the tank Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hi ! I recently start dating a doctor . She is in her residency for the next year and half . After she will be able to choose her schedule she explain me . I know she work crazy hour . I will like to have few tips of people who have date one . Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I know they have tried to cut back on the number of consecutive hours they make them work, but it still sounds awful to me most of the time. For her to succeed, you really have to put her schedule first. That means if your favorite cousin gets married and she can't take any time off, you have to decide if you want to fight about it or not. 18 months isn't awful, but at times it may seem awful. She's going to be under a lot of stress and pressure. She may have a "warrior type" bond with her male colleagues. That may be something you have never experienced before. I'm not trying to discourage you from dating her. Just make sure the imbalance of wants and needs doesn't become a life long pattern. Good luck - you're braver than I would have been in my 20s. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Unless you're in the medical profession yourself, it's going to be hard for you to understand her devotion, dedication and commitment to her job, particularly as all health organisations everywhere are stretched, because of a distinct lack of good, reliable and dedicated staff... She will work long hours, her tasks will be gruelling and she will see and hear things which will be emotionally and physically debilitating. of course, it won't all be 'doom and gloom'.... but you need to understand that Doctors - if they have their focus on the right aspects of their jobs - are hard-working and thoroughly committed individuals, who put their work and patients first. Don't expect to always be her priority. And you'll have to be supportive and sympathetic, when she's home from a long and exhausting shift, and needs her feet rubbed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Don't make demands on her time Take what she can give. Understand that if she cancels it has nothing to do with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 She may have a "warrior type" bond with her male colleagues. That may be something you have never experienced before. What do you mean by that ? English isnt my first language . I am not sure to understand very well . I am a busy type personn . I am working and studyng accountant full time . I study almost everyday ..I am still learning because the dating is really different than my ex who was too much available . Right now i like this and only time will time if i am able to deal with her schedule . I really like her personnality and we have a lot in commun Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 In other words, because you are not familiar with the inner workings of the Medical world, she may have a close relationship with her colleagues, she would believe you could never understand.... there will be some areas of her life closed to you. it may provoke jealousy and resentment in you. But Doctors all see the same kinds of things, and meet the same kinds of challenges. They experience pain, suffering, heartache, distress and many other things associated with having to deal with broken humans..... You can never hope to fully understand that. So she will form liaisons with others who can equate on her level. That is not to say, at all, that she will be unfaithful. It will merely mean that you are excluded from certain aspects of her life, because of her profession. And that's something you cannot fight, prevent or alter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I will like to have few tips of people who have date one . Being a doctor is like any other profession. People choose how they prosecute and prioritize their work and social lives. IOW, I could be a doctor, or a Boeing engineer, and make the same choices/different choices with regards to my career and personal life. I could throw myself totally into work, sign that time-absorbing employment contract and forever be talking about my work, canceling plans due to my work, not having time for family and friends because of my work, etc, etc. Or I could do something else, reflective of my personal philosophy regarding work and life. The answers are different for each of us. I dated a doctor. She was an emergency room physician. We didn't generally talk about her work. She generally worked the 'day shift' so our social interactions revolved around when she was available to socialize, just like they would for any of us who work. Some doctors are on call. She chose not to be. Being on-call would have provided additional compensation. She chose to forego that compensation package. Another doctor, having a different mindset, might not and pursue those extra hours and pay, accepting whatever detriment they posed to their personal lives. Everyone is different. One thing I did enjoy about this particular person, and perhaps it was a function of her job experience, or maybe the mesh of her personality and that experience, is that she handled 'things that came up' and 'change' in a cool and collected manner. No drama. Overall, reflecting back, that would be the overriding positive from that experience, even if it might run counter to generalities about doctors. No drama and, further, it wasn't all about her, so a balanced ego, even with a skillset which might promote a sense of self-importance or being 'better than others'. Anyway, my advice would be to approach this like any other dating experience. Get to know the person and, if your styles and interactions work, they do. If they don't, they don't. She doesn't get special dispensation for being a doctor. Neither do you for who you are or what you do. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Thanks for explanation . i understand now ! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 BTW, for most doctors in training, residency can be a very stressful and focused time and very straining on relationships. However, where the couple prioritizes their lives to respect and grow their relationships, those relationships can flourish. It depends on the person. My fSIL's daughter married a doctor who went through his residency while they were an unmarried couple. He worked ungodly hours and always seemed to be on call and in some of the most horrific locations, mainly relevant to his chosen specialty of trauma medicine. My personal 'wakeup call' about the dynamic was visiting him, along with his GF, at 'lunch' at midnight at a VA hospital. Wow, eye opener. Still, they were devoted to each other and have now been married nearly ten years with two children. It depends on the individuals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
icedlatte Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm currently a med student so I thought I'd chime in. I'm not saying this holds true for all female doctors. But generally, we are extremely ambitious and self controlled when it comes to wants versus needs. We sacrifice a lot of things for our jobs: sleep, proper nutrition and exercise, personal relationships. We learn how to multitask in order to maximize any free time we have. So right now, a "date" consists of the guy meeting up with me at the cafeteria because I don't have time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
icedlatte Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I guess I should clarify "sacrifices" in my previous post. It's not that we completely forgo these things. It's more about making compromises so the OP should be prepare to accommodate to her busy schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 I want and i will accomodate her schedule . The girl seem a gem and we have a lot in commun . I know more now about the sacrifice i will need to make Thanks everyone . I will take my time and i will see how it goes . Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I am not certain if I am of any help in this, but I am dating a doctor. But, she is 10-years into her practice, so much more established and hours not as crazy. But, she is dedicated and exhausted by the end of the day. I really like what carhill had to say. Doctors, lawyers, whatever, they are in a different world/demeanor when they are in their professional mode. But, I've found that they are human like all of us. The healthier they manage their boundaries between work and play/dating/relationships, the better, of course. But, they will make time for you if they are truly committed to the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 It depends on whether you can live with her schedule or not, as that is likely to be the main impediment. IMO, the hours resident docs work in the USA are beyond crazy, and the system itself was established by a crazy doc with zero personal life. Docs in most other first world countries fare a lot better, though obviously it still isn't the same as a 9-5 job. I have been in a happy R with one for several years now, but the hours a US resident doc works would probably exceed my limit of tolerance. Link to post Share on other sites
married2school Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Med student #2 chiming in... I don't think being a doctor is like every other profession. I don't want to sound rude by saying that so know that I have every intention not to. There aren't a lot of professions though that, at least speaking for here in the US, require an undergraduate education, four years of medical education, followed by usually a minimum two years of residency. Considering how difficult it is to get accepted to medical schools now, most will spend a couple of years in-between undergraduate and medical school just trying to brush up their applications to get in. We will start climbing in our careers far later than most of our peers. We watch most everyone around us have successful relationships, get married, have kids - usually long before we do. With my current interests, I will likely be in my early 30's before I finally get my first real job. Sure, we choose to make this sacrifice. But there is a certain amount of sacrifice that you absolutely have to make up front, and there's no getting around it. It isn't always a matter of prioritizing or organizing your life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, you just have no choice. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Med student #2 chiming in... I don't think being a doctor is like every other profession. I don't want to sound rude by saying that so know that I have every intention not to. There aren't a lot of professions though that, at least speaking for here in the US, require an undergraduate education, four years of medical education, followed by usually a minimum two years of residency. Considering how difficult it is to get accepted to medical schools now, most will spend a couple of years in-between undergraduate and medical school just trying to brush up their applications to get in. We will start climbing in our careers far later than most of our peers. We watch most everyone around us have successful relationships, get married, have kids - usually long before we do. With my current interests, I will likely be in my early 30's before I finally get my first real job. Sure, we choose to make this sacrifice. But there is a certain amount of sacrifice that you absolutely have to make up front, and there's no getting around it. It isn't always a matter of prioritizing or organizing your life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, you just have no choice. having a number of friends who have gone through medical school, they managed to date, get married before, after they finished. for them, it was all about balance, prioritizing when possible. yes, it's tough, but IT sounds like prioritizing and time management IS a big part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
married2school Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I wasn't necessarily trying to argue it was completely hopeless or impossible. On the contrary, I am dating one of my classmates, and it is by far the best and most successful relationship I've had. I didn't expect that coming into medical school. At all. And I know plenty of people that get married before and after as well. I guess maybe what I was trying to say was that a lot of sacrifice often has to be made on behalf of the person who isn't the med student/resident/doctor. As a future resident, I can't control how much I am going to have to work. There is a lot of stuff that will be out our control as students/residents/physicians, and it will be up to the person we are in a relationship to understand those limitations. I suppose I'm looking from one side of things, but I think it's unfair when people expect us to live beyond those limitations, as it is a very demanding field. You can't ignore your patients. If it's 3 AM and you've got to be there, you've got to be there. I would venture to say we are harder to date than most folk, and we find it harder to find people to date. We need people that understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Since i wrote that post we couldnt meet because of her schedule. We will next week . She was in a new hospital for fews weeks and work 7 days a week / 10-12 h per day . I am texting her each 3-4 days . I dont want to invade her space. Plus i dont text her when she is at work . At first i found it a bit hard when we found out we could only meet in 3 weeks because the few days before she could , i couldnt made it because of my night class . Anyway if she is for me everything will work well . It gave me times for studies , met my friends etc .. I kind of like it . Thanks everyone Edited January 22, 2014 by the tank Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Why would you need tips to date anyone working in a specific field? If you are both really into each other and you really want to make this work, you'll both find a way. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Why would you need tips to date anyone working in a specific field? If you are both really into each other and you really want to make this work, you'll both find a way. Because there are some professions that introduce additional challenges to relationships. Common ones are military, professions involving the graveyard shift, professions involving a lot of travel, etc. Doctors and their partners have their own burden to bear, too. This does not mean that others don't have relationship problems, just that talking to people with similar problems can help. Good luck, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
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