Diva3083 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I am confused and hurt, I've met this amazing man, we both have so much in common and make one another laugh and that. We dated for 3 months. But he has anxiety, we were so in love. Till after our trip things started to fall. We never had sex yet. But he sees a therapist every week, she had told him that he need to break it off with me, and be friends, cause I was smothering and babying him. I was only being a good gf, But how I still love him, so I've been trying and trying, but everytime he sees me he's all over me and telling me he wants to date again. He keeps telling me he misses me, I try to be happy for his sake but it's so hard. He wants to move away also i was supposed to go also. Last week he was all over me, when he saw me he couldn't keep his hands off me. He told me he loves me still and wants us to date again, he kissed me a few times and held my hand, then after he held me in his arms. He said maybe next week we can be together after he speaks to his therapist but I'm so afraid, we talk every day and see a lot of each other. I don't know what to do anymore, do I continue waiting and hoping for the best? Or do I just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
mikefiore Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Was just contemplating,if you stopped "smothering and babying him", would his "therapist" still advice him to break off with you? If the answer is yes, ...it almost sounds as if the therapist is laying the blame squarely on you. I just sense that is something is not right here. It's hard to be in a relationship where it seems that you are the only one that needs to "measure up" to your partner. For a start, You need a fresh perspective from a close friend or at least a relationship counselor (not a therapist please!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diva3083 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 see before he met me he was doing better, but he said he rushed it with me and his therapist insisted he meet people as friends but you can't help your feelings right? So I've stopped smothering and babying him and well I'm not sure where this stands, like today he touched me as how a bf would, a few weeks ago his therapist insisted he meet new girls. I feel like I have to impress his therapist. He wants to be with me but he's just listening to what his therapist tells him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diva3083 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I've been told that she thinks I'm a nice person and everything. He said it's not me it's him he wants to be healthy, he also said he doesn't know how to be in a relationship, how much to call or text he wants to feel independent and not depend on me for a lot of things and get attached to me. Link to post Share on other sites
mikefiore Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 "I feel like I have to impress his therapist." - BINGO That's exactly what I meant. He has someone in his corner and that person is just as contradicting as he is. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not making him out to be a villain. Besides, there is probably more of what you don't know yet about him. Keep him close but don't buy everything that he said was what the therapist said. Listening to It is going to keep pounding your self-esteem to the ground (frankly that could create a separate set of problems too!). In fact, it would be better if you didn't know what the therapist think at all. Until you see congruence in his words (i.e. his actions and words are aligned), you should probably have not too much of an expectation of him and you yet. It may not be what you want to hear right now, but I do sense that you are putting more in the relationship than he has. To be fair to him, he may also be confused himself with what the therapist is trying to tell him. Logical mind Vs. Emotional Heart, we have all been there. Give him time, nothing wrong to go out with him. But until he sort his own feelings out, it will be challenging for you to move forward with him. The ball is in his court, the way I see it. Link to post Share on other sites
HeyKat Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Sounds like a lot of work after just 3 months, but you are the only one that knows if it's worth it. Have you talked about going to the therapist with him, get some advise on how to support without smothering and what his/your needs are in all this? Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I've been told that she thinks I'm a nice person and everything. He said it's not me it's him he wants to be healthy, he also said he doesn't know how to be in a relationship, how much to call or text he wants to feel independent and not depend on me for a lot of things and get attached to me. Diva, HE IS SEEING A THERAPIST B/C OF ISSUES HE HAS. It's not you. Don't let him or the therapist make you believe it has to do with you. He's seeing a therapist for a reason and before he met you. Truthfully, I think it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who gets bent out of shape or remotely unstable by being in a relationship. Too many people seem to try to cure or save other and think that their presence will somehow save the other....it almost always doesn't happen. You should listen to him when he says that he needs to be health....he needs to be healthy before he can be in a productive, healthy relationship. He and his therapist know more about what is going on than you do. I would like to think that his therapist knows better than you what your bf needs right now. In any case, I feel that your bf is not in a healthy place to have a relationship and that spells trouble (as it is happening now) for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diva3083 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 Well I just heard back, his therapist said he can go back to dating as he got things figured out. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Well I just heard back, his therapist said he can go back to dating as he got things figured out. What?! Just like that? So, how long ago was your bf telling you that his therapist was telling hime to leave you? Not be in a relationship? Man, I can't help thinking that all this drama is your bf's doing and maybe nothing to do with his therapist. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diva3083 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 A few weeks now, he told me before he just wanted space. I always thought he was leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
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