mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 So, I met this girl just over a month ago and we gone out 6 times, mostly on weekends as we are both a bit too busy with work and school during the week. Despite this, she made time to see me even on Christmas. I take this as a good sign since we did not really know each that well, we even unplanned exchanged small gifts. We have mainly met during the day in quiet cafes which allows us to talk and get to know each other. So yesterday we met at night which was quite casual at first, she had a lot of schoolwork to do the next day and was a bit stressed about it, however I wanted to continue spending time with her and I proposed going for some drinks, which she readily agreed to. The drinks certainly loosened us up a bit and we talked in lot more detail about values, dating, relationships, sex, which we seem to share, so another good sign I thought. We have still not had much physical contact, not even a real kiss, I think she may have wanted me to, but my head was still processing everything she told me and everything she said only made me like her even more. I think we both want to take things a bit slow, which I think is wise from my experience as I think we both feel there is something a bit more there than just a casual fling, At the end of the night, she went home and said we would meet after New Year’s, which is not far from now, but I hope that was not her way of telling me she does not want to see me again? So far she has never blown me off and I can tell she puts a lot of care into making herself look extra pretty when we meet. I am in my early 30s and now starting to feel comfortable with being with somebody again after being in a long relationship, but still a bit out of the dating game, however with this girl, my confidence seems to shine through. Like most guys, sex is important to me, but having something meaningful is far more important to me at this stage in my life and I feel there is good chemistry between us. My question is, I possibly missed an opportunity to become a bit intimate, but will that be my last chance and have I blown it with this girl completely because of that? Looking for answers from the ladies, but guys, feel free to voice your opinions or experiences too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 any thoughts? help please! Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnimon Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 You have went out 6 times and still no real kiss? She probably thinks your not really that into her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 It's hard to tell without knowing how she feels about you but...6 dates and you haven't kissed her yet?? How old is she? I don't know. After this last date when she told you what she wanted in a relationship and everything and you didn't try to kiss her, she may be thinking you're not that into her. Did she give you any signs that she may not be interested in pursuing things further? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 If I were the girl and had gone out with someone six times and he didn't try to even kiss me, I'd think he wasn't into me… OP, you need to step up your game on this one. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Thanks for the responses! Okay, wow, it did not even cross my mind that she may not think I am into her! I was being very flirtatious, there is no way she would think I am not interested, she seemed interested mentally, but I had a hard time reading her body language yesterday night and that was my only hesitation in not kissing her. Actions do speak louder than words I realize. The first couples time we met, I would not really consider that a date, just our initial meeting, so maybe I am only 4-5 dates in? We talked today and she was quite stressed with school, I made sure to give her a lot of support. She wants to meet again, after new years. I was hoping we could meet new years as I would move forward then as I am a bit of a romantic. I have met a number of girls before her, but none have made me feel anything like she has, so I would really like to make it work. Do I still have a chance or am off her radar now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 She is in her late 20s, I am in my early 30s and I just found out yesterday that it has been a while that both of us have been single... Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I'm surprised you've been on this many dates and you haven't even so much as tried kissing her. Where's your spirit? Where's your fire? No risk, no reward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I get the picture, my friends told me the same! My fire is definitely there! My spirit is there, but I guess my last long relationship was so bad, that I was a bit cautious as to who I start something more meaningful with, though I am more than ready now to move forward and I feel really good about this girl, hopefully she does too. Hopefully it is not too late? That is my question! Next time I make a move or I know it gets into that awkward friendship stage and that is definitely not what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Too late, you've been friend zoned. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Primarily daytime meetings with no kiss would make me wonder if the guy was into me. Try asking her on a real date -- Friday night movies or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Primarily daytime meetings with no kiss would make me wonder if the guy was into me. Try asking her on a real date -- Friday night movies or something. Thank you for the constructive input. So after our second meeting, I asked her on real dates, dinner, film, drink, etc and she always wanted to meet in cafes, which made me wonder if she was into me? I think she just wanted to get to know me. Then, the date before last, I got a better reading from her and was persistent, so I asked again and she finally accepted to go for drinks, which is where we are at now, so am I in a really bad place? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 No. I don't think you are in a bad place. She may have wanted to get to know you more. Not everybody jumps into the sex stuff quickly. Make sure you try for at least a quick kiss during or after this drink date. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 No. I don't think you are in a bad place. She may have wanted to get to know you more. Not everybody jumps into the sex stuff quickly. Make sure you try for at least a quick kiss during or after this drink date. Thanks again for the support. I guess I was hesitant is because I did not really know everything about her either...now we both do. Also she was a bit stressed with school, so that did not help either, I want to make sure she feels really relaxed around me. Well yesterday was the first drink date, but I will try to ask her for another one and hope that she accepts... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
what_a_blonde Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Thanks again for the support. I guess I was hesitant is because I did not really know everything about her either...now we both do. Also she was a bit stressed with school, so that did not help either, I want to make sure she feels really relaxed around me. Well yesterday was the first drink date, but I will try to ask her for another one and hope that she accepts... I may be missing some of the story, but here are my initial thoughts: - If all she did was ask you to meet in cafes to start, my guess would be that she does want to take it slow... maybe she's dealt with too many dates gone wrong that START OFF with dinner and movies, ya know? So I don't think this is out of the norm. - As someone else mentioned, even though she wanted to meet in cafes, its definitely up to you to up the game and ask her on a "real date". Sounds like you may have done that. - Based on all your info, I'm guessing she said she would "see you after New Years" because yes, she might think you're not that into her. Depending on how you feel about it, I would make it a point to invite her out for an evening date. Lastly, I get that you're trying to take it slow, but given both of your ages.. I doubt she will be appalled if you go in for a kiss (as long as its the right time!). Continue to have fun, be flirty and have a good time, and if you feel its right.. go in for it. I don't think all is lost. Its only been a month... but I do think the clock is a tickin' so definitely step up your game. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Man I hope she isn't thinking you aren't into women? I think it's a bad sign that you guys aren't hanging out for New Years. What better way to start the New Year off right than with someone that you want to spend more time with? I think the fact that she told you "see you after New Year's" may have been a subtle hint for you to say "Why not New Year's? Let's go out and party!" Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Did you ask her what she is doing for New Years Eve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Umm, please kiss her. That is all... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 you sound like a real gentleman with a genuine interest in getting to know her and if she's a 'good' catch she will appreciate that. I would love a guy who went that slow and many women are appreciative of it. but you don't want to show zero affection either. even a warm hug, or kiss on the cheek is better than nothing at this point, because after 6 good dates it's time :-) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty.in.Pink Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You're on the cautious side, but that's fine. I've dated a fair number of guys who took forever to progress to a first kiss. It never crossed my mind to worry that they weren't into me. They planned dates. They called and texted me. They flirted with me. There was chemistry, etc. They were clearly focused on building a serious relationship and something long-term. That being said, kiss her already!!! It's been six dates. Having experienced the full spectrum of how quickly/slowly guys move (my current boyfriend kissed me on the lips before we were even served our entrees on our first date), I'll say you do yourself a bit of a disservice when you drag out the first kiss or holding hands for more than a month. Good luck! You sound like a really great guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Did you ask her what she is doing for New Years Eve? Yes, actually I asked in her in hopes that we could spend it together. She said she had a house party to go to with her girlfriends. She then asked what I was doing, I kind of mentioned that I had a few different plans with my friends, which was no lie, but kind of said it in a way that was open, hinting that she was welcome to join if she decides to change her plans. If we do not meet up for new years, I definitely plan on sending her a message close to midnight to let her know that I am thinking of her... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 you sound like a real gentleman with a genuine interest in getting to know her and if she's a 'good' catch she will appreciate that. I would love a guy who went that slow and many women are appreciative of it. but you don't want to show zero affection either. even a warm hug, or kiss on the cheek is better than nothing at this point, because after 6 good dates it's time :-) Thanks for the compliment! That is definitely good to hear! I think I have definitely been forward in some ways but in a gentlemanly manner, I guess that is my style and I cannot help it. So I will let you know that my background is from a place known for romance, so since we met I have always initiated kissing her on the cheeks when we meet and depart. Now that I think about it, last time I saw her, when we left slightly drunk, I may have put my hand on the small of her back and pulled her in a bit closer when wishing her goodbye. There is still hope I think, she wants to meet again, I am going to push for an evening date and hopefully all the signs will still be there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrspaceman Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) You're on the cautious side, but that's fine. I've dated a fair number of guys who took forever to progress to a first kiss. It never crossed my mind to worry that they weren't into me. They planned dates. They called and texted me. They flirted with me. There was chemistry, etc. They were clearly focused on building a serious relationship and something long-term. That being said, kiss her already!!! It's been six dates. Having experienced the full spectrum of how quickly/slowly guys move (my current boyfriend kissed me on the lips before we were even served our entrees on our first date), I'll say you do yourself a bit of a disservice when you drag out the first kiss or holding hands for more than a month. Good luck! You sound like a really great guy. Haha! That is really funny! Good to hear though, my other female friends said something similar, I still have time, but to definitely move sooner than later. Thanks for the compliment, definitely helps build my confidence. Edited December 30, 2013 by mrspaceman Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I don't really agree with the blanket statement of: "If you haven't kissed yet she thinks you're not into her" and "You've been friend-zoned." I'm in my late 20's, and have recently been dating a guy in his early 30's. I think it's been 4 dates now, and we still haven't kissed. I went into this dating scenario fully prepared to go extremely slow and not caught up in being physical immediately. Tons of girls/women have this pressure that they need to be putting out by date 3 and that's really not reality. I used to just go so fast while dating, never really taking the time to form a solid friendship and a foundation for a relationship and it was no wonder that each. and. every. one of those relationships failed miserably. I went into this with the mentality that I want to form a friendship, and an emotional connection with this guy BEFORE I start including the physical aspect into it. That's just what a great relationship is. An emotional connection first, physical second. Making out, having oral sex, or even full out sex usually stunts anything emotional if done really early on. This is actually the first guy I've dated who I know is interested in me beyond being a friend, WITHOUT pushing anything physical. He's so far been a really nice guy, we talk every day either by phone or text, and we've had some really great dates. We will eventually include the physical but when it happens, I will know he's actually with me for ME, not because he was trying to get a piece, while then pulling the "fade out" right after the fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
slightly_unusual Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 She is in her late 20s, I am in my early 30s and I just found out yesterday that it has been a while that both of us have been single... from the first few posts I thought you were sixteen , I think its extraordinary that you,ve been on six dates and not kissed her , id say this girl likes you as very few women would wait that long for a guy to demonstrate physically that he liked her ive been on four dates with the girl im presently seeing , I kissed her on the lips on our first date and on the second , we frenched plenty fourth date we didn't have sex but she displayed a lot of flesh and this girl is still a virgin good luck but your story is unusual Link to post Share on other sites
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