What is it mean to have a "connection"

[ponchsox]

I've been on a bunch of OLD dates, one turned into a LTR, but I'm back to dating. I keep hearing "we didn't have a connection" How do you know you have a connection after one date? What are the signs?

[odin673]

It's really code speak for spark aka chemistry aka sexual attraction. Just a feminine beat around the bush way to say "she didn't feel the desire to have sex with you"

[ShiningMoon]

It's really code speak for spark aka chemistry aka sexual attraction. Just a feminine beat around the bush way to say "she didn't feel the desire to have sex with you"

 

Not at all. For me "connection" is purely intellectual. "Chemistry/attraction" is sexual. I can have a great connection with someone but no attraction whatsoever.

 

However, if I were to say we have or don't have a "connection", it's mainly an intellectual one coupled with a physical attraction. But a physical attraction only cannot be qualified as "connection" at all. A connection is only on an intellectual level in my case.

 

Hence, I either tell them there's no connection (i.e. I didn't feel comfortable, the conversation wasn't flowing...) or I'm just not attracted to you. It's blunt but honest. I don't like to leave people in the dark.

[ponchsox]

Not at all. For me "connection" is purely intellectual. "Chemistry/attraction" is sexual. I can have a great connection with someone but no attraction whatsoever.

 

However, if I were to say we have or don't have a "connection", it's mainly an intellectual one coupled with a physical attraction. But a physical attraction only cannot be qualified as "connection" at all. A connection is only on an intellectual level in my case.

 

Hence, I either tell them there's no connection (i.e. I didn't feel comfortable, the conversation wasn't flowing...) or I'm just not attracted to you. It's blunt but honest. I don't like to leave people in the dark.

 

I would agree with this. The woman I went on my last date with was very pretty but we had zero intellectual connection. I pretty much had to ask all of the questions and got very vague and weak answers.

[carhill]

I keep hearing "we didn't have a connection"

Yep, that must be the current iteration of what I used to hear a lot back when younger that the particular person didn't feel 'that way' about me.

How do you know you have a connection after one date?

Generally, unless you're an instant responder, you don't. Instant responders triage potentials on the fly. They form an instant impression and fade to black, the end. The good news is that if they leave you to die, death comes quickly. No lingering pain.

What are the signs?

IME, though I once thought there were signs, I don't believe now that there's a definitive list of signs which indicate a true connection. I guess, if you're together a few decades or more and they're holding your hand and looking into your eyes when you're dying with grief in their face, it's possible there was a connection along the way.

 

IME, the overriding dynamic regarding the word 'connection' was that I had something they wanted. Once that desire was satiated, the supposed connection, like an unstable wormhole, moved on. I don't put much stock in buzzwords anymore.

[paigej91]

How do you know you have a connection after one date? What are the signs?

 

It's similar to having a "spark", which is another colloquial term people have a hard time putting into words.

 

For me, I would say I have a "connection" with someone after a first/second date if I felt mentally intrigued. The conversation couldn't be mundane; the combination of both of us being engaged, happy and excited to see each other in order for it to work (it's obvious when the other person isn't so engaged). Moreover, just joking around doesn't make me feel a connection. We have to discuss interesting topics that are unconventional (and likely somewhat nerdy to the average person) in-depth. If he can make me view something in a way I haven't before, he's got me hooked on a mental level

 

A sign of having a connection after only 1-2 dates would be walking away doing the happy dance and/or feeling very blissful.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Connection is something that can be emotional, intellectual, psychological/spiritual, or physical...what that person is saying is that you don't inspire any of those feelings strong enough in order for them to continue seeing you.

 

It can take seconds or minutes to determine whether you want anything to with that person romantically...at least on a serious level, doesn't mean people won't do it anyway or try and force a connection through the bond of just getting to know one another or spending more time together. People have different standards and requirements for that.