JellyBeen Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I am going to keep this short, but please help me out! My female friend introduced me to my current boyfriend, and at that time my current boyfriend seemingly had a thing for that friend.(It's just that he'll always make time for her whenever she wants to hangout, even early in the morning or in midnight.) Before she introduced him to me they knew each other for around 2 months, and after a month I met him he started asking me out. It took another month before I went onto first date with him. So after another 2 months, he asked if I would be his girlfriend and I said yes because I really like him. Then I noticed a problem: I feel like I'm the third wheel in my own relationship. When I'm hanging out with them, he still talks to her in a flirty tone. He clears his schedule for him. I felt like I'd made a big mistake when my female friend told me he kissed her on the lips before I met him. I felt like he came to me just to substitute my friend and I'm not the one he wants, but I like him too much to walk away. However last week when I was on a business trip, he told me to skype with him at certain time. I waited for him, and two hours later he told me he's out watching movie with her. I understand if he had a work thing, but as his girlfriend shouldn't I expect him to have me as his priority compare to other female friends? Now I felt really stupid and am a little bit too frustrated to be in the relationship. My female friend knew that I really like my boyfriend, but she insisted that she's just flirty. Some of the girlfriends of her male friends also complained about her getting to close to their boyfriends, but she thinks those girls are stupid and ignore them. On the other hand if my boyfriend doesn't like her, he probably won't hang out with her alone either. Can I fix this? Or should I just let him go? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I'd walk away from both of them. You can't change him and she sounds like a shady friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 He is using you with hopes of eventually getting her. You're a substitute girlfriend. Time to cut your losses before you feel even more pain. This friend of yours is shady. Stay away from people who offer their leftovers (people they do not want or have had relations with). Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 You're friend is a skank. This is clearly NOT an instance where your boyfriend can take a girl to see a movie (INSTEAD of seeing you on Skype, I may add:sick:). He liked her in the past (and clearly still does). You don't go to movies with guys WHO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS if you know full well the guy had a thing for you in the past...... Girls who do this do not have classy social skills. In turn, they are not really desirable people to even associate with. You can do better than having a friend who hangs out with your boyfriend when he clearly likes her; although she may feign ignorance, in which case HE DID once like her and he told her this..... I have some male friends who once wanted to date me but now know that I have a boyfriend. They never try anything since I rejected them, even when I was single. I had ONE persistent guy who genuinely seems like a nice guy, although I am about to have a talk to him about the fact he jokes around about me being an ideal person to date and a few comments that aren't cool (but he means well and I am CERTAIN he will not repeat the actions I tell him not to, as he values our friendship). Put yourself in your "friends" shoes. If a guy once had the hots for you, and he then got a girlfriend yet STILL flirted with you, would YOU agree to go on one on one movie date with him? NO you wouldn't! If you are cluey about that sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I have to agree with other posts about this... your friend is behaving in a very shady manner. I have a similar situation, but I'm the friend, not the girlfriend. I had this male friend that I was very, very close with. He wanted a relationship with me, I did not feel the same way about him. We stayed friends for a very long time though, despite that.(I've known him for about 20 years now) He ended up meeting someone, fell in love and moved in with her. They are now married. His wife is my best friend. He and I still talk occasionally, but never would I imagine going to go hang out with him without her. EVER. She and I have discussed this thoroughly as well. It would be completely inappropriate for he and I to still be close friends like we were before they started dating. It would cause problems in their relationship. I cut it off and so did he. We both know not to overstep that boundary. I care too much for both of them to be the cause of any issues in their relationship. Your friend on the other hand doesn't seem to recognize that and doesn't have respect for you or your relationship with your boyfriend. If I were you, I'd get out of that situation fast. Dump them both. Neither of them are good for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Why doesn't this woman have a boyfriend if she is so flirty? She helped you find a boyfriend so why don't you return the favor? "Killing two birds with one stone." Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 He doesn't respect you. She doesn't respect you. It doesn't appear as though they see any problems with their behaviour, which consequently means they will not change. I'd cut ties with both of them and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBeen Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 I have to agree with other posts about this... your friend is behaving in a very shady manner. I have a similar situation, but I'm the friend, not the girlfriend. I had this male friend that I was very, very close with. He wanted a relationship with me, I did not feel the same way about him. We stayed friends for a very long time though, despite that.(I've known him for about 20 years now) He ended up meeting someone, fell in love and moved in with her. They are now married. His wife is my best friend. He and I still talk occasionally, but never would I imagine going to go hang out with him without her. EVER. She and I have discussed this thoroughly as well. It would be completely inappropriate for he and I to still be close friends like we were before they started dating. It would cause problems in their relationship. I cut it off and so did he. We both know not to overstep that boundary. I care too much for both of them to be the cause of any issues in their relationship. Your friend on the other hand doesn't seem to recognize that and doesn't have respect for you or your relationship with your boyfriend. If I were you, I'd get out of that situation fast. Dump them both. Neither of them are good for you. I wish my friend is like you Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I wish my friend is like you I will tell you that the reason why things worked out the way they did is because we talked about it, openly. (All three of us) If you can't do that with these two, then you will always be wondering what is going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBeen Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 I think I'm going to talk with them soon. And I wonder, what can you guys tolerate in terms of interaction between your boyfriend and his female friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I would tolerate: Daily texts are okay if they truly ARE platonic and my boyfriend does not text THEM more than he texts ME and I also KNEW THEM and had MET THEM before and I felt comfortable about them texting daily. Hanging out no more than once every week or two, WITH ME THERE or at least the OFFER for me to join them. He cannot put his best female friend before me; your partner is your best friend who you sleep with and invest a lot more in than you do with your other "friends"; he should also invest the same as you invest in him. NO NO'S - texting their "friend" more than they text you. - putting their "friends" needs before your own needs. - sleep overs (UNLESS you are damn well sleeping THERE, wish your man, at his female friends house), say after a night out. - sexual chemistry cannot be evident between them. NO flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
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