CalvinM Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Long story short, I've been seeing a girl I met on Ok Cupid (she's 27, I'm 32). She lives in Kingston, I live in Ottawa (about an hour and a half away). We've had two really good dates so far. First was at a tea shop in Kingston, second was dinner at a vegetarian place in Ottawa. The second date went surprisingly well and she asked if I wanted to go back to my place to chill and listen to music (we both have pretty similar tastes in music, but I'm into more obscure stuff as well). So we were chilling on my couch and out of nowhere we start kissing, initiated mostly by me. I start touching her breasts and rubbing her and I'm getting the green light. Finally, she takes off her bra and I notice the time.. I have to go soon (I'm a freelance graphic designer, but also work nights 4 days a week for the benefits). She tells me that she doesn't have to be anywhere in the morning (she's a psychologist/works in a speech pathology lab) and if I want her to, she'll stay the night and we can grab breakfast in the morning. I stop and tell her that I'm really embarrassed, that I didn't expect things to go this well, but that I have to work in half an hour and need to get ready. She's cool with this, asks how much time before I need to leave. I tell her about 10 minutes. She says "we can get pretty far in 10 minutes". I freeze up. We continue to kiss and I'm still touching her breasts, but I don't take things further. She drops me off at the local transit station, I apologize for my poor planning (she suggested I call in sick and is a bit disappointed I didn't think to take the day off). She also suggests that next time I'm down to see her in Kingston that we go for drinks as to lower my inhibitions. Question, how badly am I going to have to grovel to get back to this point, or is this something that's easily forgivable? TIA Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Doesn't sound like you're going to have to do any. She sounds very into you. But she can smell your insecurity almost as much as I can see it in what you wrote! I suggest you do not do any sort of apologising. It'll just make you look more insecure. Focus on when the two of you will meet up again, and be positive about it. She's already suggested it, so move forward with her suggestion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 She really wanted to do you,you should have given her a quick FCk But you had to get to work ,very understandable. im sure she understands this completely now, so nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 I wasn't insecure, more surprised. She's been very busy with work, as have I, so contact between dates was minimal. We had made tentative plans to hangout in Ottawa the previous weekend, but weather conditions made that impossible. We hadn't really discussed sex and by the time she mentioned going back to my apartment, I didn't have time to adjust to things. I agree that she's into me, but is very subtle about signals and up until we were lying down on my couch, she was a pretty tough read. She had made mention on the first date that she usually waits until date 3 or 4 and this was date 2, so I can hardly be blamed for thinking it was a bit of a surprise. Sadly, she's on holiday until next weekend, so it might have to be mid week. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Wow what is the problem? Just invite yourself over to hers for dinner when you've got a free evening. Or invite her to yours. I'm sure she would be happy with either. Don't see why this is so difficult, you're well in there dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 You got her man!!! No need to worry. She wants you bad. Just make sure you get enough time with her next time, and really plan to spend all night having sex....and all day the next day! Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Long story short, I've been seeing a girl I met on Ok Cupid (she's 27, I'm 32). She lives in Kingston, I live in Ottawa (about an hour and a half away). We've had two really good dates so far. First was at a tea shop in Kingston, second was dinner at a vegetarian place in Ottawa. The second date went surprisingly well and she asked if I wanted to go back to my place to chill and listen to music (we both have pretty similar tastes in music, but I'm into more obscure stuff as well). So we were chilling on my couch and out of nowhere we start kissing, initiated mostly by me. I start touching her breasts and rubbing her and I'm getting the green light. Finally, she takes off her bra and I notice the time.. I have to go soon (I'm a freelance graphic designer, but also work nights 4 days a week for the benefits). She tells me that she doesn't have to be anywhere in the morning (she's a psychologist/works in a speech pathology lab) and if I want her to, she'll stay the night and we can grab breakfast in the morning. I stop and tell her that I'm really embarrassed, that I didn't expect things to go this well, but that I have to work in half an hour and need to get ready. She's cool with this, asks how much time before I need to leave. I tell her about 10 minutes. She says "we can get pretty far in 10 minutes". I freeze up. We continue to kiss and I'm still touching her breasts, but I don't take things further. She drops me off at the local transit station, I apologize for my poor planning (she suggested I call in sick and is a bit disappointed I didn't think to take the day off). She also suggests that next time I'm down to see her in Kingston that we go for drinks as to lower my inhibitions. Question, how badly am I going to have to grovel to get back to this point, or is this something that's easily forgivable? TIA General rule of thumb. If parts of your story sound like softcore porn, then you're fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Doesn't sound like you're going to have to do any. She sounds very into you. But she can smell your insecurity almost as much as I can see it in what you wrote! I suggest you do not do any sort of apologising. It'll just make you look more insecure. Focus on when the two of you will meet up again, and be positive about it. She's already suggested it, so move forward with her suggestion. While I agree no further apology is needed I have an equally important flip side perspective to your general MO on apologizing. If you are weak you are weak but a strong man can act and do as he pleases. Apologizing where your actions have caused loss or pain to another is never a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of maturity and respect. If anyone uses an apology against you dump them. They are not good stock. But the apology was not the cause of your loss of control with this individual. Not at all. The appeal of man to women in the intimate setting is that he will fold for her WHEN he should. As the old saying goes, and I am not sure how applicable this is today but men want a woman who is "a lady on the street and whore in the bedroom." This barbaric adage merely exemplifies that there is a standard of desired behavior in the intimate setting. We women have our own standard of desired behavior. Summarily, where love is concerned: we are to be different to each other than we are to any other. Our give and take is free flowing and equally precipitous. That being said an apology should fall easily from the lips if it is sincere and warranted. Skip it and you do damage and this sets the course of change in the dynamic of your once perfect relationship. It may take two to tango but only one to suggest the dance. Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 The only thing that will blow things with your new lady friend is your insecurity. Be a man and maintain the frame. Don't apologize for having to go to work, you'll only come across as incredibly beta. Don't even mention anything about that night. Just keep dating her as usual. Things will only be awkward IF you make them awkward. Don't start texting her either trying to make conversation with her. Just ask her out again and disappear until the next time you guys meet. Simple. Brrrrrrrrrrrr. While I don't know what is best my heart skips a beat when I get a random precious "making an excuse to reach you" or even a tasteful iteration of a prior conversation topic text. I like to feel cherished. HINT: it relaxes me. One expertly crafted text makes me more receptive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 It's a very thin line between being proactive and interested and being clingy and smothering. I sent her a quick email Tuesday night, which she received and replied back to Wednesday afternoon. In it, I make mention of tracking down a link to a talk she gave on Sunday, complimenting her outfit and mentioning that I hope she didnt feel disappointed about Thursday and hoped she was having a good time on her trip. I also mentioned that I was looking forward to seeing her in Kingston when she gets back. As I understand it, the ball is in her court to initiate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 She contacted me earlier tonight. I suggested Tuesday, she suggested we order in some food at her place. Link to post Share on other sites
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