Never dated anybody my age.

[greenfairie]

I'm 21 and I don't know why I haven't dated anybody my age or even tried to go out on a date with somebody my age.

 

Do I not attract guys my age?

[Thierro]

Could you tell us a bit more about your situation? Do you like younger or older men? You don't know, but could you try explain it?

[Tephros]

I'm 21 and I don't know why I haven't dated anybody my age or even tried to go out on a date with somebody my age.

 

Do I not attract guys my age?

 

You might need to give people on the forum more context than that in order for them to meaningfully comment on your specific situation. Why does it bother you?

 

One thing I can say is that it was never unusual in our society for women to date guys that are somewhat older, like up to 10 years assuming everybody's of age. Especially early on, this is related to guys on average taking longer to mature. Guys not being on the same page as you emotionally, and not seeming confident or put together partly because of age, makes it less likely that you're going to date them. Some of the age discrepancy is related to traditional gender roles, where the guy has experience, power, and money to offer, and among other things wants a woman who is attractive. Youth, with 21 often considered the ideal age, is considered attractive. I'm not saying that they only want you for your youth and hotness, but that they can get the other things they need as well from you or others your age without dating women in their own age cohort.

[greenfairie]

You might need to give people on the forum more context than that in order for them to meaningfully comment on your specific situation. Why does it bother you?

 

One thing I can say is that it was never unusual in our society for women to date guys that are somewhat older, like up to 10 years assuming everybody's of age. Especially early on, this is related to guys on average taking longer to mature. Guys not being on the same page as you emotionally, and not seeming confident or put together partly because of age, makes it less likely that you're going to date them. Some of the age discrepancy is related to traditional gender roles, where the guy has experience, power, and money to offer, and among other things wants a woman who is attractive. Youth, with 21 often considered the ideal age, is considered attractive. I'm not saying that they only want you for your youth and hotness, but that they can get the other things they need as well from you or others your age without dating women in their own age cohort.

 

 

Okay. I'm 21 and I'm a college student. I tend to date guys about 23-30 who got a job and they seem independent, taking care of themselves well. Some want to be more than just friends. I'm only starting my life. We're in completely different phases in life… I'm just trying to grasp why these guys would be attracted/or wanting a 21-year-old college student.

[Tephros]

Okay. I'm 21 and I'm a college student. I tend to date guys about 23-30 who got a job and they seem independent, taking care of themselves well. Some want to be more than just friends. I'm only starting my life. We're in completely different phases in life… I'm just trying to grasp why these guys would be attracted/or wanting a 21-year-old college student.

 

Okay yeah it's exactly what I said then and a little more. On average 21-year-old women are hotter than 30 year olds (I'm a 30 year old guy, but I tend to attract nurses and teachers in their mid 30s, which isn't usual). Women gain weight, especially if they've had kids. These older guys are independent, you're attracted to that, and that's a function of their age in part. They're independent, so don't need a sugar momma, so the fact that you're a college student rather than a woman in her career isn't a negative, and shows that you're not a complete bimbo so you have more to offer than just looks anyway. Maturity-wise they're likely more on your level than 21 year old guys. Many of the women their age have baggage, i.e. kids, and they don't want to take care of other guys kids. They may want kids but not today, and women's fertility really starts to plummet after 30. A power imbalance makes sex hotter for most people (coequal relationships more often have intimacy lags). I mean really, there are dozens of reasons for why men tend to be older than the women they date and vice versa. There's nothing really wrong with it. Just be with who you want to be with and don't think about their age.

[Tephros]

LOL. "21 year old girls are hotter than 30 year old women." What a crock. And if you think all your male counterparts are a bunch of highly desirable Brad Pitts walking around who have the pick of the litter when it comes to young ladies, you are very SADLY mistaken.

 

Huh? You really dispute that people are more attractive physically on average when they're 21 versus 30? Not to mention that they'll stay attractive longer. I don't mean to imply that every 21 year old is hotter than every 30 year old, but on average for sure.

[Johnson1]

I'm 21 and I don't know why I haven't dated anybody my age or even tried to go out on a date with somebody my age.

 

Do I not attract guys my age?

 

What difference does it make whether the guy is your age or if he's 23 - 30? Why does it bother you? Do you not find guys a few years older attractive? Think of it in terms of maturity and stability. The older a guy is the more stable (typically) not to mention more experienced in bed. So what's the downside?

[Bigcitydreamer]

Huh? You really dispute that people are more attractive physically on average when they're 21 versus 30? Not to mention that they'll stay attractive longer. I don't mean to imply that every 21 year old is hotter than every 30 year old, but on average for sure.

 

That's not what it's like where I'm from and have lived. 21 year olds are still pretty broke and dont have as nice clothes or style, they aren't as experienced using makeup and doing their hair. 30 year olds on the other hand are way more stylish and put together.

 

Op your situation is strange for sure. Maybe it has to do with your social circles and where you spend your time. Also maybe you look mature for your age and you appear closer to 23 than 21 which in my opinion is a good thing!

[greenfairie]

That's not what it's like where I'm from and have lived. 21 year olds are still pretty broke and dont have as nice clothes or style, they aren't as experienced using makeup and doing their hair. 30 year olds on the other hand are way more stylish and put together.

 

Op your situation is strange for sure. Maybe it has to do with your social circles and where you spend your time. Also maybe you look mature for your age and you appear closer to 23 than 21 which in my opinion is a good thing!

 

 

Thanks for your input!

However, I don't agree with your comment except for one thing, we are most definitely pretty broke. But the style and makeup part, what!?

 

I know some 30 year olds who dress like **** who can't even put on makeup properly and 20 year olds got amazing style with awesome makeup skills.

 

Maybe it's different because I live in Orange County right by Los Angeles, so it's a very diverse community here. I got plenty of girls who are well-put together when they have to be with great makeup.

[greenfairie]

What difference does it make whether the guy is your age or if he's 23 - 30? Why does it bother you? Do you not find guys a few years older attractive? Think of it in terms of maturity and stability. The older a guy is the more stable (typically) not to mention more experienced in bed. So what's the downside?

 

 

I'm not complaining at all! I'm just CURIOUS to why some older men could choose women THEIR age… and instead, some men would choose us younger girls. That's what I'm getting at. I mean, for example, when I talk with an older guy who's 27 and he starts flirting n ****, I'm thinking, "Wtf. Why are you so attracted to me? You're hot, intelligent, funny, and you got more **** going for you than I do.. You could easily find a woman your age with MORE of a life like having a professional degree, being more experienced with being on her own vs. dating a 21-year-old who doesn't have too much experience in life just yet and is still working towards her career)

 

I do find older men attractive… I think that's a reason why I get drawn to them.

[AHaze]

I'm 22, my ex is 24..

 

She had always dated older guys, up to around 30y.o I think, I remember asking her why, she said it just so happened that the guys who her relationships had been established with were older...

 

And seen as though it's slightly more common for guys to be the "initiator", it makes sense to say it's more a fact of "guys going for younger girls", rather than "girls going for older guys"...

 

As it pans out that way, girls are lead to believe that they actually do prefer older guys, when in reality that's all they've ever really known... and don't really have enough experience with younger/same age guys to compare with.

 

I can back this up from a guys perspective, because all 3 of my "committed" relationships have been with girls older than me, and I've been having sex since I was 15 so I'm not sure exactly how many girls I've slept with but I do know that it's over 10, and only 2 were younger than me.