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Was a freind then I fell in love.. disaster


ConfusedSoul

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ConfusedSoul

this is my sad pathdic story of a tale of me meeting someone on the teen's with corhn's board. we both have Corhns diease its a stomach disorder. anyhow we talked on msn for bout almost 3yrs now. he happened to be vacationing here in florida and invited me to hang out with him. sparks full i clicked for sure I told myself it was stupid he lives in Canada this will only end in heartbreak. but still my heart fester on more and more the feelings grew into falling in love. when he left to go back home i cried right there he said i wouldent come see him he doubted me so so i gave him my special ring my best freind gave me to hold on to as a promise. surenuff i kept it a month later I was there spent 400 dollars of my hard earned money to pursue my heart's desire. lovely trip but when we talked of what this *was* he said LD realtionship/seeing other people fair enough i could live with that we both are in are early 20's no use rushing it in. but when i left him I was heartbroken with missing him. i asked him when hed like to see me again now he saids next summer. i said why he saids well he isnt ready for something serious fair enough i can live with that and wait. till last nite we talked more he said he had a good time i mean something special to him but he isnt ready and he doesnt want it to turn serious im very upset and i want to forget him i try dating ect but at the end of the nite it's he who i still want to be with. anyone else been through this craziness or am i the only dumb fool thnks for reading my long post...

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Yes -- I've been through this; lots of people have. Unfortunately, it's all too common to fall harder for someone than they fall for you. The distance just worsens the situation. At a distance, it's not really possible to "date" casually -- so LDRs usually turn into just friendship or very serious -- not something in between.

 

In this case, your guy has told you he doesn't want to get serious. It's hard to tell if that's because of the distance or because he wants to see lots of girls or because he doesn't want to put the work into a relationship right now. But, one thing's for sure:

 

Botton line is -- and this will be painful for you to hear -- he's not head over heels. If he were, even distance wouldn't stop him. He doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for him. He might like you and if you were local that could grow over time into something more. But, he's not feeling heartpounding, palmsweating excitement -- not enough to make any other factors weight against his reluctance to make a LDR serious relationship with you work.

 

Your only options are to keep the friendship open but back off some so that it doesn't hurt so much (and accept his decision) or break all contact and move on with your life completely. The danger of keeping the relationship open, even a little, is that it will keep reigniting your hope that it could turn into something more. He's been clear that he doesn't want that. Love will make you blind to that clarity -- he'll be warm, funny, caring and it'll lead you on even if he doesn't mean it to. Of course, breaking all contact has its own price: he won't be in your life.

 

Some people have had success in preserving a friendship by cutting contact until the heat of the emotion dies down and they find someone else, etc. You might try that too. I'm sure he'll be understanding about the confusion you're feeling.

 

Sorry -- I know how badly unreturned feelings hurt.

 

-- uriel

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ConfusedSoul

just dont know what to do i dont want him gone from my life it hurts so much he feels that he is my happiness i told him he isnt all of it but i just dont know how to deal with this feeling i haven experinced it in so long it makes me crazy we both dont know what to think or do

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Just give it time. There's nothing you can do to force the issue. Unless he changes his mind about wanting something serious, you've got to accept this is going to hurt and ride out the pain.

 

-- uriel

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ConfusedSoul

or just keep trying to convience myself I never met him. he lives in calgery canada i live in florida shouldent be to difficult to try to pretend it was just some crazy ride or dream or at least this is what my brain is trying to conveince myself of doing

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