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Dating a much younger girl :/


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Old 25th August 2013, 6:14 PM   #1
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Dating a much younger girl :/

Okay so a bit about me:
I'm a widower, I met my gf when I was 8, started dating her at 14, we had our son when I was 20 and got married the following year. She died when I was 24, it broke my heart

So flash forward, Im 30, my boy, Harry is 10. We're good me and him, he's my world. I haven't really dated at all (bar a couple of one off first dates) but I guess I do miss being in a relationship, its just ive never met anyone I click with like I did my late wife.

So then I met Katie...and I dunno, I just click with her, shes funny and she gets me and...she makes me happy, I guess the last 6 years I've been feeling a bit like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and she just, makes me feel 21 again.
We've been seeing each other for about a month, very casually at first, more seriously now, which is basically whats freaked me out...

See theres a whole host of reasons we shouldn't be together: she's only just 22, that's a big big age difference! I've got a son. She's from up north, like the other end of the country and is very close to her family, she was meant to be going back up there at the start of october for good.
How can there be a future in a girl staying miles from home with a guy almost 9 years older than her, who's widowed with a son - its just all to complicated, right?? I dunno, I dunno if im just making excuses cause...cause I actually really like her and, and I guess falling for someone does scare me to some extent.

urgh dunno, advice?
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Old 25th August 2013, 6:31 PM   #2
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You're 30, and she's 22?

That's a big age difference given your respective stages in life (if you were 40 and she 32, less so), but that was exactly the ages of two of my friends when they met and started dating (and he had two children), who've been married for 20 years and are blissfully happy and the strongest couple I know.
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Old 25th August 2013, 6:32 PM   #3
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Just put your seatbelt on...you'll be fine.
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Old 25th August 2013, 6:34 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Run_Ronnie_Run View Post
Okay so a bit about me:
I'm a widower, I met my gf when I was 8, started dating her at 14, we had our son when I was 20 and got married the following year. She died when I was 24, it broke my heart

So flash forward, Im 30, my boy, Harry is 10. We're good me and him, he's my world. I haven't really dated at all (bar a couple of one off first dates) but I guess I do miss being in a relationship, its just ive never met anyone I click with like I did my late wife.

So then I met Katie...and I dunno, I just click with her, shes funny and she gets me and...she makes me happy, I guess the last 6 years I've been feeling a bit like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and she just, makes me feel 21 again.
We've been seeing each other for about a month, very casually at first, more seriously now, which is basically whats freaked me out...

See theres a whole host of reasons we shouldn't be together: she's only just 22, that's a big big age difference! I've got a son. She's from up north, like the other end of the country and is very close to her family, she was meant to be going back up there at the start of october for good.
How can there be a future in a girl staying miles from home with a guy almost 9 years older than her, who's widowed with a son - its just all to complicated, right?? I dunno, I dunno if im just making excuses cause...cause I actually really like her and, and I guess falling for someone does scare me to some extent.

urgh dunno, advice?
I'm 11 years older than my gf. Granted she is mature and responsible, more so than I was at her age. I would worry more about that than how many birthdays she's had. That's up to you to figure out. My situation is different, I'm never married and no kids. That opens up a whole other can of worms I suppose, maybe someone else on here can weigh in on that topic.
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Old 25th August 2013, 8:48 PM   #5
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First, I'm so sorry about your wife; I sympathise with you very much. You're a strong man for recovering. You are ready to try again with the right woman.

Obviously nobody can know the situation like you do, and there's nothing says a 22 yo can't be with a 30yo. However, you already know in a statistical sense, it would be unusual for her to be mature enough at all, let alone in your particular life. Possible but very unusual. And you may also know that people's brains are still developing throughout their early twenties and some major personality changes can occur. You could be building a house on sand. A month is nothing.
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Old 25th August 2013, 9:19 PM   #6
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I don't see a problem with it. It's not like she's 16 or something.

I know women in their 30s who are about as mature as a high school student.

Just give it a good bit of time before trying to make anything too serious with her.
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Old 25th August 2013, 9:51 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Disenchantedly Yours View Post
I'm sorry but the only time men ever say stuff like this is when the woman is younger.

OP, 22 is still pretty young. She's going to do a lot of changing in the next couple years. While you've probably come into who you are. You're son is 10? She is only 12 years older than him and you said almost 9 years younger than you. That's a little weird!

I agree with the other poster that said if she was in her 30s and you your 40s, it's a little different.

How did you meet this girl by the way?

By the way, I'm very sorry about the passing of your wife.
I agree with this.

Not just so much the age thing alone, but a young girl may be turned off by kids and the fact that youre a widower. Not that anyone whos turned off by that is cruel...its just a lot to deal with at a young age when many people date for fun.

Youre both at very different stages of life, especially considering youre a father of a 10 yr old. You can go for it, but dont set your hopes too high.

Good luck.
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Old 25th August 2013, 10:20 PM   #8
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why not just have fun... why are you planning the future 1 month into casually seeing someone

just have fun and stop self sabotaging
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:05 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by T3h L337 d00d View Post
30 is a man in his prime. You no doubt look just as good or better than a 25 year old man if you've kept in shape. You have kid but you're widower so that actually adds romantic flare to you as opposed to a guy who has some bitchy ex wife.

Don't make an issue out of nothing 22 is no baby and you feel about her like you've felt about no one. Make her stay and don't make a problem out of this. Be all so what about the age difference. In fact admit that you enjoy the age difference!
I hope you dont mean 30 is a guys physical prime. One only need to look at the average 20-something vs 30-something to see where our primes are.

And lmao @ this idea that being a widower adds romantic flare. Thats a first.
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:09 AM   #10
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And lmao @ this idea that being a widower adds romantic flare. Thats a first.
I actually agree with that concept. He found love, and he's not bitter about how it ended (by death)... only wistful.

Problem is, from the next woman's perspective, he might be romanticizing that relationship... as though no other woman could ever compare to his deceased wife.
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:27 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by white View Post
First, I'm so sorry about your wife; I sympathise with you very much. You're a strong man for recovering. You are ready to try again with the right woman.
Thank you

Quote:
Obviously nobody can know the situation like you do, and there's nothing says a 22 yo can't be with a 30yo. However, you already know in a statistical sense, it would be unusual for her to be mature enough at all, let alone in your particular life. Possible but very unusual. And you may also know that people's brains are still developing throughout their early twenties and some major personality changes can occur. You could be building a house on sand. A month is nothing.
I know, I know is not much time I guess - I don't want to take another blow to the heart, and I definitely don't want to bring giris into Harry's life for them to walk straight out again, that's something I swore I'd never do. I know it's only been a month but then it only gers harder to walk away if that's what Iive got to do. Plus or more month and she's meant to be oing hoe, if she says then she's staying for me - thats kinda pressure, y'know?

But ten on the other hand I try and explain this to my brother and he doesn't have any of it, he's all "you've hot a hot, young girl wanting to be with you, and you've gone and lost your nerve Ron"
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:30 AM   #12
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Actually, 28-30 is prime age for most athletes

Most people tend to look a lot better at 20 than 30 because they exercise a lot more and are more active at a younger age. It's nurture, not nature

The human body is at it's physical peak at about 28-30. Most of the hottest women you will see are at that range
Um no....look at the olympics. Definitely most people are around early to mid 20s

Certain sports may have higher average ages of prime, but a lot of that is due to mental mastery of the game.

Most people I know in my age group throughout my 20s havent worked out. They take their youth for granted and can look good doing nothing. People in their 30s and 40s cant get away with that.
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Originally Posted by T3h L337 d00d View Post
It's a well known fact being a widower adds romantic intrigue to a man.

For me prime time for a man is more than just being the most physical. 30 year old me could kick 20 year old me's ass. 25 year old me might have the upper hand though. Also looking old in the face as opposed to baby faced is attractive to most women.
Well known fact?

Source?
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:33 AM   #13
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Nevermind all the sports science literature that puts male and female physical prime somewhere in the early to mid 20s. Look at tennis for example. Or soccer. Youre considered old for those sports once you hit 30.

This doesnt mean I cant be in great shape or look good in my 30s. Ill just know the reality that my max potential was in my lower to mid 20s.
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:33 AM   #14
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The younger the better, OP. You have a girl that is in her prime looks-wise. That's a good thing.
Unless you're just looking for a short-term relationship, I think this is a very silly thing to put much weight in. I know soooo many women who look drastically different now in their mid-30's than they did in their early 20's, and not in a good way. Then there are others of us who've held up quite well, and look 7-10 years younger than our biological age. Some women change exponentially for the worse... you really don't know what you're getting.

Same goes for men.

Knowing what I know now, I'm glad I'm in a position to find someone who's in their 30's who still looks fantastic, because they're more likely to stay that way.
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Old 26th August 2013, 2:34 AM   #15
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Nevermind all the sports science literature that puts male and female physical prime somewhere in the early to mid 20s. Look at tennis for example. Or soccer. Youre considered old for those sports once you hit 30.

This doesnt mean I cant be in great shape or look good in my 30s. Ill just know the reality that my max potential was in my lower to mid 20s.
You're confusing sexual prime with physical prime.

As for sports, it depends on the sport. There are some where being in your 30's is an advantage: running and baseball are two examples.
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