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Stupid ? maybe, but nowhere else to ask w/out being judged :)


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I've had 2 dates with a lovely guy :)

 

he has been texting & calling me almost daily since our last date

he clearly seems interested in me!

 

but has not asked me out for a 3rd date (he has kid custody 1/2 time)

its been a week since we last saw each other..

 

I should say he DID ask me out again last week for a 3rd date

but it was for the next day and I already had plans..

 

so I find myself now thinking that maybe he'll ask me out this weekend and am holding back from planning anything until I hear from him :eek:

 

I told myself I'll give him until tonight (its Wed) to ask me..

If I don't hear from him then I'm going to make my own weekend plans.

 

My question is should I have been making weekend plans even before today?

Is it stupid to sorta wait to see if up til now if he'll ask me out??

I'd really like to see him again so I hate to tie up my time prematurely.

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Do not put your plans on hold for a guy u have met twice.

Go on with your life.

If he asks you out and u have already plans in place:

Tell him clearly that u need to be informed 2-3 days prior for any dates.

 

That way he will ask u out sooner (if he is really into u).

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So.he did ask you ut for date #3 but you had plans.

Did you say right back that you could do such and such a day?

 

If not it's a bit on you and he may not ask for a while.

 

He had a day and time and he has children so it's not as easy.

You have to be a bit more easy going and a bit less about having Wednesday as the day to ask for a Saturday date.

He will need to sort childcare.

 

Ask him out..give him some pre planning time.

Be considerate that he needs more planning time than you. :)

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So.he did ask you ut for date #3 but you had plans.

Did you say right back that you could do such and such a day?

 

If not it's a bit on you and he may not ask for a while.

 

He had a day and time and he has children so it's not as easy.

You have to be a bit more easy going and a bit less about having Wednesday as the day to ask for a Saturday date.

He will need to sort childcare.

 

Ask him out..give him some pre planning time.

Be considerate that he needs more planning time than you. :)

 

Still I would say do not sit around putting your life n plans on hold, waiting for him to ask you out.

Make your own plans if he doesn't ... N let him know how much heads up works for you.

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Do not put your plans on hold for a guy u have met twice.

Go on with your life.

If he asks you out and u have already plans in place:

Tell him clearly that u need to be informed 2-3 days prior for any dates.

 

That way he will ask u out sooner (if he is really into u).

 

He's an older guy

who clearly has dated ALOT

so I figure he already knows that someone needs 2-3 days advance notice

for getting together..

 

I did hint to him yesterday on text that I was curious when we'd get together again

he didn't respond to that comment :eek:

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Squeeze him in if you have time..

 

I think this is a good compromise for me

though it may cut into the quality of our time

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I have a slightly differing opinion. I would normally say that you shouldn't forgo any normal plans for someone you just met, but your deadline seems reasonably enough. I mean, it's only Wednesday, so you have the next two days to plan for the weekend if he does not call. BUT.....if he does not, you need to follow through on YOUR plans for the weekend.

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Have you considered asking him out? Since you were unavailable for the 3rd outing he suggested, he may be wondering if that was a legitimate excuse or an excuse to mask lack of interest.

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Have you considered asking him out? Since you were unavailable for the 3rd outing he suggested, he may be wondering if that was a legitimate excuse or an excuse to mask lack of interest.

 

This. If I asked someone out and they said no, I'd assume the interest level is low. Initiating all conversations and dates is no fun.

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Have you considered asking him out? Since you were unavailable for the 3rd outing he suggested, he may be wondering if that was a legitimate excuse or an excuse to mask lack of interest.

 

Except I've shown ALOT of interest in the way I speak to him on the phone

and through our texts..

he knows I like him.

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Sounds like you have a lazy guy on your hands. I would expect him to ask you out at the last minute and split the bill from now on. Guys show you what to expect right up front. Are you ok with that?

 

I am absolutely not ok with a lazy guy, who would be? lol!!

 

But since its only been 2 dates

I'm not sure I have enough info yet on his character..

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Well I dunno - any time I've dated a guy I had to start a thread about in the past it's because I already knew the answer in my gut and I just didn't want to listen to it.

 

oh not good then :confused:

 

since we seem to get on so well

I just don't want to be hasty..

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Well I dunno - any time I've dated a guy I had to start a thread about in the past it's because I already knew the answer in my gut and I just didn't want to listen to it.

 

I was just thinking more about your comment

and I think you're talking about his effort towards me..

 

does texting daily

and long phone convos count as effort?

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I was just thinking more about your comment

and I think you're talking about his effort towards me..

 

does texting daily

and long phone convos count as effort?

 

Yes it does. So why don't you ask him out and you will know the answer?

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Except I've shown ALOT of interest in the way I speak to him on the phone

and through our texts..

he knows I like him.

 

 

This early on you can't be sure what the other person knows. Assume I'm right & he's wondering if your interest is waning. What's your next move?

 

 

Early on dating my husband I saw a save the date magnet for his cousin's wedding. A few weeks later I saw an envelope that looked like a wedding invitation. As the date of the wedding crept closer & closer I got sadder & sadder because he never asked me to go to the wedding with him. About 2 weeks before the wedding he said something in passing about what he was expecting us (me & him) to do at the wedding. I stopped him & pointed out that he had never asked me to the wedding with him. He looked at me as though I had 2 heads then said something about the fact that I had seen the save the date card, we talked about his mother's flight and of course I was going to the wedding with him, how could I think anything else. Complete communications failure on both sides.

 

 

I'd love to tell you we got better at it but we didn't. The night he proposed, the ring was presented to me & we both sat there in silence for too long. Finally he said "well?" I responded -- with a teasing smile -- "well what? Nobody's asked me any questions yet."

 

 

You can't presume the other person knows what you feel.

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Yes it does. So why don't you ask him out and you will know the answer?

 

I'm not asking him out cos I'm trying that whole

"watch his actions" approach

 

I know he's interested in me

that's not the point

 

I was wondering if I was stupid to wait before making my own plans

but now since starting this thread

it seems that its also coming down to

whether HOW he's expressing that interest

is compatible for me :eek:

 

so thank you everyone for helping me see this :love:

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This early on you can't be sure what the other person knows. Assume I'm right & he's wondering if your interest is waning. What's your next move?

 

 

Early on dating my husband I saw a save the date magnet for his cousin's wedding. A few weeks later I saw an envelope that looked like a wedding invitation. As the date of the wedding crept closer & closer I got sadder & sadder because he never asked me to go to the wedding with him. About 2 weeks before the wedding he said something in passing about what he was expecting us (me & him) to do at the wedding. I stopped him & pointed out that he had never asked me to the wedding with him. He looked at me as though I had 2 heads then said something about the fact that I had seen the save the date card, we talked about his mother's flight and of course I was going to the wedding with him, how could I think anything else. Complete communications failure on both sides.

 

 

I'd love to tell you we got better at it but we didn't. The night he proposed, the ring was presented to me & we both sat there in silence for too long. Finally he said "well?" I responded -- with a teasing smile -- "well what? Nobody's asked me any questions yet."

 

 

You can't presume the other person knows what you feel.

 

this is an interesting perspective!

 

he did take the time to fully explain when he has his kids & when he doesn't..

wouldn't it be funny that he expects that if he has a Friday night free

we'll do something?

 

but no matter really

so early on in all this

I would expect that he'd want to be clear on things

by directly asking me out for a particular day/night

 

am I being unreasonable in this?

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I would expect that he'd want to be clear on things by directly asking me out for a particular day/night

 

am I being unreasonable in this?

 

 

Sort of. He did ask you out for a particular day & time. You declined. It's tough to always be the one who does the asking. Reach out for him & you make the date this time. It's not hard.

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My question is should I have been making weekend plans even before today?

Is it stupid to sorta wait to see if up til now if he'll ask me out??

 

Yes and Yes. First of all, unless you are going to spend the whole weekend together, you could have made plans for Saturday or Sunday and if he asks you to hang out, you could tell him which day you are still free.

 

Also, when he asked you to hang out for date Nr. 3 and you couldn't, did you suggest another day? He might be waiting for you to tell him when you are free.

 

Never keep a whole weekend free in hopes of a guy you just met will ask you out, that gives him too big a place in your life.

 

My advice is to not go overboard, but also show clear interest in him. I was dating a guy in November that I really cared about. He disappeared after a month without an explanation. Recently he got in touch and told me that he did not think I was really interested and was waiting for me to ask him out.

 

So, play it cool, but not too cool! :):)

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Also, when he asked you to hang out for date Nr. 3 and you couldn't, did you suggest another day? He might be waiting for you to tell him when you are free.

 

Yes, I told him I was free on Monday

 

that's when he explained his custody schedule

he had his kids on that day.

 

I'm not playing it that cool..

we slept together on date 2 ;)

 

he's showing ALOT of interest in me

just not stepping up in the plans department :mad:

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For heavens sake. If you have seen each other naked, pick up the phone & call him. You make the plans. If you can own your sexuality you can own your social calendar.

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Versacehottie
I am absolutely not ok with a lazy guy, who would be? lol!!

 

But since its only been 2 dates

I'm not sure I have enough info yet on his character..

 

ok, well i would do yourself the favor then of not letting him get away with slacking on trying to make plans with you. And you should proceed with your weekend plans & squeeze him in if &when he asks. The one thing i would say in his favor is that when you couldn't do the 3rd date he asked for, you suggest an alternate time. That will help alleviate this confusion of whose turn is it to make the next plans.

 

However, I'm guessing when he didn't pick up on your hint about doing something together that he probably has his kids this weekend. Hang in there. Missing one weekend will be ok. Think long-term with your actions, ie create standards you will be ok with long-term and don't invest too much in someone at this point who you are still getting to know and still has to earn his way into your life. Essentially he has done the same thing to you (not in a mean way, just in a way that does not presume top priority) by staying silent on what his weekend plans are or asking you out. If he came on like a freight train, you might not like it. Put yourself in a guy's shoes and let there be time and space for them to realize they need to see you. Good luck.

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ok, well i would do yourself the favor then of not letting him get away with slacking on trying to make plans with you. And you should proceed with your weekend plans & squeeze him in if &when he asks. The one thing i would say in his favor is that when you couldn't do the 3rd date he asked for, you suggest an alternate time. That will help alleviate this confusion of whose turn is it to make the next plans.

 

However, I'm guessing when he didn't pick up on your hint about doing something together that he probably has his kids this weekend. Hang in there. Missing one weekend will be ok. Think long-term with your actions, ie create standards you will be ok with long-term and don't invest too much in someone at this point who you are still getting to know and still has to earn his way into your life. Essentially he has done the same thing to you (not in a mean way, just in a way that does not presume top priority) by staying silent on what his weekend plans are or asking you out. If he came on like a freight train, you might not like it. Put yourself in a guy's shoes and let there be time and space for them to realize they need to see you. Good luck.

 

very wisely stated, thank you :love:

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