Angel29 Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I met a guy through a social group in March and we got on really well but the night ended badly as he kept putting his arm around me and kept trying to kiss my cheek so I called him a womaniser. When I saw the guy out with friends 2 weeks later I apologised as I had felt bad about it for weeks. I realised his 'technique' is because he hasn't had a girlfriend and mutual friends have confirmed he is shy. Since then he will travel 40 miles away for events and he always approached me and none of the other girls. He is shy and would watch me from afar. He would check the group multiple times each day for that week he was coming to an event. If my name was not down he would not come. I told him last night I liked him and he said he fancies me and is still attracted to me still but he says he lost interest. I asked when he lost interest, he said he cannot remember. I didn't realise people stopped liking someone. He says we have nothing in common which I know is a lie. I said he doesn't know me well and why don't we hang out which he said he doesn't hang out with people he fancies. I didn't get this, if there is a spark wouldn't this be important. Then he threw it back in my face saying he showed me interest the first night and I called him a womaniser and that he isn't one and he wants a relationship. He said he is looking for someone he has everything in common with - I don't know if that exists. I just feel so heartbroken at the moment I put my heart on the line and got these mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 He likes you and is attracted to you but he lost interest? Makes no sense. When you lose interest, you do not like the person anymore or find them attractive. Sounds like he is playing the "stick it to you" game. Don't feel bad - this guy likes you but is messing with you because he felt hurt by you declining his advances. He made it obvious by telling you about the "womanizer" comment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yankees51988 Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) Pretty simple, he is denying you because you denied him in the past. I never give a girl a shot that turned me down before (other than a legitimate reason), and always will turn them down right back, even if I do "fancy" them a little. What comes around goes around and there are other women out there. Edited October 13, 2013 by yankees51988 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hogwild Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Angel29, call his bluff. From the information you give, he obviously still likes you but he's scared you'll reject him or he's playing games like his version of being hard-to-get. If you want him to take you on a date, give him 1 chance before erasing him from your memory. Tell him, "I'm sorry for calling you a womanizer. If you're really looking for a relationship, then take me out on a proper date so we can get to know each other. I'd like to get to know you better." That's it. If he doesn't propose a proper date within a week, then say, "Oh, I guess you're not interested. A girl can't wait around forever!" Give him 2 more days to ask you out. If he doesn't, move on. But if the dude likes you and he's not entirely immature, he'll take you out on a date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Ugh. He was interested, so she shut him down. Now that his interest is waning she can't get enough of him. This guy is setting you up for a FWB situation... he'll bang you, then when you expect a relationship from him, he'll be all like, "Hey, I told you I wasn't feeling it." He's got you over a barrel, and the only thing you can do is walk away. See what taking away the upper hand does to him - I'll bet he comes chasing after you after a bit. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Atem Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I met a guy through a social group in March and we got on really well but the night ended badly as he kept putting his arm around me and kept trying to kiss my cheek so I called him a womaniser. When I saw the guy out with friends 2 weeks later I apologised as I had felt bad about it for weeks. I realised his 'technique' is because he hasn't had a girlfriend and mutual friends have confirmed he is shy. Since then he will travel 40 miles away for events and he always approached me and none of the other girls. He is shy and would watch me from afar. He would check the group multiple times each day for that week he was coming to an event. If my name was not down he would not come. I told him last night I liked him and he said he fancies me and is still attracted to me still but he says he lost interest. I asked when he lost interest, he said he cannot remember. I didn't realise people stopped liking someone. He says we have nothing in common which I know is a lie. I said he doesn't know me well and why don't we hang out which he said he doesn't hang out with people he fancies. I didn't get this, if there is a spark wouldn't this be important. Then he threw it back in my face saying he showed me interest the first night and I called him a womaniser and that he isn't one and he wants a relationship. He said he is looking for someone he has everything in common with - I don't know if that exists. I just feel so heartbroken at the moment I put my heart on the line and got these mixed signals. The guy's still hurt by your rejection. Whether he's right in being hurt or not doesn't matter here - it's just a fact. What's also a fact is that he (and you for that matter) seems like he's fairly young and hence immature which will lead to him holding this initial rejection over your head and keeping the bruise that you dealt to his ego fresh in his mind for a long long time - even if the 2 of you manage to get together. In other words - some bad blood has been spilled and it looks like it'll be fairly hard to mop it up. So, to avoid this flaring up everytime you get into a tiny little argument, just move on and start out with someone fresh. This type of reaction is not unique to relationships, btw. It can happen at work if someone gets passed up for a promotion while someone else gets promoted. It can happend with family members if mom/dad/grandma/whoever seems to pay more attention to your sister/brother/someone else. AND it takes quite a bit of maturity to get over the "Oh yeah? Well, then **** YOU too!" reaction. You haven't even had 1 date with the dude, so save yourself some trouble and don't invest further. Find another cool guy who lives closer to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 If you told him he was a womanizer in a serious tone, taking into the consideration the fact that the guy is shy, you probably hit him where it hurts whether you meant it or not. If he is significantly shy, that could cause him to turn on you. Plus, it could've been embarrassing for him to attempt to romance you since he's inexperienced. That said, he should know even if inexperienced, not to come off on a woman on the first nightly outing if its on a more casual or semi-casual note. I find that too eager and somewhat rude. Stick with a hug. Can people just lose interest? Sure they can. It will vary from person to person. These things happen, keep your chin up and chug along. If he comes back around, then you've got another shot. If not, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Ew. Write him off already, like yesterday. Insecurity is unattractive. He may be shy, but you don't need to apologize nor walk on egg shells and it already sounds like that's exactly what you would be doing should anything develop with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Ew. Write him off already, like yesterday. Insecurity is unattractive. He may be shy, but you don't need to apologize nor walk on egg shells and it already sounds like that's exactly what you would be doing should anything develop with him. You're unattractive. Insecurities are normal. OP, he shot you down because you shot him down, which is understandable. He thinks you're playing games and he's right (you only like him because he doesn't like you now). Move on and leave the poor guy alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 You're unattractive. Insecurities are normal. :love: Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 i think if you were to date it needs to be clear that the bad feelings are not there, that he isnt holding a grudge.....for what you unfortunately said, everyone deserves a chance and i think he probably will agree on adate eventually, its obvious the guy likes you still, he wouldnt even bother telliing you what he did.....he does need to move on from that womanizer statement......you have apologised ? you should decide if you think a relationship[ is what you want from this guy...dont lead him on, get him to go out with you and dump him just to get him to say yes as a payback...paybacks are childish...I dont think you would anyway but your want to know him has to be really genuine.....he has told you that he is looking for a relationship if you arent interested in that ...let him find someone who is......dont waste your time or his.....on a mind f uck you both need to go into dating fresh if you were to date nothing held against each other and exploring what you have in common rather than things said that shouldnt have been/....good luck...deb Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Mistake 1 was apologizing Mistake 2 was groveling You sound desperate. Gather your dignity and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Unless you're Britney Spears you're not going to get away with calling a man a womanizer. I mean that's a pretty strong word ya know? What was your tone like when you called him that? Was it playful or was it like 'Eew gross I'm toyally weirding out like a high school chick'. If it was the latter, forget about any chance or recovering from that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yankees51988 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 OP, he shot you down because you shot him down, which is understandable. He thinks you're playing games and he's right (you only like him because he doesn't like you now). Move on and leave the poor guy alone. This, it is only fair. He gave you a chance and you didn't take it. You had an opportunity to be with him, but you passed. There is nothing wrong with that, so why is anything wrong with him passing on you now? Even if it is because you turned him down before, which it probably is, it just seems like you are upset because now you are the one attracted to him and the tables have turned. Why should he be obligated to give her another chance? I don't think he is being insecure, I think he is just being decisive and putting his foot down *shrugs*. Don't see how he is being immature, you should just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
azureorb Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 He had time to lose interest in you. Yes, people lose interest when they had some before. He's not saying he finds you physically unattractive. He's saying he's not interested in you anymore. He just didn't see you two meshing. He probably came up to you, you didn't seem all that into him, and you're probably too prudish & weird about guys (hence your first freak out). He lost interest in the end. Why should a guy have to jump through hoops to overcome a girl's emotional problems? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) I've noticed that men who come off as shy, might not be that shy after all. Some put on that shy mask strategically, because that reels a woman in sometimes. He wasn't too shy to grope you and make other sexual advances on a first night out together. He is not shy. IMO, he wants you to chase him, that is all. You gave him the perfect opportunity to chase after him, by pushing him away, then groveling and chasing after him. Some men like being chased and like the woman to grovel and beg. These are usually the shy types, I've noticed. Which makes me wonder if they're really shy, or pretending to be / think they are too good to act anything more than aloof. This guy may have tried a different approach at first (sexual advances, etc.) and when it didn't work, he started using the shy tactic and playing mind games with you (look up pick-up artistry on google). He might also not have been interested in more than sex with you, considering his sexual advances so early on. He'd either have to be a womanizer (as you stated), or otherwise incredibly stupid (inexperience doesn't excuse that sort of creepy behavior). What really beats me, however, is why you even want him at this point. This guy is a creep and is manipulative. He is playing mind games and you are playing right along with him. Maybe you are into mind games too. IMO, you dodged a bullet with this guy, and you should stop chasing after him and find someone decent who will not bust your sexual (or other) boundaries (and not apologize for doing so -- did he even apologize for that?). Edited October 25, 2013 by NoMoreJerks Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I agree he was a bit pushy on the first date and it made you uncomfortable, but what you said to him/called him, is the equivalent of a man telling a woman she is a slut on the first date I would be highly offended and think he was a nutto. Link to post Share on other sites
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