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You you ever feel bad about not responding on OLD?


BikerAccnt

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I don't respond to everyone that sends me an email on OLD. (As a guy it's not like I'm bombarded with them anyway.) Most are from women I'm not attracted to, and are merely one line sentences that leave me nothing to respond to anyway. Nothing to pique my interest or give me a reason to respond.

 

On occasion, like this morning, I get one that makes me feel as if I "should" respond even though there is nothing of interest to me in her.

 

I received a nice email from an attractive looking woman who doesn't live too far from me who is the polar opposite of who I am from what I can see in her profile.

 

Shes mostly vegan, I am most assuredly not, she's liberal, I am not. She's a "holistic practitioner", nothing against them, but the even the term makes me laugh. She grows her own food, I have a very small garden. These type of things.

 

It's obvious she read mine, because she made some comments about things in it, but I can't understand why she'd write me when we are so clearly opposites. I mean, if I see a beautiful woman on OLD, and I see plenty, I still don't write if I don't think we are a match. I know what I want and looks are only part of the package.

 

Anyway, it was a decently long email, well written, and asked a couple of questions. I have no interest in dating this woman, but feel as if I should write back at least to acknowledge the attempt. I know I hate it when I write something nice and it just disappears into the ether. At the same time, I know there's no interest on my part so I hate to write back only to end up saying, thanks but no thanks.

 

Anyone else feel like this. I'm really torn on if I want to respond or not.

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With OLD I think a lot of crappy behavior just breeds more crappy behavior from others who are sick of incurring it, so don't feel as guilty doing likewise to others after a while. I didn't feel guilty not responding to others. As you said on most occasions its a one line minimal effort message or a like/wink or whatever. In the instance you describe here however where the woman has written a decent message and has referenced different aspects of your profile, I'd be inclined to write back. I don't think its that bad to say thanks but no thanks (but in a slightly better way). From what you wrote as regards the disparity in your profiles, I think you could pretty much say that, in a summarized form, with a thanks for the message + good luck.

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I've had a few messages like that, they obviously read my profile and put good effort into the message but we're clearly not a match. I don't feel bad in the slightest for not responding. Here is why.

 

When I get a response to my messages, I am notified by email, it says who sent me a message but I have to log in to read it. If it's a username I recognize and it's someone I really liked the sound of, then I am excited to have got a response. Now when I log in and find it's a "thanks but no thanks", it's a terrible disappointment. I'd rather get no response than be built up only to be knocked down.

 

So that is why I don't respond unless I am interested. I don't want to inflict this disappointment on anyone else. No response is a response.

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Anyway, it was a decently long email, well written, and asked a couple of questions. I have no interest in dating this woman, but feel as if I should write back at least to acknowledge the attempt. I know I hate it when I write something nice and it just disappears into the ether. At the same time, I know there's no interest on my part so I hate to write back only to end up saying, thanks but no thanks.

 

Anyone else feel like this. I'm really torn on if I want to respond or not.

She probably wants to convert you with her 'holistic' approach. I hate that. I used to get contact from religious types even though my profile stated I was an atheist and that I was interested in a similar mindset.

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So we have 1 yes - 1 No, and 1--she's going to convert me (I agree Emilia, Vegans tend to try to do that)

 

I'm still torn. I've gotten thanks but no thanks return emails, they've not bothered me. I can take rejection. I've also not received responses, and that's not bothered me either. <Shrug>. Who knows, I'm at work now, and that site is blocked anyway, so either way it waits until tonight.

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So we have 1 yes - 1 No, and 1--she's going to convert me (I agree Emila, Vegans tend to try to do that)

 

 

I'm still torn. I've gotten thanks but no thanks return emails, they've not bothered me. I can take rejection. I've also not received responses, and that's not bothered me either. <Shrug>. Who knows, I'm at work now, and that site is blocked anyway, so either way it waits until tonight.

Well if you are that curious then write to her. At least that will stop you wondering, there is nothing wrong with just a chat.

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Anyway, it was a decently long email, well written, and asked a couple of questions. I have no interest in dating this woman, but feel as if I should write back at least to acknowledge the attempt. I know I hate it when I write something nice and it just disappears into the ether. At the same time, I know there's no interest on my part so I hate to write back only to end up saying, thanks but no thanks.

 

Anyone else feel like this. I'm really torn on if I want to respond or not.

 

Yes, definitely. If a woman makes the effort to write a nice message that's more than a sentence or two, I will at least acknowledge it. I do that because I don't want to be like the women who feel so entitled that they ignore sincere messages that a man has put some effort into. One liners, winks and flirts do not get a response unless I'm attracted and she seem like a potential match. But I think everyone who makes the effort deserves a little respect. If I'm only responding to be polite I'll let the tone reflect that. No need to overtly reject anyone.

 

The gray area for me is when they send a wink or one-liner and their profile is ok but not outstanding. In that case I'll often just return the gesture and see if they give it another try with a bit more effort. I find it irksome that some women expect a guy to go into full pursuit mode in response to the slightest little gesture.

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An attractive woman, who lives close by, sends you a lengthy email after reading your profile, and you're rejecting her on the basis that she's a vegan or some ****?

 

You're obviously not knee deep in offers, considering you're on OLD in the first place. Play the game ffs. You don't have to marry her.

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She probably wants to convert you with her 'holistic' approach. I hate that. I used to get contact from religious types even though my profile stated I was an atheist and that I was interested in a similar mindset.

 

Emilia, holistic doesn't mean religious. A holistic practitioner is a healer who uses homeopathic remedies (non-pharmaceutical) and considers the mind-body-spirit relationship to be integral. It's extremely personalized type of treatment. I dated a homeopath a couple of years ago and learned a lot about it.

 

I use a few of the remedies occasionally, and one in particular I keep on hand in case I feel something coming on (flu, cold, etc.). At the first symptom I take this for a day or two and the illness just goes away. It stimulates my immune system so that my body fights it off before it can get established. Anyway, you should google and learn a little about homeopathy. It's legitimate.

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Emilia, holistic doesn't mean religious. A holistic practitioner is a healer who uses homeopathic remedies (non-pharmaceutical) and considers the mind-body-spirit relationship to be integral. It's extremely personalized type of treatment. I dated a homeopath a couple of years ago and learned a lot about it.

 

I use a few of the remedies occasionally, and one in particular I keep on hand in case I feel something coming on (flu, cold, etc.). At the first symptom I take this for a day or two and the illness just goes away. It stimulates my immune system so that my body fights it off before it can get established. Anyway, you should google and learn a little about homeopathy. It's legitimate.

I know, the OP knew what I meant.

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I dated a women who is spiritual not obsessed spiritual/religious. I say live and let live. if thats what she likes and you like that person then why not.

I know I hate it when I write something nice and it just disappears into the ether.

 

you get what you give. and its the reason this crappy behavious keeps going on and on. people feel too comfortable online. I replied to every message. 3 seconds and I was done. she put in the effort then take a whole 10 seconds.

 

With OLD I think a lot of crappy behavior just breeds more crappy behavior from others who are sick of incurring it,

 

bad mindset. so if they are rude, I should go down to their level? and if you do then you have no class like them.

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Well, I hate it when I send a message that goes unanswered.

 

 

All the messages I got that were polite, genuine and well written automatically got an answer from me - if at least to thank them for the message but let them know I didn't think we would be a good match.

 

However, if someone sends me a one line or a very passive aggressive message, I will not respond.

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BlametheIrish

How about...

 

Thanks for the message so and so. By your profile you seem like a well rounded attractive individual. However I believe we have to many fundamental differences to consider us a possible match. I wish you luck on your search...

 

All the best,

Biker

 

Or short and simple...

 

Thanks for the message, but I'm not interested.

 

All the best,

Biker

 

 

Neither or these are offensive and took me no time at all to type. People who dont answer come off as rude imo. If she acts as if your rejection was rude then e probably just an insecure person.

 

BTW OP my parents are complete opposites and they've been married over 34 years now. Their only common interest being a love for the outdoors everything else is like night and day. Just a thought :)

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I don't see how you can answer someone you're not attracted to.

 

Being ignored sucks but it's understandable. What do you want them to do? Say "thanks but no thanks, good luck?"

 

F*ck that.

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BlametheIrish
I don't see how you can answer someone you're not attracted to.

 

Being ignored sucks but it's understandable. What do you want them to do? Say "thanks but no thanks, good luck?"

 

F*ck that.

 

So do you just ignore people in real life that hit on you when you're not interested too? I think of it as common courtesy to not leave people hanging like that. People should extend that common courtesy because who likes being left in the dark about things?

 

When did it become such a huge inconvenience to be nice?

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So do you just ignore people in real life that hit on you when you're not interested too? I think of it as common courtesy to not leave people hanging like that. People should extend that common courtesy because who likes being left in the dark about things?

 

When did it become such a huge inconvenience to be nice?

 

Never. But being "nice" in OLD, where everyone is single and looking to date, can be misconstrued as interest. And it also confirms your fear that they are not into you. At least if your message goes ignored you can rationalize that they never saw it.

 

I'd rather get ignored than be told they're not into me. And that was my thought process when I was OLD and got a few messages from women I wasn't into. It's less messy in the long run.

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BlametheIrish
Never. But being "nice" in OLD, where everyone is single and looking to date, can be misconstrued as interest. And it also confirms your fear that they are not into you. At least if your message goes ignored you can rationalize that they never saw it. ________

Really??? Do people really think like thay? Do.we all have such fragile egos that rejection.from a dating site will cause us such internal anguish?

________

 

I'd rather get ignored than be told they're not into me. And that was my thought process when I was OLD and got a few messages from women I wasn't into. It's less messy in the long run.

 

Less messy? If a woman rejects a guy in person and says " No thanks, not interested"

How is it any less of a valid response?

 

You get what you give in this Life. I like to try and be polite and positive as there's no telling when a potential suitor online turns out to.be a co worker or boss.

And contrary to your signature no one is type so it goes to show we've all dealt with rejection alot in our lives.

 

I just dont see why it's so.hard to be polite? Yes I've rejected guys online who kept pestering me. If they don't get my very obvious rejection then they get blocked. Easy as that :)

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An attractive woman, who lives close by, sends you a lengthy email after reading your profile, and you're rejecting her on the basis that she's a vegan or some ****?

 

You're obviously not knee deep in offers, considering you're on OLD in the first place. Play the game ffs. You don't have to marry her.

 

 

I'm not knee deep in offers, but nor am I needy enough to go out with someone I know won't be a match just to do so. And yes, being Vegan is enough for me to not date someone. It's actually on my deal breaker list.

 

 

Oh and...InnocentMan, I'm not dating to play a game. I AM looking for a long term relationship, maybe (though doubtful) marriage again. I have no interest in dating someone that has such a fundamental difference than me right from the start.

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An attractive woman, who lives close by, sends you a lengthy email after reading your profile, and you're rejecting her on the basis that she's a vegan or some ****?

 

You're obviously not knee deep in offers, considering you're on OLD in the first place. Play the game ffs. You don't have to marry her.

 

My answer is "No", for your survey. My OLD experience has been similar to yours, the ones that do message me, I am not attracted to them.

 

I'm with InnocentMan though, you don't get a lot of hits anyway, why not reply to this woman and see where the conversation goes. You never know..she passed your first test, attraction.

 

I had one message me once to tell me we are not a match politically. Too bad as she WAS attractive.

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How about...

 

Thanks for the message so and so. By your profile you seem like a well rounded attractive individual. However I believe we have to many fundamental differences to consider us a possible match. I wish you luck on your search...

 

 

BTW OP my parents are complete opposites and they've been married over 34 years now. Their only common interest being a love for the outdoors everything else is like night and day. Just a thought :)

 

 

Irish, I like your first paragraph.

 

 

My parents too were completely opposite, yet they still had the same fundamental beliefs about certain things. There are some things where difference can enhance a relationship, and others where they usually don't.

 

 

I find in general, that major lifestyle differences, can doom a relationship. From what I had read, she and I had many of those.

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Regarding being a Vegan, I am not, pretty close, but not. My female best friend and a lot of her friends are though. And they are very attractive, social, great women whoIi spend time with. What they eat does not matter to me and they have never once commented on what I eat. I personally would not discount someone for how/what they eat; I would actually see it as an opportunity to learn something.

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My answer is "No", for your survey. My OLD experience has been similar to yours, the ones that do message me, I am not attracted to them.

 

I'm with InnocentMan though, you don't get a lot of hits anyway, why not reply to this woman and see where the conversation goes. You never know..she passed your first test, attraction.

 

I had one message me once to tell me we are not a match politically. Too bad as she WAS attractive.

 

 

True, I don't get a lot of hits from women who message me directly, however, I do ok with those I do message. I'd say out of the 10 or so I've actually sent messages to, I've gone on dates with 3. I don't think that's too bad.

 

 

It's one of the reasons I'm not all that interested in pursing this. Aside from the profile differences that is.

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Regarding being a Vegan, I am not, pretty close, but not. My female best friend and a lot of her friends are though. And they are very attractive, social, great women whoIi spend time with. What they eat does not matter to me and they have never once commented on what I eat. I personally would not discount someone for how/what they eat; I would actually see it as an opportunity to learn something.

 

 

Babolat, I lived with a Vegan, and am good friends with another. They are always preaching about how wrong it is to eat animals, or animal by-products. They refuse to go eat at places I enjoy going, though, I go do theirs. Everything I've learned about Vegans, I dislike. Vegetarians are fine, that's a dietary choice, Veganism is a political choice.

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BlametheIrish
Irish, I like your first paragraph.

 

 

My parents too were completely opposite, yet they still had the same fundamental beliefs about certain things. There are some things where difference can enhance a relationship, and others where they usually don't.

 

 

I find in general, that major lifestyle differences, can doom a relationship. From what I had read, she and I had many of those.

 

I hear you, a vegan would be a turn off for me as well. A hardcore religious person would

Would me running for the hills even if he fit my definition of good looking and well.rounded.

We've all got our dealbreakers :)

 

I still hope you don't leave her in the dark about things, but your life your choices.

Good luck in your search OP.

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