Letitsnow Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 -very handsome, charming, sweet -when you two chat online – always says right things – misses, thinks about you all the time -calls you sweet names, never your own -gives lots of compliments -get your attention, then is hot and cold, but always assures you everything is fine -sends sexy pics of him and asks for yours -talks about kissing, cuddling with you, later on more and more -says that he will marry you one day or that he wants to try to date you -if you are in relationship – he says he will wait for you and is sorry that you are no single but keeps talking and wanting to meet you anyway -not really deep conversation, you don’t really know him -texts a lot, many of them start with “Hey or morning” only -when you two meet (he is from another state) -he is still very charming, sweet, funny -looks into your eyes most of the time -compliments you, has lots of stories that sound too good -is dressed nicely – later on points out how expensive clothes he wears -talks about other people as if they did not know much but he knows a lot -kiss you deep after very short time and then is all over you -calls his hand “groping” -when you put his hands away from your crotch, chest, he apologizes and than does it again -wants you to feel him all the time -pulls his junk out on first date -is kinda aggressive and pressures for more -then gentle, kissing your face, hair, hands, cuddles a lot -holds your hand in car, when you two walk -wants to send flowers but never does -all of his exes did something to him -tell you his salary after few dates -points out expensive stuff he owns -talks about watching his weight -sends text with “ I think I am falling for you babe” after 3rd date -when kissing you – prefers lie on your and hold your hands behind your head -keeps saying how much he wants to be with you, how he wants to take you home with him -makes you feel special, only one and that he cares -talks about future all the time -you say you can’t sleep with him and he is ok, but tries to get more anyway -tells you he won’t hurt you, that sex is not only thing he wants and can prove it -when he gets what he wants – he is done - sends text or two a week -ignores some of yours but keeps saying how much he misses you and wants to see you again Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 -kiss you deep after very short time and then is all over you -calls his hand “groping” -when you put his hands away from your crotch, chest, he apologizes and than does it again -wants you to feel him all the time -pulls his junk out on first date -is kinda aggressive and pressures for more -you say you can’t sleep with him and he is ok, but tries to get more anyway -tells you he won’t hurt you, that sex is not only thing he wants and can prove it These two quoted sections are not congruent. He sounds more like a potential rapist to be honest. Not to frighten you, or use the term lightly, but repeatedly going for your crotch after you move his hand away, pressuring you to feel him, and being sexually aggressive are NOT good signs, or the signs of a guy who 'won't hurt you' and 'isn't only after sex'. At the very least, he has no respect for you or your wishes, and you are not on the same page about the sexual side of this relationship! Bright, flaming red flags. I'd run a mile. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 There is some weird but true phenomenon where whatever a liar says, you should expect the opposite. For example, if he goes out of his way explicitly to say sex isn't all he wants, it means sex is all he wants. I'd bet a lot of money on this. Men who didn't want only sex wouldn't explicitly say "I don't only want sex." I'm telling you... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 No, these are signs of a potential date RAPIST. No one "pulls his junk out on first date". Run screaming from this guy. Just so you can know for the future. Players are suave. Yes they will tell you what you want to hear but they won't force you to have sex with them. Some of the business about holding your hand, staring into your eyes, tells you he misses you & is otherwise romantic are signs of a player. Players give great date because they are all about seducation & the chase. They know how to get what they want, but they generally prefer their conquests to come willingly. They won't usually do any of the following: -calls his hand “groping” -when you put his hands away from your crotch, chest, he apologizes and than does it again -wants you to feel him all the time -pulls his junk out on first date -you say you can’t sleep with him and he is ok, but tries to get more anyway -tells you he won’t hurt you, that sex is not only thing he wants and can prove it Those all scream sexual predator. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Ugh. I suggest you run :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 -very handsome, charming, sweet -when you two chat online – always says right things – misses, thinks about you all the time -calls you sweet names, never your own -gives lots of compliments -get your attention, then is hot and cold, but always assures you everything is fine -sends sexy pics of him and asks for yours -talks about kissing, cuddling with you, later on more and more -says that he will marry you one day or that he wants to try to date you -if you are in relationship – he says he will wait for you and is sorry that you are no single but keeps talking and wanting to meet you anyway -not really deep conversation, you don’t really know him -texts a lot, many of them start with “Hey or morning” only -when you two meet (he is from another state) -he is still very charming, sweet, funny -looks into your eyes most of the time -compliments you, has lots of stories that sound too good -is dressed nicely – later on points out how expensive clothes he wears -talks about other people as if they did not know much but he knows a lot -kiss you deep after very short time and then is all over you -calls his hand “groping” -when you put his hands away from your crotch, chest, he apologizes and than does it again -wants you to feel him all the time -pulls his junk out on first date -is kinda aggressive and pressures for more -then gentle, kissing your face, hair, hands, cuddles a lot -holds your hand in car, when you two walk -wants to send flowers but never does -all of his exes did something to him -tell you his salary after few dates -points out expensive stuff he owns -talks about watching his weight -sends text with “ I think I am falling for you babe” after 3rd date -when kissing you – prefers lie on your and hold your hands behind your head -keeps saying how much he wants to be with you, how he wants to take you home with him -makes you feel special, only one and that he cares -talks about future all the time -you say you can’t sleep with him and he is ok, but tries to get more anyway -tells you he won’t hurt you, that sex is not only thing he wants and can prove it -when he gets what he wants – he is done - sends text or two a week -ignores some of yours but keeps saying how much he misses you and wants to see you again No, it sounds like a creep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Letitsnow Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 Thank you all. Yes, I should run but I did not. I was very attracted to him and through gentle gestures he was giving me, I ignored everything else. I should never come back after first date but I did. I let him use me while I was falling far him. Now I am just hurt and blame myself for everything. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Run that is all. Run. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 OP, Well now that you have this list and have been used by this horrible man, I hope you hold on to this list as a reminder of what you "don't want" in the next man that you date from online-dating. Yikes. Sorry that happened to you, but the warning signs were there, that he was going to use you. Maybe you should take a break from online dating and just focus on yourself for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grendelsmom Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 get your attention, then is hot and cold, but always assures you everything is fine that right there is a red flag Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Most guys who start saying they want to marry you right off are either super un-experienced in relationships or they're trying to use you. Most guys who spend a lot of energy talking about how much money they make and how expensive their cloths are are also trying to project and image to get into your pants. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Vogeltron Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 I agree with some of the other posts. While you do describe many traits of a Mans Man who likes to shop around. Usually the M word and online conversation with someone in another state is not likely. However, I could be wrong. Most players meet chicks in person and don't put in that much time. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a creep, OP. Please don't go on another date with him. He just wants a shag and he's going about it in the most skeezy, skin-crawling way. I definitely get the feeling he's only telling you what suits him as well. Don't be surprised if there's a wife and kids in the wings with this one.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Thank you all. Yes, I should run but I did not. I was very attracted to him and through gentle gestures he was giving me, I ignored everything else. I should never come back after first date but I did. I let him use me while I was falling far him. Now I am just hurt and blame myself for everything. I'm sorry you got hurt. You sound terribly naive. Unfortunately, you have to learn to protect yourself from guys like this or you could find yourself in very dangerous situations where more than your heart gets hurt. Going forward, if a man pressures you -- & especially if he exposes himself to you -- leave whereever you are. Go to a well lit public place & call for help -- either a friend to pick you up or the police if he's really out of control. Under no circumstances should you ever go on a second date or give your heart to a creep like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
felicity1 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 OP, Maybe you should take a break from online dating and just focus on yourself for a while. Pay close attention to how you treat yourself for one week. You'll notice that sometimes you will not be so good to yourself. This could be why you fell for this manipulative man, b/c you still need to learn how to treat yourself well with the utmost respect you would want from someone else. Other people will disrespect you if you disrespect yourself. With this comes establishing protective boundaries. Perhaps make a list eg: I will not let a new date touch my breasts, I will not put up with liars, I will not continue dating a man who puts his junk out on the first date etc. This issue is really about self-worth no matter what age you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Letitsnow Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 Pay close attention to how you treat yourself for one week. You'll notice that sometimes you will not be so good to yourself. This could be why you fell for this manipulative man, b/c you still need to learn how to treat yourself well with the utmost respect you would want from someone else. Other people will disrespect you if you disrespect yourself. With this comes establishing protective boundaries. Perhaps make a list eg: I will not let a new date touch my breasts, I will not put up with liars, I will not continue dating a man who puts his junk out on the first date etc. This issue is really about self-worth no matter what age you are. Thank you, Felicity! So it all comes to the fact that I don't love myself or value myself enough, right? This is not first time I was told this. I started to read a book about how to love yourself and it helps a lot. I wish I knew that ealier. I grew up thinking that I should love people more because loving myself "more" than others is kinda selfish and wrong... I was too blind to see this guy for who he really is. I always made excuses for him or blamed myself for his behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
felicity1 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thank you, Felicity! So it all comes to the fact that I don't love myself or value myself enough, right? This is not first time I was told this. I started to read a book about how to love yourself and it helps a lot. I wish I knew that ealier. I grew up thinking that I should love people more because loving myself "more" than others is kinda selfish and wrong... I was too blind to see this guy for who he really is. I always made excuses for him or blamed myself for his behavior. Glad to be of some help Letitsnow. I grew up in an abusive family where I was taught exactly the same, that it was selfish to love myself and that others were more important than me-particularly my abusers. As a result to this day I am still needing to work on myself and have to keep reading through my boundary checklist. Letitsnow, do you feel "lesser" or less significant than other people? (If you don't want to answer this that's ok.) Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 OP, regarding your list - don't most people/men do those things? Link to post Share on other sites
felicity1 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 OP, regarding your list - don't most people/men do those things? If so, this does not make "these things" excusable. Your username is fitting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Sounds like a method guy. Probably works in sales. A lot of the tools are similar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 If so, this does not make "these things" excusable. Your username is fitting. Now, now A-hole, no need to be insulting! BTW was I talking to you??? Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 If so, this does not make "these things" excusable. Your username is fitting. hahahahaha BUUUUUURN XD J/K. There's standard dating behaviour that we all have varying opinions on and then there's just being a straight up creep. The dude in question certainly falls into the latter, I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Sounds like a method guy. Probably works in sales. A lot of the tools are similar. That's a really good point. Motivational speaker Brian Tracy often talks about 'the method' in sales that people use and how anyone can do it. I bet this guy is so used to 'talking the talk' that everything's about closing the deal with him, y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
felicity1 Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Now, now A-hole, no need to be insulting! BTW was I talking to you??? That's not the point....and BTW I didn't choose your username. Link to post Share on other sites
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