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Seems like he's crazy about me yet says he's not SURE he's in love with me???? WTF??


dreaming4ever

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dreaming4ever

I just don't get it. My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and he's not sure if he's in love with me. How can you be NOT SURE??? He broke up with me after we were together for 7 months cuz he had some personal stuff to work out plus he said he just wasn't feeling it....he wasn't in love with me...and it was SO OBVIOUS I was and that I loved him like crazy...so we had time apart...I was in a lot of pain...then a month and a half after we break up he begs for me back saying he made a big mistake and that he wants me in his life and that he was miserable every day we were apart. However, he says that he's not sure if he's in love with me yet so can I please not say "I love you" to him until he's sure he is and that's when he'll say it and I'll know? Weird request but I want him to fall in love with me so I say yeah. So, I take him back.

 

Since then, when we got back together (which was about the middle of May) we've been SO happy, having no relationship problems and spending a ton of time together and getting closer than ever. He always says how cute I am and his desire for me is always there and we have a great time together all the time and don't like to be apart much. To my surprise he's talking about the future and kids and getting a place together soon and so I'm happy cuz I love him like crazy.

He's even said "I love you" and it was awesome.......and he acts like he's crazy about me and so in love.

 

Then today I email him at work and I ask if he's in love with me..cuz I wasn't sure

but I thought I was PRETTY sure. Then I'm COMPLETELY shocked cuz his answer is "I'm not really sure....why are you bringing it up??" He's NOT sure??? What the **** is that? I'm so confused right now....I thought I was sleeping with someone that was in love with me the way I am with him...I thought I was making plans for the future with someone who was in love with me....and yet he's not sure?? What the hell? Now I feel as vulnerable as hell....and confused too! Why doesn't he know?? Can anyone help me here.....maybe guys can tell me what they need to feel to know they're in love and help me figure out why my boyfriend who completely ACTS like he's head over heels in love with me, isn't actually sure if he is...........HELP!! Thanks guys, I cried today over this already and I just need some advice.......is there something fundamentally unlovable about me? JEEZ!! I have bad luck in relationships!!

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No -- there's something wrong with him. He's got emotional problems with commitment. He's not sure he's ready to take on the responsibility of a real partnership, a lasting one. To some guys, that means giving up who they are, foregoing the bonding pleasures of male youth including chasing women, buckling down to a job and a workaday life, etc. It's not you -- it's all of that. Bottom line: I think there are enough signs here to indicate that your fella -- as great as he may be in other ways -- isn't all the way grown up. No guarantee he ever will be (some don't, you know).

 

You can't count on him and you shouldn't. This is the kind of guy who will break your heart. You've been together long enough for him to be sure. If he's not, that's just hurtful. He shouldn't feel he has a right to say that and stick around. You've got some serious thinking to do. How much more information from him do you need before you get the picture?

 

-- uriel

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Hi,

 

I usually like a challenge, so the "I'm not sure I love you" game is funny during the first 3 let's say 4 months of the relationship. After half an year, one can tell if they see themself in the relationship for a longer amount of time.

 

The fact that he sometimes says he lves you it's good. The fact that when you ask him if he's inlove with you he says he doesn't know, it's bad news.

 

As I see it, it's about commitment. emotional commitment to you, something that he's obviously not capable of giving you. It doesn't mean he'll cheat you or leave you. It simply means he's not 100% into the relationship. I think after one year it's a damn big deal.

 

 

 

Considering my past experience, once finished, a relationship is bound to end. I have never ever seen second chances work. He said he was miserable every day we were apart. It sounds to me like he got so used to you in his life that he finds dificult to live without you. Not love. Not that his life is void of any meaning without you... Think about it.

 

 

As I see it, he's in controll in your relationship. When he wants out, he gets out. If he wants in, he gets in. On his terms. Think about this. Is this what you want? Does it look like a healthy relationship to you? It may not sound as serious as I put it, but it is.

 

Read the signs and don't waiste your time...

 

Love,

 

Curly

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I was in the almost exact same situation and while he may of loved me, he didn't love me enough to make a commitment. Besides you want to find someone who knows 100%, just like you know 100%. Trust me, it is definitely worth the wait.

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dreaming4ever

I don't know....I don't think there's like ANY way I can just leave. He ALWAYS talks about our future and living together and getting married and having babies and our careers and stuff. He said when we were apart he couldn't even LOOK at another girl in a sexual way and wasn't attracted to them cuz they weren't me....I may be naive to believe that but I met up with him after we'd been broken up for a month and he looked like complete hell....bags under his eyes, messy hair, plus he wasn't even his normal cheery, funny self, he was DAMN DEPRESSING!

 

I think I should wait to see how things go but I totally agree with you guys about the emotional committment thing. Then again I didn't tell you that every girl he's ever dated has cheated on him so it makes sense if he's scared of committing and getting hurt, doesn't it?? I've even hurt him once a LONG time ago (6 years) when we dated for a month.....so i think I should give him a little leeway and see if he comes around.

 

You know what bothers me though??? The way SO MANY guys are unwilling to talk about their relationships!! grrr....they operate by the 'if it isn't broke, don't fix it' principle, not realizing if you don't WORK ON IT, it COULD get broken! blah....what a situation I'm in!!

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