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Newer Relationship(dealing with crazy ex)


OperationUnknown

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OperationUnknown

Hey all,

So I've had a new relationship going on for a few months now and things have had highs and lows. My girl got out of a relationship with an abusive ex who is a marine that lives states away, and pretty much jumped into it with me. Which I wasnt aware of all the details she was gorgeous and I went into a relationship with her(she is from out of state and was new here). Had ex drama at first i was told no more drama by her. Well it ended up happening a few times to where I said if youre looking for reasons to talk to him go ahead bc Im through and I left her alone and she started talking to him(mind you he is states away). Well she admitted talking to him again and realized when she woke up that she didnt want messages from him and had hoped that they were from me. Well from then on out until this weekend its been smooth sailing. Well we got into it on Sat and she goes and calls/texts her ex and tells him about it. He of course will be bias and is dating a new girl but told her he would stop talking to his girl to try and fix things with her. She deletes these said messages bc she didnt want me to read that she told her ex about our fight however she told me she had told him so there must be more than that to it? So now like the other times he was blowing her phone up and she said she wasnt replying(on sunday) however i saw otherwise. nothing like she wanted him back but she did reply which feeds this guy. She says she is over him and wants nothing to do with him(which is kinda impossible seeing as we started dating right after they broke up so she hasnt had time to) but when she talked to a mutual friend she told our friend she wasnt in fact over him. So she tells me one thing and our friend another. I dont blame her not being over him completely bc even though he was verbally/physically abusive they did date for a year and had good memories im sure but i dont need to be BS'd about it. Anytime there is a disagreement its her way or the highway and even if i know im not wrong she wont budge so i give in. We have plenty of good times and I feel as if this whole thing could be simply fixed by removing the ex. I know most if not all of you will say leave her alone and get out and that may be the right thing to do, I'm just looking for some in depth advice about how to call her out on the whole ex thing. Now im just wondering all the time well is she talking to him behind my back and just deleting the new messages so i think nothing is going on or if she is actually going to stop. I dont go through her phone (she goes through mine even when i havent done her wrong or given her a reason to). If i have the opportunity to see if she is still communicating with him should i do it or just go along with her saying she wants nothing to do with him. I'm currently going along with a girls advice to be nothing but sweet the next few days and if she is still acting different or picking fights to say we need a break and test the waters to see if she starts talking to him again. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks

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This can't be fixed by just simply removing the ex. Your GF is partially responsible because she initiates contact with him when things are bad with you. Your GF is just as much, if not more, responsible for the drama that is being created.

 

You need to stand your ground. If a trusting, drama free, adult relationship is what you want... this is what you need to go after. There is no trust here because you already caught her talking to him when she said she wasn't. I'm not a jealous person and I understand that social circles do clash. When my fiance and I started dating, he would once in a blue moon see his ex around. He was very honest and up front with me if he thought she would be at an event and ask me if I felt comfortable with it. I trust him and know with 1000% certainty that she's no longer in his life and I don't need to snoop to find that out. How your gf is going about it doesn't sound very trustworthy. The second there is a little issue, she can't go running back to her ex. Also the fact that he doesn't want to be friends and wants to try again should be an indicator for your gf (whom if she's telling the truth of not wanting him back) to create some serious space between them and stop communication.

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I'm currently going along with a girls advice to be nothing but sweet the next few days and if she is still acting different or picking fights to say we need a break and test the waters to see if she starts talking to him again. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks

 

Worst mistake you could ever do... dont ever listen to girls advice on dating

 

Kick her ass to the curb... find someone that doesnt have ex drama

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OperationUnknown
This can't be fixed by just simply removing the ex. Your GF is partially responsible because she initiates contact with him when things are bad with you. Your GF is just as much, if not more, responsible for the drama that is being created.

 

You need to stand your ground. If a trusting, drama free, adult relationship is what you want... this is what you need to go after. There is no trust here because you already caught her talking to him when she said she wasn't. I'm not a jealous person and I understand that social circles do clash. When my fiance and I started dating, he would once in a blue moon see his ex around. He was very honest and up front with me if he thought she would be at an event and ask me if I felt comfortable with it. I trust him and know with 1000% certainty that she's no longer in his life and I don't need to snoop to find that out. How your gf is going about it doesn't sound very trustworthy. The second there is a little issue, she can't go running back to her ex. Also the fact that he doesn't want to be friends and wants to try again should be an indicator for your gf (whom if she's telling the truth of not wanting him back) to create some serious space between them and stop communication.

 

I agree. Everytime she has stated that she wants nothing to do with him yet she feeds it by replying. So from here on I will stand my ground. I just don't know how to bring this up without a fight since we are currently good. She is being shady about it but anytime I point it out I get a oh I'm sorry and expects me to accept that and be fine. So I guess until I find out 100% if communications are continuing I'm to do nothing and try for us to be happy?

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So I guess until I find out 100% if communications are continuing I'm to do nothing and try for us to be happy?

 

You sound like you don't have a choice. You do. You don't trust her and she's being shady... that should be enough for you to drop her like a hot potato and let her come back and at least try and prove to you that she's not wanting to play games anymore. I wouldn't put up with being someone's half thought and I wouldn't stick around with someone who plays games.

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Why don't you just dump her?

 

She is so clearly not ready for another relationship. In the future, NEVER date someone who is fresh out of a relationship!! Ever! No matter how "gorgeous" she is, ffs. She'd probably have cheated on you by now if her ex wasn't states away. Talking about issues in your R with him is BEYOND disrespectful. Sounds like you walk on egg shells around her, you're afraid to bring this up because things are good right now? You should be comfortable talking to her about issues ANY time. btw how long have you even dated?

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OperationUnknown

I'm just torn between taking a break or see if she is really not talking to him by continuing seeing each other. She did apologize for telling the ex our problems and hasn't talked with him since and the last messages that I had seen were on Sunday. However we all know its not hard to delete messages individually without deleting the whole conversation. She has been making an effort to be a good gf today I just have a gut feeling that more was said in the texts she deleted prior to me seeing them. I guess I'm trying to get solid proof that she indeed is still communicating with the ex before I drop the whole we need a break speech and look like an idiot if she actually has stopped and is trying to make this work. She told him to stop texting her after she told him about the fight bc she had a bf but that could have been since I was with her. He would just constantly blow her phone up and she said she had stopped replying but that was false. The two responses I saw after was you have a gf and the other was whats so funny. So I'm just confused for the first time because I actually took the time and effort to be a good bf to her.

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Ask her to block his # if she really wants to get rid of him.

 

I bet she won't. There's your answer.

 

Drama, drama. There is no trust here, there is no real foundation of a relationship. This will blow up in your face, whether it's now or months from now.

 

PS, the words "relationship of a few months" and "ups and downs" don't belong in the same sentence. You're off to a terrible start, it will get worse. Why don't people LEAVE when the beginning shows drama? Oy...

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OperationUnknown

I see where you are coming from. I'm not saying I won't do just that. The last time see threatened him to block his number and he finally got the hint. It does cost money per month to block someone so I've been told. She messed up by talking to him about an argument between her and me so that got him to start blowing her up again. I do appreciate the straight forward input though.

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How much does it cost? Surely not more than like, a coffee.

Why would you even tell the person that you are blocking them? You just do it. No reason to tell them other than to get a reaction out of them.

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it costs 15 bucks to change your number... if you plead a good case its free

 

shes just making excuses and you are being a total moron for listening to her BS.

 

Nobody in their "right" mind would date a girl or continue to date a girl in this situation... even girls say dump her and you continue to rationalize why its ok etc...

 

/facepalm

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