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Can I trust my GF? Is this normal behaviour?


alexjames

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She is 18 and I am 21. We have been together for just around 3 weeks. We became ''facebook official'' a few days ago. She told me when we got together that she doesn't like to see her boyfriend too much. She said a couple of times a week at most. We both work awkward times, so it's actually sometimes really hard to find time to see her. Aswell as this, her mum is really protective and doesn't let her out much, so when I do see her it's only for a couple of hours here and there, she isn;t even allowed to come round mine because her mum doesn't like it! I am going to a friends' 21st party Tonight and she is coming with me. I told herwe are going up town after it's finished, but she said she doesn't want to ever go clubbing with me as she would rather just do that with friends. Is this normal? She is still a virgin and would never cheat on me or kiss another guy etc, BUT she has told me that if she goes out with her mates and have a lot to drink that she wouldn't be able to control her actions and may end up kissing a guy without wanting too! She told me she turned a guy down for sex when she was on a family holiday last week. I really like her, she is amazingly pretty (too hot maybe as she gets ALL the guys attention) but it just worries me why she wouldn't want to go out for a night etc with me. She said it's important to have our own liveswhich is true, but surely we should spend some time together? She is so naive aswell and when a guy makes a move on her, she can't always see what is happening and just think the guy is being sweet and kind and will therefore give away the wrong signals and will never tell him where to go, but instead she will talk to him, cuddle him (thinking its ''sweet'' etc). Please don't suggest ending it with her as thats the last thing I want, just some advice if possible please?!

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devilish innocent

The time apart doesn't really concern me. It's good to take things slow when you're in a new relationship. Too many people give up their friends and hobbies to devote all of their free time to a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Then when the relationship doesn't work out, they're left with a big void in their lives. There are a lot of advantages to limiting the time you spend together until you're in a more established relationship.

 

I would be a lot more concerned with her partying behavior. Here is a direct quote from you: "She is still a virgin and would never cheat on me or kiss another guy etc, BUT she has told me that if she goes out with her mates and have a lot to drink that she wouldn't be able to control her actions and may end up kissing a guy without wanting too!" So in the very same sentence, you've just gone from claiming she's not somebody who would kiss another guy to saying she's already admitted to you that she would. Being drunk should not be an excuse. It would still count as cheating. Somebody who is in an exclusive relationship has a moral obligation to ensure that sort of a thing doesn't happen. Either they need to curtail their drinking, or they need to make sure their friends don't let them go off alone with another person, etc. It's immature of her to act as though it could just happen, and you need to just accept it.

 

It leaves me wondering if she's purposefully planning to meet guys when she's out clubbing and is telling you this so she has a ready-made excuse in case she ever gets caught. At the very least, I suspect she's been in the position where she's let things get too far when she was drinking before which is why she sees it happening again. I'm kind of doubtful that she would be as naive about being hit on as you think when she has so much experience with it.

 

If you don't want to leave her, then you should hope she really isn't intending to cheat. You should still talk to her about figuring out strategies that would ensure she doesn't end up in a compromising position. Stick by her friends. Don't drink too much. Don't let other guys get too close. Things of that nature. Let her know that if you found out she was kissing somebody else behind your back, it would probably be the end of things. If you accept any less, then you're being a sucker.

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So your GF told you she like to go out clubbing, she doesn't want you to come and she may end up kissing other boys.

 

That's actually really selfish and disrespectful if you think about it.

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deathandtaxes

My advice? Don't be exclusive with this chick. She's not ready for anything serious whatsoever. Date her. Date other women. You'll feel better.

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My advice? Don't be exclusive with this chick. She's not ready for anything serious whatsoever. Date her. Date other women. You'll feel better.

 

This.

 

With everything you said, she doesn't sound like serious relationship material -- and if that's what you're looking for you might be wasting your time. But if you're not looking for anything serious, just have fun.

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