JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 So I've only gone out with this terrific girl once, a week ago, but we had a great time - we both agree on that. And we've both expressed our desire to get together again. In the past week, though, we've had plans 3 times and each time, she has been unable to get together. Twice because of work and once because she was going out of town. She's always been very apologetic, detailed in her excuses, and professes that she's not flaky and that this is an unusual thing for her. She says she doesn't play any games and wants to see me. I really want to see her. Today was the third time and we never even connected this time. She's usually been quite good about calling and returning calls, but today, when she said she'd be back from out of town, I still heard nothing. Of course, I'm planning to pull back a bit, even though I never really pushed or pursued her much either. I mean, we went out for the first time last weekend - how much can someone pursue in a week? I do want to play this right though, and I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt since she's been so earnest (and honest?) in her conversations with me. I'd like to think she has been truthful and just busy with work - she works nights - and that things can still progress normally. Also, I met this girl through her friend, whom I knew first, and her friend thinks it's terrific that we've hooked up. I can't imagine they're colluding to mislead me, but I'm also not really sure what to think. Any opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 You've only had a single date, so I wouldn't say that you've "hooked up?" Is she for read or is she screwing with you? That's impossible to say at this point. Maybe there really are things going on at work that made it necessary for her to break her date. But what is up with making a date with you and then going out of town? What, didn't she know she was going out of town before she made a date with you? I dated a woman very briefly recently who did this sort of thing. She'd make a date and then not show or cancel at the last minute, but always with a plausible excuse. She was very contrite. The third time (and final one for me) was when I offered to cook dinner for her. She was excited about my invitation and accepted immediately. On the day this was supposed to happen, I went by her office (we worked in the same building) about 20 minutes before the end of the day and said "I just wanted to make sure we were still on for this evening." She responded "Oh yes! I've been looking forward to it all day. I'll see you at 7:30." It was just before 5:00 at the time. 7:00 rolls around and she's not there. Then 8, then 9. I ate my dinner (it was a good one, too!), cleaned the kitchen and went to bed. I was pissed off, but told myself that maybe she had had a family emergency or something. The next morning, I ran into her in a hallway. She was a chiper as could be: "good morning!" So I asked, "what happened to you last night?" She said, "what do you mean?" "Why didn't you show up for dinner?" "Oh, it just slipped my mind. I totally forgot." :You forgot you had a dinner date in two hours time?" "I said I forgot! What else do you want me to say. (snit)" I said, "Not an f'ing thing woman." I turned around and walked away. I never spoke to her again. I learned later from other guys that she'd done the exact thing to them. Some woemn just love to screw with a man's head. They love it when you chase them. What I'd do if I were you is punt to her. Tell her to give you a call when she's ready go go out again. If she's just toying with you, chances are you'll never hear from her. But even if you do, if she stands you up again, dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 What, didn't she know she was going out of town before she made a date with you? Actually, it was a last minute family trip she had to make, so no, she had no prior knowledge that she'd be going out of town. So like I said, in a way, this whole thing just doesn't compute. I guess if I didn't like her so much, it wouldn't matter, but I do, so I'd like to try to see where it goes. I know this, though. It's Monday, and by the end of this week, I'll know the deal. But as I said, I find it hard to believe that she's been so consistently full of you-know-what and that her friend is in on it. Maybe it was just a bad week for timing. Are there any women out there who can weigh in on this? Have you done this? Girls, why would you tell the guy you want to see him and accept numerous dates to see a guy if you have no intention of seeing him again? Or would you NOT accept and just say you're busy or unavailable somehow? Would you lead him on? Or not? Why? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 is the friend a female as well? If so, women...or should I stress SOME women just love messing with guys, lol. Sure 2 females would get together to collude against you as you say. Many times I've had women want me to chase them when I know they aren't interested. Too many bored people in this world wanting to play games with people, hehe. Especially with me...boohoo, oowoohoohoo some women will also say it's their nice way of saying no...which is just plain wrong. No wonder "no means no" gets all messed up. No should mean no and yes should mean yes, right? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Well, you seem taken with this woman, so I hope it is just bad timing. I doubt that there's any collusion between her and her friend. It would be interesting to hear what the ladies say about this. Also, any of you ladies you are toing the on-line dating/matchmaking thing, I have two questions: 1. She sends you an "I'm interested email." You respond back with "I'm interested, too." She writes and says let's get to know one another, tell me a bit about yourself. You respond and ask her to tell you a bit about herself. Then you never hear from her again. What is up with that? 2. When women contacst me first, it is almost invariably on a Wednesday or a Thursday. I respond (I always respond, since I think it rude not to). But I won't hear anything in response until Monday or Tuesday the following week (If I ever hear anything ever again). What is up with this? Are these women just `looking for a date for Saturday night? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Just from the stand point of a woman, it could be one of two things: 1. She's playing hard to get 2. She's not interested at all, and is just trying to politely get rid of you in hopes that you will give up the persuit. She may be busy, but if she really liked you she would have made time for you by now. Trust me on this one. IMHO, I think it's number two (sh*tty, and trying to take the less confrontational way out) She may just not want a commitment and she may see you as too zealous. Who knows? Anyway, better luck next time. You seem like a really sweet person. Don't let one bad apple ruin you for the rest of us! :-) Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 IMHO, I think it's number two (sh*tty, and trying to take the less confrontational way out) She may just not want a commitment and she may see you as too zealous. Who knows? If that's the case, why go to all the effort of making new plans and leading me on in such a way. Wouldn't it be easier to just say she's not avaiable and is busy and not make any new plans than to keep making plans and having to make excuses when she breaks them. That, to me, is more difficult. How is it possible to be too zealous when you've known someone for a week. All I've said is that I'd like to see her again, and she's said the same. I can't imagine that saying you want to see someone again, and trying to make plans, and then reschedule, is too zealous? Am I wrong? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Originally posted by JohnnyBravo Wouldn't it be easier to just say she's not avaiable and is busy and not make any new plans than to keep making plans and having to make excuses when she breaks them. Easier, yes, but nowhere near as fun. I'm not saying you girl is doing this, but a lot of women ego trip on doing this stuff to guys. Why they do it is a mystery. Some women are their own worst enemies. Playing hard to get was mentioned. Now there's an idea that's been warped so far away from it's original intent that it's ridiculous. What "hard to get" is supposed to mean is that you aren't an easy lay. If some woman plays hard to get in the modern sense with me, she won't get got. I'll just strike it up to she isn't interested and move on. No games, please. I agree that one shouldn't come on too strong at first. But I would definitely expect for a man to show some zealous interest in me fright from the start if I were a woman. Otherwise, I'd think he was just wanting some sex. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 No games, please. I understand what you're saying, and a lot of heartache and energy would be saved if these women wouldn't play these games, if that's what it is. By the way, I should specify that I'm in my mid thirties and this girl is in her mid twenties, so we're not kids. In fact, when I did question the veracity of her excuses, only by saying that I'd rather she would be upfront with me, she said she hoped I didn't doubt that she was being honest and truthful with me and that she's been through too much to NOT be upfront. She said she's not normally flaky and DOESN'T play games. "please don't be upset with me" she said. Meanwhile, here I am, hoping to hear from her, knowing that I should not call her, and hoping that everything she's said thus far is true. I'm not liking this feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 dude....duuude, dude? hehe, you have to go play some video games...and by video games I mean sweet PC games...none of that low res console crap ...what's that all about? Lighthearted no fuss no muss fun. I'm in my 30s too...sure I don't lookit cuz I'm all sweet as heck! hehe, I'm goofy(yes I need sleep ) Seriously, many people do have a hard time being real, whether that means hurting someone with honesty or making them feel good with honesty...who's to say? There are some people, like me who prefer NEGATIVE honesty over POSITIVE lies...we'd much rather here something that might hurt us if it means you're being honest rather than sweetening some illusionary pot for some karmic safeguard. That's the other thing, some people think doing so is for karma...but I wonder if karma deals with honesty and truthfulness over making someone feel good for the moment? hmm I met someone...things didn't quite seem to work out. I lamented...then I stumbled on something...it was so simple yet so profound. It was a simple idea, a simple way of thinking...full of logic and cosmic "what is, is". It's the fundamental, if someone likes you they'll make time for you. And of course you can take "like" anyway you please...someone can like you to spend more personal time with you, someone can like you past that initial newness phase onward to something more...etc. Yeah, if someone likes you they'll make that time for you...just as you would them. When you realize they don't...and the moment you realize that they no longer have that time for you is when you...we...have to accept things and move on. Keep that in mind...keep everything in mind...that's how you keep things in check. Checks and balances...if something doesn't quite balance...look to where it does not. It's all about drama too...some people live off it, others want nothing of it. Just as you I have hope too, or had it. But I rely on reality...the whole actions speak louder than words truth...it's one thing to say and another to do. Now...I might be sleep deprived and goofy but that wasn't half bad now was it? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Now...I might be sleep deprived and goofy but that wasn't half bad now was it? No, that wasn't half bad. Thanks for your comments. I wonder if what Shakespeare wrote about protesting too much is what's going on here - that you tend not to believe a person because they insist too strongly that something is not true. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Sounds like you're on the right track to me. Honestly, the other post'ers' are pretty right in what they were saying. Some people (women are GENERALLY a bit more subtle then men) and tend to show their lack of interest in a more non confrontational way. *shrugs* I am guilty of the same. She probably just didn't want to directly hurt your feelings. Her motives were to make you feel good about yourself while still keeping her distance from you. I know other people have posted as much, as I said before, I'm just agreeing with them. Once again, you seem nice. Don't let one game player jade you. Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Once again, you seem nice. Just what every guy wants to hear - that he's nice. Seriously though, thanks for the insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Excuse me......I have a little question. I want to know "when" she cancelled with you. Did she call you 1) that day, 2) just before the time you were to meet, 3) a day before your scheduled meet? That will make my decision weather this girl is playing you or not. Bubbles BTW, Johnnybravo.......I am also in my thirties. Don't you find it cool how nature has preserved us? I am told that I look 25 and not a day more......LOVING IT! I am almost 38! Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I want to know "when" she cancelled with you. Did she call you 1) that day, 2) just before the time you were to meet, 3) a day before your scheduled meet? Hi, Toronto, huh? I've been there twice this year to see someone I was involved with until a couple of months ago. Nice town. Each time she cancelled, it was quite last minute - late afternoon for our evening meeting. Friday at 5:30 she told me she had to go out of town - that it came up last minute... So I would say it's been closer to the times we were planning to meet. Her friend just told me, by the way, that this is something that this girl has done to her also, as of late. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Women in there 20s are the worst game players around. Here's something else that can be going on. I know, because it happened to me. She could be seeing someone else, too. She's really more interested in the other guy, but she lind of likes you too. So she's stringing you along so that she will have you in the wings, should this other guy not work out. Now there's nothing wrong with her seeing more than one guy, but she should actually be seeing the both of you; not seeing one, but placing the other on hold. Bubbles makes a great point..... I think you are doing the right thing. There's plenty of time. And give her the benefit of doubt. Maybe she is being real. YellowLioness, I hear what you are saying. But there's another way of stating this, in general men are for more honest and forthright in their dealings with others. Obviously, this doesn't apply to the players, who make dishonesty a zin-like thing. You know where you stand with a man. He's either interested or he isn't. Sure, women beat around the bush to let you know they aren't interested. But I have to tell you that my experience is that they don't do this undtil they've got a couple of nice dates out of you. All too often, it's when the man tries to get physical is when she drops it on him that she'd not interested in him in "that way." Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Just saw your response to Bubble's question. Told you she has a point. And your response makes me change my point of view. You are being jerked around plain and simple. She's seeing someone else. She makes a date with you, then he calls, and she blows you off. Last friday? Yeah she went "out of town" alright, with him. Funny, you haven't heard from her since have you? She's keeping this from her friend, since she probably knows that when her friend learns of this, she's probably going to blow a gasket. After all, this makes her friend look bad for setting the two of you up. Forget her and move on. You'll hear from her again, but it'll be when he's unavailable or has dumped her. You're dealing with a female player. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 You are being jerked around plain and simple. I'm confused. First you say maybe she's being real. Then you say I'm being jerked around. Maybe it's both for all I know. I'm actually looking forward to Bubble's next post since I'm interested to hear her response to my answer to her questions. And actually, her friend didn't set us up. I knew her friend first, but I met them each individually and when I took this one out, we clicked. Her friend did think it was great that we did, but we didn't get set up, per se. And as I said, I think her friend would know about another guy, and this flakiness is a mystery to her too. Thanks for the insight. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 At first, I was thinking, as you were, that the timing may have been bad. Then you reveal that she broke all three dates at the last minute. That's an important piece of information. Breaking a date at the last minute might happen once, maybe twice, in the course of a year, but never in the couse of a week. She's screwing with your mind and there is no mistake about it. No. I said her friend may NOT know about the other guy. If she's a mystery to her women friends, there's something terribly wrong. Women share much, much more than we men do. So if her friend is confused, it's no small wonder that you are. Something's wrong here, JohnnyBravo, and you need to pay attention. Or better yet stop paying attention. Your situation with this woman is just a bit too weird. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Something's wrong here, JohnnyBravo, and you need to pay attention. Or better yet stop paying attention. Your situation with this woman is just a bit too weird. We had a good conversation tonight and now have plans to see each other again. If this falls through, I'll take your advice and stop paying attention. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment, but she's hot. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Hey JohnnyBravo, Sorry Buddy......this girl does not have a genuine interest. If she is cancelling with you at the last minute that means.......she made plans with you but sought out other more interesting plans for the evening also. Her cancelling out with you tells me that she has a very busy agenda and it does not include you. I know people who enjoy having very busy "social lives" they make two different plans for the same evening cancell out on the less interesting/exciting without any regard for yours or anyones else's feelings. She may be a 'hottie' but I'm afraid she is not worth it. Too busy for her own good. Listen to what your friend said herself. Sounds like this girl is a real social butterfly. What does she do for a living? Is she in sales? Those are the only types of people that would have a valid "work" excuse. I have been around the block a time or two and trust me, people like this are not worth your time. She is obviously not ready to slow down any time soon. Bottom line............don't count on her following through on your next plans. Make alternate plans yourself so when she calls to cancell out with you, you can at least say "well that's o.k. - a friend of mine called and wanted to get together for drinks so I guess I'll take her/him up on that offer now! (with a smile on your face while you are talking, remember; a smiling face can be heard in your tone of voice - you don't want to come off looking angry or bitter) you have a good time and maybe we'll get together another time!" Don't sound like you want to stay on the phone with her - wish her well and hang up. Again......don't be angry or rude, smile! You be the better man. I'll bet she calls you the next time. Good luck, I hope my advise helps you maintain your dignity and her respect for you. Bubbles. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 you're welcome, Bravo. Good luck in love! Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment, but she's hot. This speaks volumes. Stop thinking with your penis. LOL. Bubbles is right. Hotties know they are hotties and they use it to their best advantage. Did you call her or she you? Say Bubbles, wanna get married!?! JUST KIDDING! Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBravo Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Did you call her or she you? She called me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Startingagain, No I do not want to get married.........ever again! That's not an insult to you that you are not worth marrying......that's just my motto. Thanks for asking though......I know a compliment when I hear one JohnnyBravo, I sure hope you take my advice and make alternate plans for yourself. If you two do end up going out - make it a good time! If you want her attention make her laugh, make her feel special, look at her at all times and be a Gentleman. Those are the things that stand out in a girl's mind. Don't expect anything. If she gives you a kiss take it graciously. If she calls and cancells......turn to your alternate plans. Make sure you go out no matter what! Don't let YOURSELF down. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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