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dating a much younger girl


jmurray

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I'm a professional male that's 41 years old. I'm not the best looking guy so I don't have my pick of woman. I have struck up a friendship with an 18 year old girl and she seems to be interested in going out with me. Maybe not seriously but somewhat more of a casual relationship. I think she likes the fact I have my act together and can treat her well. She probably is not used to that in comparison to younger guys she has dated.

 

Anyway, what does everyone feel about a 41 year old guy hanging out and most probably having sex with an 18 year old girl. I'm conflicted about it myself. I don't get many opportunities to have fun and enjoy myself. Should I deprive myself because she might be too young. Or should I just have fun if she's willing?

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You couldn't find someone who was at least half your age? Though seriously, what would you guys even talk about? I don't think I'd do that one man. Let's aim for someone who wasn't born in the mid 90s, eh?

 

She likes my sense of humor and I make her laugh. I act silly and she likes it so not having stuff to talk about is not the issue. I'm more concerned about am I being a creep in some way because I'm not older than her. I don't think so because it's not like I'm taking advantage of her in any way. But I would like to hear opinions.

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happywithlife

If you decided to pursue something, I would do so with extreme caution for several reasons:

1. You are more likely looking for some fun and nothing too serious (like marriage and kids). She may say the same at first, but she's young, easily influenced, and likely to start fantasizing about marriage, kids, etc at some point. She will likely get a lot more attached than you. If you proceed, continue to verbalize that you are looking for short-term fun.

 

2. Will the stigma of dating (i.e. sleeping with) someone that much younger than you have a negative impact on your social and professional life. Will it creep out your friends? Do you have a job where this would be seriously frowned upon (teacher, public figure, work for a not-for-profit, health care worker). It would be culturally frowned upon in many places and this may have a negative impact on your social/professional life. Are you willing to take that risk?

 

3. She may be "of legal age" but an 18 year old's brain is not fully matured yet. Because of this and because of the vast difference in life experiences between the two of you, she will process information, ideas, etc differently than you. This will likely lead to more drama, issues, etc than you may want. Do you want to deal with a pouty teenager?

 

4. What will happen if she gets pregnant? I know a 41 year old woman could get pregnant too, but how that person will handle the pregnancy, you, etc will be vastly different than how an 18 year old will. Do you want to be a baby daddy?

 

5. Are you ready for the staring that will ensure when you flirt, kiss, etc out in public? Everyone around you will have one thing on their mind - why is that man with someone more than young enough to be his daughter?

 

I'm sure there are many other issues to consider too. This is really a tricky situation. Both of you could be wonderful people and enjoy each other's company. In the long run, your life will be a lot more complicated if you try to pursue it. You'd probably be happier in the long run if you decided to pursue a woman closer to your own age, but I could be totally wrong too.

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I don't consider 18y/o to be mature enough for someone over 25, let alone 41. There is a big difference between 18 and 21. Good bit of difference between 21 and 25. Little bit of difference between 25 and 30. By 30...whatever.

 

Personally, I have standards. 25 and over and I check ID. 18 is just a babe in the woods. Should let her be.

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I don't consider 18y/o to be mature enough for someone over 25, let alone 41. There is a big difference between 18 and 21. Good bit of difference between 21 and 25. Little bit of difference between 25 and 30. By 30...whatever.

 

Personally, I have standards. 25 and over and I check ID. 18 is just a babe in the woods. Should let her be.

 

Lets say she is pursuing the relationship and wants to get together. For some reason she likes older men and wants someone more experienced. I don't disagree with many of the things you're saying but she is making it tough for me to walk away taking into account I don't get too many opportunities.

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I'm 21 and I wouldn't date an 18 y/o.

 

I never said this is ideal for me. You're probably a good looking guy and can get other girls. My choices are limited based on my looks so I'm partly settling and somewhat compromising my values I guess.

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I never said this is ideal for me. You're probably a good looking guy and can get other girls. My choices are limited based on my looks so I'm partly settling and somewhat compromising my values I guess.

 

So you are considering compromising and settling because you have a hard time getting a lady your own age? She is 18. Do you think this pursuit is in her best interest? Do you care? Have you considered where her head is and her history that she would be seeking the attention of a man her fathers age?

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I'm guessing her parents were never married or her father was never in the picture, or not for long, so she craves male attention. Get a vasectomy before you date/screw her in case she sees you as a way to have a nice income for the next eighteen years by getting pregnant. Don't be foolish enough to believe her if she tells you she is on birth control. You need to take charge of that situation.

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Is she attractive at all or even average looking for an 18 year old?

 

 

I'm baffled why an 18 year old would want a 41 year old man unless that 41 year old man looked like a movie star or something

 

......sugardaddie.

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<21 can be trouble if she's drunk in public with you.

Other than that the standard rules of don't knock her up & don't get feelings for her are in place.

 

Have fun, make sure she knows it's just fun.

 

I hope she's hot enough that your friends won't make fun of you.

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When I read the title of your post & the first line showing that you are 41, I was about to chastise you for calling a grown woman a girl, but then I read that you are in fact dating a TEENAGER.

 

 

On some levels age is just a number. If you were 44 & she was 21, I'd be less concerned about it. But here, she can't even go to a bar for heaven's sake. Is she still in high school? What are you going to do, take her to the prom? Its not the span of years, it's the life stage. You are old enough to have kids her age. She has here whole life ahead of you & even if you are "serious" about her or at least the ego boost you are getting because some hot young chick is into you, in a few months she's gonna bolt. This is not sustainable. I don't see a scenario where this ends well.

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I'm guessing her parents were never married or her father was never in the picture, or not for long, so she craves male attention. Get a vasectomy before you date/screw her in case she sees you as a way to have a nice income for the next eighteen years by getting pregnant. Don't be foolish enough to believe her if she tells you she is on birth control. You need to take charge of that situation.

 

Actually her parents were married and still together today. She claims to really like older guys and doesn't get along with boys her age.

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jmurray:

Legally she is an adult. What you do with an adult is your own business. I am around your age and I cannot imagine an affair with a 18 y/o. However, I also have the luxury of being married to a lovely woman so I cannot possibly understand how lonely you are and how tempting this is to someone who admitted to having few options. Just stay safe with condoms, wrap it up for protection against pregnancy, and place your boundaries so neither of you gets emotionally hurt.

 

Good Luck on your Adventure,

Grumps

 

p.s. You are unmarried, correct?

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The more I think about this situation the more I think it is just wrong. She is not a free ticket to a buffet after a long fast. But you talk about her like one, because your sexual appetite is not being fed by women of an appropriate age. Just because she wants to hand it to you doesn't mean it's right to take it. You are a grown man, you should be more concerned with what is in the best interest of this girl than your d!ck. After all, I doubt either of you have long term relationship intentions.

 

She is a young, impressionable girl (as you call her yourself). Don't take from her sexually or emotionally. Do you think she would come out of this 'relationship' a better, more well adjusted girl?

 

Btw, I've had an unhealthy craving for adult male attention as a teen as well. Perhaps this girl is different, but her interest may very well come from an unhealthy emotional place.

 

This seems opportunistic to me.

Edited by NJtoDC
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I don't know this is a bad idea in my eyes. i am 29. And recently had a fling with a guy that was 42which didn't really workout. I liked the older man too. I'm not sure why. maybe its messed up. anyhow therw can be attraction but i wouldn't go for it .shell fall in love and you'll pay for it in the end.

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I don't know this is a bad idea in my eyes. i am 29. And recently had a fling with a guy that was 42which didn't really workout. I liked the older man too. I'm not sure why. maybe its messed up. anyhow therw can be attraction but i wouldn't go for it .shell fall in love and you'll pay for it in the end.

 

You're a fully grown woman, she is a teenager. Please be realistic.

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I don't know this is a bad idea in my eyes. i am 29. And recently had a fling with a guy that was 42which didn't really workout. I liked the older man too. I'm not sure why. maybe its messed up. anyhow therw can be attraction but i wouldn't go for it .shell fall in love and you'll pay for it in the end.

 

There is a big difference in age, life experience, and maturity between 29 and 18. At 29, would you date an 18 boy? Can you see yourself dating an 18 boy when you are 41?

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It's not a fair fight here -- you've been around the block at 41 for more than 2 decades.

 

At 18, she hasn't. She may think she only wants something casual, but feeling may develop, as they almost always do for women, and then she may have her heart broken badly. She may also think you want something serious. Normally, her judgment is her responsibility, but with this age gap, come on... she's a baby, don't just stick your penis in without caring about her personally. Do you have any compassion?

 

Were she 41 like you, she might have learned that lesson already. Sex is to be taken seriously-- it has serious emotional consequences. And 18-year-olds have no idea and are vulnerable.

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In contrast to a lot of other posters, I don't automatically assume you're a creep for wanting to date someone so much younger than yourself. Of course, there are a lot of May-December romances in my family and I also became involved with a man who was 36 when I was 18.

 

I can see it from both sides, with the help of the perspective of ten years. I don't feel this person took advantage of me because of my age. In many ways, it turns out that even at 18 I was much more mature and responsible than he was then. But because you have the benefit of experience, I do think you carry a large part of the responsibility in the relationship to make sure you are fair and respect her own lack of world experience. There are a lot of things I know now that I had no clue about ten years ago. Of course, a lot of them are because of that relationship.

 

In the end, you will probably do what you want because you are already justifying yourself here. You should do what you think is right and whatever you are comfortable with, but be mindful and respectful of the age gap.

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No sane people in your life are going to think this is a good idea. A 41 year old going out with an enviably younger woman means a 25 year old.

 

At 18, people are just going to think you're creepy. Doug Hutchison is mostly an object of pity.

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