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Amount of love = amount you spend?


Transcendent

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I was cleaning my boyfriend's drawer and found a receipt at Tiffany's from a year back. He spent over 1k on a necklace for his ex-girlfriend, I would assume. My birthday was just last week and he got me a $5 plastic necklace with random things that he assumed that I would like. (Which I did) But I was a bit disheartening to see that he would spend so much on her especially when he told me how he prefers not to spend too much on anything.. Does love equate to a price tag on a necklace? I don't know what to think, I'm just a little sad. I think it's normal.. Right?

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Since she is his ex, perhaps he tried to buy her love and failed, so decided not to spend money on a woman until they'd been dating a long time. Maybe he is still paying for that Tiffany necklace. But $5 plastic necklace? That's what I call cheap!

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Sorry. I would be curious to know if his ex still has the necklace and why he still has the receipt. It's probably too late if after a year, but still curious.

 

He probably told you that he wasn't into spending a lot b/c he had been burned in the past. This may be that time. But you feeling bummed is natural, but don't let it get to you down too much. You were happy with what you did received, right? He was being considerate? Enjoy that.

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Men usually learn that money can't buy love (that's a song I think) in their own individual time. Then they usually learn that generosity can be taken advantage of.

 

Having lived a lot of life, I seriously doubt another woman will benefit from the same generosity and selfless love which has gone before. It simply cost too much, and I don't mean strictly in the bank sense. In all things there is balance.

 

If you're sad that you're loved and your lover remembered your birthday with his attention, care and some things you like, then you are. That's valid. If amount of love = amount one spends speaks to you, then it does. Remember, people change. Your BF isn't the same man he was when that past receipt was created and he'll be a different man a day, a week, a year or a decade from now. How you accept and love him, or not, is up to you. Good luck.

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I think I'll just let the past go and I shouldn't hold him against that. Plus it doesn't seem practical to be lavishly buying me gifts anyways. But I will admit, I do want to be spoiled every now and then though! I really do appreciate him taking his time to make something I like. I guess you can say that its priceless.

 

Its just a bit hard stumbling on those things on accident. It makes one curious and questions a lot of things that probably aren't there. But why would I look at their relationship when I should be focusing on ours?

 

I would still like to hear other people's opinions on this particular subject though.

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Are you sure that the receipt was his and not hers? or anyone elses for that matter...

 

Even I would be bummed by something like that...but i guess thats why relationships require so much work.. and people say do not have expectations..Air this out with him if it bothers you that much...

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I don't need someone to spend much money on me to show love - but I would find it weird if he was lavish with this other person and super cheap with you. I'd just ask him about it, and what he was thinking - make sure he even paid for that expensive necklace himself.

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Ninjainpajamas
I think I'll just let the past go and I shouldn't hold him against that. Plus it doesn't seem practical to be lavishly buying me gifts anyways. But I will admit, I do want to be spoiled every now and then though! I really do appreciate him taking his time to make something I like. I guess you can say that its priceless.

 

Its just a bit hard stumbling on those things on accident. It makes one curious and questions a lot of things that probably aren't there. But why would I look at their relationship when I should be focusing on ours?

 

I would still like to hear other people's opinions on this particular subject though.

 

Stop looking through his shet for starters...by "stumbling" upon this receipt and forces your eyes upon the amount and details.

 

With that being said...five dollar necklace kinda makes me wonder what kind of girl he takes you for.

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todreaminblue

i dotn think it defines anything about the strength of his feelings for you and his thoughts of you, he spent moeny on a necklace fro an ex he might have had more emoney then than now...i would be happy with a card....or a kiss and a happy birthday deb....gifts mean nothing...unless..its the spirit of giving that means something not what's in the box.....he chose thing that he thought you would like......that to me is spirit.......she could have picked out that necklace herself...and told him to buy it....you never know and that relationship is over anyway...shows you cant buy love or guarantee longevity of a love union with trinkets.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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Guys generally work only as hard as they have to. She made him work harder than you do. I don't think how hard a guy works always coresponds to how much he loves a woman but I totally understand why you feel bad. Definitely stop being so nice to him.

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$5 is the price of a beer or coffee where I live. I wouldn't even consider being that cheap on my FWBs. I'd expect vast majority women when opening up the present to go WTF....'haha funny boy. Where's my real present.'

I agree with the others who have said a guy who spent a lot on girls in the past might now be jaded from learning the hard way that money does not buy happiness. You also need to take into account how long a guy was dating one girl to another in terms of his present expenditure. At the same time I can totally understand how a woman would be upset on learning that a her bf was a lot more generous to his exes.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Yeh I wonder this as well. $5 is the price of a beer or coffee where I live. I wouldn't even consider being that cheap on my FWBs. I'd expect vast majority women when opening up the present to go WTF....'haha funny boy. Where's my real present.'

I agree with the others who have said a guy who spent a lot on girls in the past might now be jaded from learning the hard way that money does not buy happiness. You also need to take into account how long a guy was dating one girl to another in terms of his present expenditure. At the same time I can totally understand how a woman would be upset on learning that a her bf was a lot more generous to his exes.

Who really knows how much it cost? She shouldn't, since I doubt he showed her the receipt. Her intention was probably just to convey how cheap it seemed by putting a price on it she thought it might be. Maybe he really paid 25 bucks for it. :o

 

I know plenty of guys who put in the least amount of effort possible so it seems legit to me. I tried to get away with not getting one of my former girlfriends anything for her birthday until she slapped me into shape.

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As another poster said, if he or she learned the hard way to be a bit more circumspect with his $$, time, sex, whatever... to the extent that he realizes that it doesn't buy love or real intimacy, then that is a valuable lesson. It wouldn't change their feelings. If gifts are the way YOU feel loved, then I can see how that might bother you though.

 

There is this thing called 'love languages'... it is the expression with which people tend to feel the most loved... for some, it might be as simple as a home cooked meal. For others, it might be gifts.

 

To me, time and care mean everything. I wouldn't care less that the necklace he gave me only cost $5. It wouldn't even matter if he gave it to me on my b-day (unless b-days were important to me... which they aren't). I still have about 2 carats worth of diamond 'love' my ex-H gave me on our anniversary... 6 months prior to him confessing his affair. I never asked for them. Those diamonds are in a drawer now. I offered to give them back (I didn't want them anymore)... but he refused. So I keep them for a rainy day. *shrug*

 

If I were you... I'd be happiest if the necklace he gave you expressed a sincere attention to my interests... and in the time he spent. It's why some of us value a kid's refrigerator art more than any Picasso. (or diamonds)

 

Not to sound transactional or anything... but you were cleaning his house. That's a very nice expression of care and time. How did he react to that? Was the $5 necklace something that was left over in someone's attic?? or was it something you two randomly saw together and you liked? and he went back and picked it up specially for you.

 

See what I'm getting at??

Edited by RedRobin
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Who really knows how much it cost? She shouldn't, since I doubt he showed her the receipt. Her intention was probably just to convey how cheap it seemed by putting a price on it she thought it might be. Maybe he really paid 25 bucks for it. :o

 

I know plenty of guys who put in the least amount of effort possible so it seems legit to me. I tried to get away with not getting one of my former girlfriends anything for her birthday until she slapped me into shape.

 

Unfortunately, this does seem to be true. Although, I'd argue it is kind of the human condition to try and maximize output for minimal input... for both men and women.

 

Since $$ and gifts don't mean anything to me, per se, I imagine that some guys think they can be lazy (in general).

 

As many people have noted here... my standards are very high in terms of the amount of intimacy and care I want from a partner.

 

could really care less if it is attached to $$... In fact, in many cases, just giving expensive $$ might be the laziest way to show love.... especially for those who have lots of $$ and very little time.

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Just an observation here, but was he better off financially a year ago as opposed to now? Is he depleted of funds for some reason?

 

For some people, they can indirectly prove their love for one another by buying rather expensive trinkets and jewelry and others may not. Some don't mind splurging on those kinds of things and some do.

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Unfortunately, this does seem to be true. Although, I'd argue it is kind of the human condition to try and maximize output for minimal input... for both men and women.

 

Since $$ and gifts don't mean anything to me, per se, I imagine that some guys think they can be lazy (in general).

 

As many people have noted here... my standards are very high in terms of the amount of intimacy and care I want from a partner.

 

could really care less if it is attached to $$... In fact, in many cases, just giving expensive $$ might be the laziest way to show love.... especially for those who have lots of $$ and very little time.

 

Here, here, Red.

 

I am a very creative person. I sew, crochet, teach design classes, etc. My gf loves the things that I make over jewelry, etc.

 

But, of course, a little jewelry here and there doesn't hurt. :)

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mercuryshadow
I was cleaning my boyfriend's drawer and found a receipt at Tiffany's from a year back. He spent over 1k on a necklace for his ex-girlfriend, I would assume. My birthday was just last week and he got me a $5 plastic necklace with random things that he assumed that I would like. (Which I did) But I was a bit disheartening to see that he would spend so much on her especially when he told me how he prefers not to spend too much on anything.. Does love equate to a price tag on a necklace? I don't know what to think, I'm just a little sad. I think it's normal.. Right?

 

 

Ouch. That would hurt me, too. I don't know your bf, so I can't judge him or his circumstance, but I'd say you are quite "normal". :) It's good that you liked the gifts he chose for you, despite having seen the receipt for that $1,000 necklace. If it was from only a year ago, perhaps it was a last-ditch attempt on his part to save that relationship. I do recall that my son's father bought me $500 diamond earrings during one of our roughest patches. It was clear to me that he was trying to band-aid the relationship. It didn't work.

 

Anyway, being that your relationship must also be relatively new, there's still time. :)

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As another poster said, if he or she learned the hard way to be a bit more circumspect with his $$, time, sex, whatever... to the extent that he realizes that it doesn't buy love or real intimacy, then that is a valuable lesson. It wouldn't change their feelings. If gifts are the way YOU feel loved, then I can see how that might bother you though.

 

There is this thing called 'love languages'... it is the expression with which people tend to feel the most loved... for some, it might be as simple as a home cooked meal. For others, it might be gifts.

 

To me, time and care mean everything. I wouldn't care less that the necklace he gave me only cost $5. It wouldn't even matter if he gave it to me on my b-day (unless b-days were important to me... which they aren't). I still have about 2 carats worth of diamond 'love' my ex-H gave me on our anniversary... 6 months prior to him confessing his affair. I never asked for them. Those diamonds are in a drawer now. I offered to give them back (I didn't want them anymore)... but he refused. So I keep them for a rainy day. *shrug*

 

If I were you... I'd be happiest if the necklace he gave you expressed a sincere attention to my interests... and in the time he spent. It's why some of us value a kid's refrigerator art more than any Picasso. (or diamonds)

 

Not to sound transactional or anything... but you were cleaning his house. That's a very nice expression of care and time. How did he react to that? Was the $5 necklace something that was left over in someone's attic?? or was it something you two randomly saw together and you liked? and he went back and picked it up specially for you.

 

See what I'm getting at??

 

I agree with this.

After breaking up with an ex, we started talking randomly about stuff and I mentioned that I missed his dog - a little chihuahua.

The next day he invites me for coffee and brings me this little chihuahua he got a McDonalds - they were selling stuffed versions of the poster Dogs - the ones with the oversized noses.

 

We got back together lol

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Here, here, Red.

 

I am a very creative person. I sew, crochet, teach design classes, etc. My gf loves the things that I make over jewelry, etc.

 

But, of course, a little jewelry here and there doesn't hurt. :)

 

That's great!! Who knew?!! I used to know how to crochet, and now I knit. I used to sew my own clothes... and still do the occasional evening gown... or at least alterations. My dad has made all kinds of things for my mom. He sewed her a beautiful velvet dress one time... and forged an amazing metal heart made of copper and aluminum from leftover metal on an aircraft he was building.

 

Glad you have a lady who appreciates the things you make vs the things that are bought. :love:

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Ruby Slippers

In my relationships, I have found that there's a clear correlation between how much the guy likes/loves me and how much effort he puts into giving gifts and doing other nice things. The price of the gift doesn't matter. But the relative cost of money, time, and effort speaks volumes.

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