GF.... is she disrespecting me?

[DaUB]

Ok, I need some advice, here is the situation.

 

Background Info:======================================

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 1 year now. When I met her she was into hardcore drugs, which I did not know about until about 1 month after we met. She lied to me about the drugs for the first month, she claimed she used to do them but quit, but in reality she still did them. She did meth and coke for about 2 years before I met her. When I found out I told her she had to choose right there and then, me or the drugs. She chose me. The next few months were rough, I kept a very close eye on her to make sure she stayed out of trouble. I double checked everything she did, I caught her prolly about 3-4 times within the next 2 months trying to lie to me about where she is going, and I always put some road block in it (e.x "Can I come with?? I should be able to come with you shouldnt I.., stuff like that). And each and every time she would say oh, well I dont feel like going anymore when I stick around. She never admitted it, but I knew she was trying to go out an do the drugs.

 

I went to college about 2 months after I met her, I told her If she was serious about quitting she needed to leave her home town where people would stop by her house and try to get her back into it. She agreed it needed to be done. I purchased an apartment near my college (about 1 and 1/2 hours away). She lived with me there for about 8 months. During the time she was there we went through the basic withdrawl symptons, and I was there with her the whole way. I purchased a few hom drug kits that I had her take when I was in doubt also...

 

She burned all her old phone numbers and has been clean for about 10 months now. She still smokes pot and cigarettes but she does no more hardcore drugs at all, and she does not try and lie about them anymore, shes back in school and getting her HS diploma. (only 1 year late really). She dropped out of HS before I met her and was not going to school when I began dating her...

 

Now she lives back at home w/ her parents and I live at home w/ my parents... (we are about 15 minute drive apart, so not long distance). We hang out almost everyday together, especially since she does not have many friends that dont do drugs. =================================================

 

So.. on to the point...

 

She has a friend named "Jen". Jen is a huge pothead but does no other drugs. Jen is a very hard person for people to get along with, including me and has very little friends. My GF is i'd say her 1 out of 3 real friends she has. Now Jen does not like me and I dont like her and here is where the main conflict comes....

 

Today I asked my GF to call me when she got off work and let me know if she wanted to hang out or if she has other plans, just to make sure she called me and let me know what was going on... She didn't call. This has happened before a few times and I got mad each time because she just left me hanging.

 

Well I almost never yell, and I'm a really calm person. But today I got mad, she called me probably about 4 hours after she got off work and told me she didnt have a "chance" to call me, even though she has a phone at her work and a phone at home, she told me she didnt stop by at home, but she did cause I talked to her dad on the phone and he said she just walked out the door.

 

She has lied before in the past about hanging out with guys, but I always caught her bluff and I have wondered about some things she told me before....

 

Well today, when she called I asked why she didnt call, she said she didnt have time because there were people waiting for her and she did not have enough time at work or at her houes to give me a call and let me know she was going to hang out with "Jen". She was hanging out with "Jen" and 5 other guys "Jen" was with. Now since "Jen" and I dont get along we dont hang out together, so my GF is either w/ me or w/ "Jen".

 

"Jen" is always trying to break us up, like I said because she does not like me, she talks alot of **** about me behind my back, but I really dont care about that.. What I care about is the way she talks with my GF about stuff like were in a hurry, you dont have time to call him and how she always brings guys w/ her to hang out w/ my GF trying to hook her up with someone else.

 

So back to the phone call with my GF, I yelled at her today, saying she didnt respect me the way I respect her, I do anything she asks me and if she asks me to call her, I do everytime, and this is the 5th or 6th time she does not call me when she says she willl and just leaves me hanging. I told her that shows that she just spits in my face and picks people she doesnt even know (5 guys) and Jen over 3 minutes to call me. I explained that really makes me feel like I am not respected and that she is just pushing me around (taking my kindness for weakness).

 

So now, I am going to talk to her in person tomorrow, and I dont know what to say... I wish "Jen" would just stop hanging out w/ her but, obviously I cannot do anything about it. "Jen" says i'm too controlling but that is because I just want to make sure the girl I love is not getting into trouble, especially now that she is back at home now and sees a lot of her "old friends" come into her work now.

 

Any advice on what I should tell her, or do about "Jen" and the whole situation would greatly help me out. I need advice on this, I will try to answer any questions you guys post and will check this message frequently.

 

Thanks for your help, I dont think I left anything out, but my mind is racing right now....

-DaUB

[guest]

I can feel your frustration. I can see that you love her but, it seems like the bad is outweighing the good at this point. Even while she's been 'good' for many months, you are still living on the edge of your seat making sure she stays away from drugs and doesn't see other men. Then there's the Jen factor, throwing more obstacles in the way as if you didn't have enough already. That's alot of work for 1 person. Are you sure you want to do it? You don't have children with this woman. You're not even married.

The kind of work you are doing to keep this relationship afloat is the kind of work people do when they are married, with children. Even then, relationships end with less problems then yours.

 

On the other hand, we are only hearing your side of the story. If your gf has in fact been keeping clean and isn't dating other men, then it would seem you're a little bit possessive.

So, my suggestion would be to make yourself a list of what you need from her (paper list, mental list, doesn't matter)

Make sure the list doesn't resemble a list of things a father would expect from his daughter. let her know what's on the list. Then, let her know if she cannot do the things on the list, you are done. That's it, that simple.

But...She gets to make a list too.

 

Wish you luck!