She 'lets just be friends'd me then invites me to a party?

[Guitarisgood]

Background: Ever since I told her no thanks to 'lets just be friends', I've turned my life around. Even if our little whirlwind romance lasted only 1 week, I almost feel I should thank her for flicking the switch to get me going again. I've joined the gym, wardrobe change, started socialising again and got back into everything hard and going strong.

 

I still see her around class although she acts awkward and pulls out her phone. I'm of course surrounded by my friends - the majority being female If I bump into her, it is a quick hey, and a smile and continue on our paths. Still continuing no contact with her and life for me is swell.

 

To throw a spanner in the works though, SHE has invited me to a 'get together' of the people in our class. Now I just do not understand why she'd want to do this? I've made it clear that I am not going to be another male orbiter nor be kept in touch. Any woman can shed some light into this for me?

 

I am not sure to go or not as it would be a great networking opportunity to meet the others in our year. At the same time, she will be there and I do not know if I'd handle it should she start hitting on other guys or even on me (most likely I'd just leave and consider this a waste of my night). At the same time I know a few girls I am close to that are going whom things may get steamy between which may further add to the mess considering I'm a natural talker and a flirt.

[Philosoraptor]

If you're not certain in your ability to handle the situation then don't go. There are plenty of other opportunities to meet people, no need to overthink this one.

 

Seems like you're worried about making each other jealous more than anything. Not worth it, find something else to do. Go get steamy with one of those girls somewhere else where you won't be worried about what this other girl thinks.

[cif]

She really pushes your buttons doesn't she? If you know other people that will be there I'd go.

[TB Rhine]

Is everyone (or most everyone) from your class going? If so the invite may have simply been a courtesy.

 

If not, it's possible that she's noticed you're not paying much attention to her and is looking to get chased about again. OR you've been reliably non-psycho enough since she gave you the brush-off that she's fairly confident you're not going to start following her around like a puppy if she invites you somewhere. OR maybe... just maybe... your newfound aloofness, classier wardrobe, and renewed dedication to physical fitness have caught her eye and caused her to reconsider her feelings toward you, in which case you may be able to get a quickie or two out of the bargain. ;-)

 

I definitely wouldn't be looking to start any kind of a relationship with this girl, even if the door *is* open. She rejected you before - when you were arguably being more "yourself," following your natural inclinations, rather than kicking it into high gear in response to her rejection - so what's to say she won't do it again the second you decide to stay home from the gym a few days in a row? Even if this girl "likes" you now - she doesn't really like you, she likes the image you're projecting at this particular moment. Are you sure you want to have to keep that up for the duration of your relationship with her? 'Cause a few months of hitting the gym and shopping at Today's Man instead of JC Penney does not a permanent transformation make.

[clia]

To throw a spanner in the works though, SHE has invited me to a 'get together' of the people in our class. Now I just do not understand why she'd want to do this? I've made it clear that I am not going to be another male orbiter nor be kept in touch. Any woman can shed some light into this for me?

 

Did she invite everyone in your class?

 

Because if so, it just sounds like she is being courteous. It would be a little awkward if she invited everyone except you to a class event, wouldn't it?

 

I think you are reading too much into it.

[Misfortune]

I'm pretty sure that friends invite friends to parties without intimate intentions. If she acts awkward when you're with your friends, it could be because she feels that you're talking about her.

 

When you like someone, it's easy to over think any little gesture as a sign of mutual attraction even if it's platonic from their end(ex: "omg, she gave me her last stick of gum, she must like me". It's best not to over think these things otherwise you'll fall hard when you catch her giving someone else her last stick of gum.

[TB Rhine]

The OP's issue, I think, is that most offers of "friendship" from a girl who's rejected you are not genuine, and are not likely to be followed up by a lot of invitations to genuine friend-type activities. Therefore he finds the girl's actions confusing. In reality, the invite could be a courtesy, she could *actually* want to be friends with him and is extending an olive branch (right), or it could be a sign of interest. In any event there's not much potential here, and if he's still infatuated with her at all he should let the situation be.

[Guitarisgood]

Thanks guys, maybe I'm just kidding myself. Thing is, she acts awkward when I catch her staring at me. Furthermore this gathering is no more than 20 even though our cohort/ class numbers in the hundreds and more that they know i.e. the party organisers have told the people inviting to invite those more personal to them.

Edited September 27, 2013 by Guitarisgood

[sickpuppy]

Background: Ever since I told her no thanks to 'lets just be friends', I've turned my life around. Even if our little whirlwind romance lasted only 1 week, I almost feel I should thank her for flicking the switch to get me going again. I've joined the gym, wardrobe change, started socialising again and got back into everything hard and going strong.

 

I still see her around class although she acts awkward and pulls out her phone. I'm of course surrounded by my friends - the majority being female If I bump into her, it is a quick hey, and a smile and continue on our paths. Still continuing no contact with her and life for me is swell.

 

To throw a spanner in the works though, SHE has invited me to a 'get together' of the people in our class. Now I just do not understand why she'd want to do this? I've made it clear that I am not going to be another male orbiter nor be kept in touch. Any woman can shed some light into this for me?

 

I am not sure to go or not as it would be a great networking opportunity to meet the others in our year. At the same time, she will be there and I do not know if I'd handle it should she start hitting on other guys or even on me (most likely I'd just leave and consider this a waste of my night). At the same time I know a few girls I am close to that are going whom things may get steamy between which may further add to the mess considering I'm a natural talker and a flirt.

 

 

She doesn't want you BUT she's looking to not only keep tabs on you and "ONE UP" you as well under the guise of a "friendly" invite. Like the mafia inviting "friends" to a "party" where they want to finish business with you.

 

She though doesn't want you still wants to play a game as she possibly hasn't found the "one" for her. So she'll either test to see if you still like her more than friends for her satisfaction EVEN IF she comes onto you, ESPECIALLY if she sees you with other girls, and or she'll flirt in front of you with other guys.

 

She's simply trying to test and toy with you for her own amusement. Sorry but a person who doesn't like you but cares for you as a friend knowing you liked them doesn't invite you to parties they are at as a friend.

 

She isn't comfortable on her own and sees you improving so she has a motive to knock you down and give herself and easy ego boost in the meantime till she finds someone "better" and "forgets" her own offer of "friendship" with you.

 

Don't fall for the nonsense. I'm telling you. I know the game. I've seen it firsthand how these chicks will do a complete 180 even IF you've never done anything wrong to them and even IF you truly meant well and liked them. They'll do it regardless.

 

With these types it's all about them and >>>>you.

Edited September 28, 2013 by sickpuppy

[Guitarisgood]

Thanks guys, yeah I have decided I am not going unless an exceptional circumstance involving other female friends convince me otherwise. Have another party/ events to go to that night so it is no loss.

 

At the same time, I have a question - under what circumstances would you ever consider getting back together with someone similar to this situation? I'll admit I played it needy when we started out and too much of a nice guy. I don't make second mistakes. I guess my problem is that we did 'connect' really well - she could take my teasing and tease me back just as much while still having the intellectual conversations. I am a personality type of guy so it's been a hard slog to find someone I click with over your typical girls.

[sickpuppy]

Thanks guys, yeah I have decided I am not going unless an exceptional circumstance involving other female friends convince me otherwise. Have another party/ events to go to that night so it is no loss.

 

At the same time, I have a question - under what circumstances would you ever consider getting back together with someone similar to this situation? I'll admit I played it needy when we started out and too much of a nice guy. I don't make second mistakes. I guess my problem is that we did 'connect' really well - she could take my teasing and tease me back just as much while still having the intellectual conversations. I am a personality type of guy so it's been a hard slog to find someone I click with over your typical girls.

 

 

When they see you aren't effected, are improving and moving on...It pisses them off even IF they never really wanted you to begin with. They want whom they want handed to them on a silver platter. "Why is the guy I don't want doing better off than me WITHOUT me? Can't have that! I NEED to get the parting shot in! Especially since I haven't found / I'm not all nice and comfy with my 'real man'. "

 

I wouldn't under any situation like that.

 

There is no losing in life unless you never learn and grow from the experience. Reflect back on what you may've done wrong and work on it to meet someone better for you.

 

What you do is next time you get he "LJBF" speech you AGREE and AMPLIFY it back on them.

 

"I completely agree. I didn't think it was going to work out anyway. Nothing in particular. I just wasn't feeling it."

 

Watch as chicks heads spin and they start coming after you.

 

At that point you game them (not ever expecting a relationship) and have some fun, or let them take off. At that point you shouldn't care.

 

See it's not "I'm not good enough". It's maybe SHE isn't good enough for you.

Edited September 28, 2013 by sickpuppy

[TB Rhine]

Just tell them you can't really afford a female friend right now... you've only got one job, and it's costly enough buying *yourself* lunch every day.