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She's not jealous, but she asks some strange questions


Phantom888

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My woman and I have been together almost 5 months. The relationship is beyond wonderful. We had a great weekend with the kids, and had a wonderful date night last night.

 

This morning, we made love for about an hour. After we made love, she asked, "how was sex between you and AW (my last serious relationship)?"

 

Here's some background. My woman is not a jealous type. In fact, she is very open about our sex discussions and about our past. At our 2 months point, I told her I lived with a woman (AW) for a year, and it was a serious relationship. I could see it bothered her for a bit, but she got over it. Yesterday when we dropped of my kids, she saw my ex-wife's house for the first time. It's a very nice house....the same house I gave up during my divorce. I could tell my woman was bothered that my ex-wife doesn't work, receives a ton of money in alimony, and gets to live in this big house, while she and I work long hours in a stressful environment to support our kids. We both make good money, but we also sacrificed a lot to get to where we are career-wise.

 

So I'm wondering what is running through her mind. Why would she want to know how sex was between me and an ex-GF? I told her the truth, without much details... it was hot in the beginning as in most new relationships, but when resentment set in, the relationship fell apart along with the sex. That's what happened.

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It used to bother me that my ex's ex-wife also refused to work and got to live in a huge house with huge alimony (non-court ordered, but still). Mostly because I just don't get how people can spend a lifetime having no career and being ok with that, whilst I was indirectly supporting her lifestyle since there was less money coming into OUR household. So maybe she's looking to the future and wondering if she wants to do that? I know that I wouldn't again.

 

The sex thing, I don't know. Seems a bit weird. I've never wanted to know.

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Phantom, I have been guilty of doing the same thing.

 

My fiance's ExW has the big house and while I am not jealous, I am still curious about all aspects of his old life - including the sex.

 

It just morbid curiosity as well as trying to make sure that I can fulfill every part of his heart and mind and bed in ways that she can't.

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I think women who are dating divorced men, would wonder the same. I asked about the house too, but was not interested in the sex part. I think that one, I wouldn't want to know. That was past, as I have mine too. I did ask if he's happy with ours. And he surprisingly is so happy. What's important is what we have now, and how to build it and make it stronger.

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The strange this is that my ex-wife, who lives in this house that she saw, has NOTHING to do with my ex-GF, whom I lived with for a year. I get how my woman can feel uncomfortable about my ex-wife's house, but the sex with my ex-GF has nothing to do with anything. That's what boggles me.

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She's got a bit of retroactive jealousy.

 

Tell her you've no idea about your sexual past, because she's just blown your mind and all you can think about is her.

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You've asked her about her past, and she's curious about yours too. That's just part of your relationship, it seems.

 

Maybe when she saw your ex-w's house, it just got her thinking about exes in general.

 

Whenever she asks you a strange question, just think about how you'd want her to answer if you asked it of her. I think what you did - being honest but not giving details, is the best approach.

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The strange this is that my ex-wife, who lives in this house that she saw, has NOTHING to do with my ex-GF, whom I lived with for a year. I get how my woman can feel uncomfortable about my ex-wife's house, but the sex with my ex-GF has nothing to do with anything. That's what boggles me.

 

Women want to know how they stack up to their partner's past. Maybe not just their sexual exploits, but about those people that were important enough in your lives to set-up house with.

 

Your girlfriend may not be uncomfortable at all. She may just be gathering information for herself. We can't explain what we want to know or why we want to know - it just is...

 

Personally, if you two are doing well, I wouldn't over-think it. It boggles your mind, but she may not be able to put into words her rationale for asking the questions.

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She's asked about your past sexual experiences before, hasn't she?

 

I think it is really strange to ask any questions about your significant other's past sex life, much less to want to know detailed information about what you did with a specific person and how it was. I can't imagine why she would want to know that, other than that she was hoping you would tell her sex with her was the best you've ever had, or say something that would prop her up and lower your ex down. I think maybe your girlfriend does have some insecurity/jealousy issues when it comes to your exes, especially if she got upset that you lived with another women before you even met her.

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I think it is really strange to ask any questions about your significant other's past sex life, much less to want to know detailed information about what you did with a specific person and how it was.

Really? It is something my fiance and I have discussed at length about all of our Ex's... :confused::confused::confused:

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She's asked about your past sexual experiences before, hasn't she?

 

I think it is really strange to ask any questions about your significant other's past sex life, much less to want to know detailed information about what you did with a specific person and how it was. I can't imagine why she would want to know that, other than that she was hoping you would tell her sex with her was the best you've ever had, or say something that would prop her up and lower your ex down. I think maybe your girlfriend does have some insecurity/jealousy issues when it comes to your exes, especially if she got upset that you lived with another women before you even met her.

 

THIS. Most guys that I've been into have been open about being with other girls but I don't want to know about their past sexual experiences. She may be curious, but she may have an ulterior motive. I don't think it's healthy to constantly discuss one's sexual past with a partner. You never know what information may hurt her and come to haunt you in the end. It's one thing to ensure someone's clean; it's entirely something different if he inquisitiveness masks her insecurity. She shouldn't try to force a comparison between herself and your previous lovers; as clia stated, it is a cheap ego boost. I would suggest that you stop indulging her, and find something else to satiate your own curiosity about her past. You guys have your own future.

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Really? It is something my fiance and I have discussed at length about all of our Ex's... :confused::confused::confused:

 

Yeah, I've never discussed my past sexual experiences with anyone I've dated. (Other than maybe when I was way younger, like in high school or early college, but I truly can't remember back that far.) At least in the past 15 years I know I've never discussed it with anyone I've dated. I honestly have no interest whatsoever in what my boyfriend did sexually with his previous girlfriends, or even how many women he's slept with. I can't recall any guy I've dated ever asking those questions either.

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We had our numbers discussion in the beginning of August. We were honest with each other, and moved forward. I'm the one with more of a "retro jealousy" issue because I just don't like thinking about her with another man. She and I have the most beautiful intimate love-making that I can ever imagine. We both know that. We had sex 8 times this past weekend. We are very compatible, and are really happy.

 

I think fundamentally she wanted to know what the dynamics were in my last serious relationship. I agree with pteromom that maybe my ex's house got her thinking about exes in general. One thing she knows for sure is that both my ex-wife and ex-GF are complete opposites of her, physically and intellectually. I am so in love with my woman I tell her every day how much I love her...several times a day. I just hope that she's not worrying about stuff that is unreal. :(

Edited by Phantom888
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I am so in love with my woman I tell her every day how much I love her...several times a day. I just hope that she's not worrying about stuff that is unreal. :(

 

Yep, tell her and show her, and that will calm any fears or worries on her part. :)

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