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She lied to me twice


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Old 15th February 2014, 8:09 PM   #1
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Unhappy She lied to me twice

Hello everyone,

I appreciate every person that would read my post and comment if possible.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now and she lied to me twice. She is 24 and i am 27. First time she lied was about a person she used to have sex with. They weren't in relationship and she told me when we started dating that she will communicate with him ever once and a while. I told her this is fine with me as long as you are friends now. After two months I used her computer to pay a bill and her facebook was on, i checked her msgs and found her talking to him every single day and about all our relationship details and her life details. When I confronted her, she said he is only a friend. However, i was shocked that she shared details happened with him and I have no idea about them. After a long discussion, i told her to please reduce the time you spend talking to him. She decised to delete him which I didn't really want coz I was scared she might find a way to talk to him later and for me it is all about the point of sharing.
I tried to forget what happened and I started to overcome it till couple of weeks ago. When we started dating, I asked her to do her best not to smoke weed and in case that happens I asked her to let me know. Two weeks ago she smoked and hid that from me. I was playing a game with her and i asked her to confess smth to me and she said i smoked and was scared to tell you.
I am an openninded person and I am just looking for honesty. I felt so angry and I am so worried she might lie one more time. I am hurt and i remember her lies everyday now. She promised she won't lie again but I am just worried.
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:13 PM   #2
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Hello everyone,

I appreciate every person that would read my post and comment if possible.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now and she lied to me twice. She is 24 and i am 27. First time she lied was about a person she used to have sex with. They weren't in relationship and she told me when we started dating that she will communicate with him ever once and a while. I told her this is fine with me as long as you are friends now. After two months I used her computer to pay a bill and her facebook was on, i checked her msgs and found her talking to him every single day and about all our relationship details and her life details. When I confronted her, she said he is only a friend. However, i was shocked that she shared details happened with him and I have no idea about them. After a long discussion, i told her to please reduce the time you spend talking to him. She decised to delete him which I didn't really want coz I was scared she might find a way to talk to him later and for me it is all about the point of sharing.
I tried to forget what happened and I started to overcome it till couple of weeks ago. When we started dating, I asked her to do her best not to smoke weed and in case that happens I asked her to let me know. Two weeks ago she smoked and hid that from me. I was playing a game with her and i asked her to confess smth to me and she said i smoked and was scared to tell you.
I am an openninded person and I am just looking for honesty. I felt so angry and I am so worried she might lie one more time. I am hurt and i remember her lies everyday now. She promised she won't lie again but I am just worried.
Ahahahahah..."she promised she won't lie again", you will be a fool if you actually believe that and wait for another incident to happen before you ....LET HER GO
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:17 PM   #3
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Sounds like you're not a good match and there's no trust.
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:19 PM   #4
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Run man run.
Once a lier, always a lier. It's a huge red flag.
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:20 PM   #5
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These are white lies IMO. She wouldn't share the details of your relationship with a man she had interest in being with. He is her friend and she feels you cannot handle it.

It is too bad she feels the need to hide her weed consumption from you. The status of cannabis is in flux right now. I would let go of that conviction if I could. What difference does her consumption of cannabis make in your relationship? Is she lazy and forgetful? Even if she is she would have to be a chronic smoker for you to surmise causality. I think you may be young. Don't try to control her or change her. This is her life. She chooses to share it with you and you should like her as she is. If you cannot move on.
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:39 PM   #6
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These are white lies IMO. She wouldn't share the details of your relationship with a man she had interest in being with. He is her friend and she feels you cannot handle it.

It is too bad she feels the need to hide her weed consumption from you. The status of cannabis is in flux right now. I would let go of that conviction if I could. What difference does her consumption of cannabis make in your relationship? Is she lazy and forgetful? Even if she is she would have to be a chronic smoker for you to surmise causality. I think you may be young. Don't try to control her or change her. This is her life. She chooses to share it with you and you should like her as she is. If you cannot move on.

I really appreciate your answer. My issue with cannabis is that she is oversized lady and she needs to take care of her health, not to add more problems to it.
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Old 15th February 2014, 8:51 PM   #7
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When you meet someone and they are friends with their ex, or they smoke pot, those are things you need to accept from the get go. You cannot control people and try to change them. You started this relationship with trying to control her friendship AND her pot consumption. Bad start.

If her conversations with this guy were casual talk, then she did nothing wrong. I don't know what she was talking about in terms of your relationship but again if it was nothing bad I don't see why you should be concerned.

Her weight is another issue. You met her oversize and there you go trying to control what she does with her body by controlling her pot, probably because it makes her eat more?

That is a lot of things you don't like about her, I am wondering why you got into a relationship with her with so many life style habits you disagree with.
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Old 15th February 2014, 9:10 PM   #8
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Controlling another person is a full time job when people lie.

It's futile.

The only one you can control is you.

What do you plan to do about her lies?
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Old 15th February 2014, 9:29 PM   #9
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Controlling another person is a full time job when people lie.

It's futile.

The only one you can control is you.

What do you plan to do about her lies?

I asked her to talk to me about anything and to feel free to have the space she likes and I educated myself more about cannabis. I told her she can smoke as lomg as she is responsible and not addicted. Do you think there is more to do?
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Old 15th February 2014, 10:31 PM   #10
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Understand she is a grown woman - she's going to do whatever she wants.

If you don't like it - stop dating her.

You can't control who she communicates with and when she smokes. She lies.

I can't see anything about her being a good match for a guy like you.
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Old 15th February 2014, 10:50 PM   #11
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I asked her to talk to me about anything and to feel free to have the space she likes and I educated myself more about cannabis. I told her she can smoke as lomg as she is responsible and not addicted. Do you think there is more to do?
How do you have an adult relationship when you sound as if you're monitoring a teenager?

Your definition of "responsible" and "not addicted" won't register with her because it's all relative. If she smokes 6 times a day and feels it isn't an addiction and that she is responsible, but you feel it's irresponsible and an addiction, how do you both come to a compromise? And can she even live by your rules if you come to a compromise? Most likely she'll lie again because she cannot live up to your expectations.

When you started dating her, you accepted her smoking and weight. You can't change the terms now because it's not sitting well with you. Accept it or face the fact that you both are on extreme ends due to incompatibility and end it.
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Old 16th February 2014, 4:32 AM   #12
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This is all about setting boundaries and sticking to them.

When I was single and dating I made it very clear early on that I would not accept lies. One guy did lie to me about something. I told him if he did it again the relationship would be over. He promised he wouldn't do it again.
It wasn't long before he did lie again and I ended the relationship. He begged, pleaded and cried for another chance but I didn't weaken. Now he is someone else's problem.

Some people can't help themselves and lying is a habit.

Move on, you don't need this hassle.
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Old 16th February 2014, 8:14 AM   #13
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So it looks like you condone dishonesty in relationships. It is about having boundaries, not being controlling. Your view on Cannabis is skewed. Consider this, whether you like it or not, it is illegal in some states, lets say this couple is driving somewhere, and she has weed on her, they get pulled over, and the officer gets a good wiff of the marijuana she has on her or previously smoked, gets who gets arrested ? Both of them. That is a valid reason. As far her keeping in touch with an old eff buddy, that is not respectful in a relationship.
The only people that will condone Marijuana, Cannabis etc , are people that themselves have tried it at one point, and have no regards for laws saying it's illegal.

Ask them how they will feel if someone was smoking it near their kids/nephews/nieces and cousins. It's the same argument about capital punishment here...everyone is against it, until it's something that hits close to home e.g. like a drunk driver killing a member of their family
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Old 16th February 2014, 8:50 AM   #14
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If it is bothering you now and if she doesn't do something concrete to show you that she is truly working on her impulse to lie then your feelings about it will only get worse. It will always niggle at you on the inside and create problems within your relationship. You need to show her you mean business. One way is to break up with her and tell her exactly why - the lying - and unless she makes a conscious effort to stop you don't see a future with her because you won't be able to trust her.
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