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3 dates under the belt, how much contact is too much?


danlightbulb

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danlightbulb

Need advice please.

 

I've been on 3 dates now with this lovely woman I met online. We get on well I think, I fancy her (can't 100% say for sure the other way round but we did have a kiss at the last date).

 

Trouble is I don't know how much contact is too much, or what the right kind of contact is. She comes across as quite aloof especially with text messages. She is also quite shy, as am I.

 

Now I've read all the internet garbage about not chasing etc, but I want to see this woman again. She hinted that she 'might' be free tomorrow but I haven't heard from her yet. So do I go ahead and text her? Or do I phone?

 

To be honest I worry about phoning as I don't want to intrude on what she might be doing on a saturday night and put her off. I worry about texting as it might be a bit anonymous and uncaring. I also worry about not doing anything to contact her as I don't want her to think I don't like her. I'm caught in a trap here.

 

Help please!

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Call her. Mention that you recall her saying she might be free tomorrow, and were wondering if she would like to do xyz. Don't text, since she seems aloof about it. What have you got to lose? Good luck!

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Think of her reaction.... '' I can't believe this guy actually calls to set up another date... I am breaking up with him'' No healthy person does that.. Don't overthink small things If you are both interested in each other this small things don't matter even if you screw up

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Speakingofwhich

Call her. A guy who takes takes and interest in getting a relationship going is attractive!

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Stay off the telephone. Save all that talking in person. Only use the phone to call her and set up that date. Like you said, she isn't fond of texting.

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danlightbulb

Ok so I called and no pick up. Followed it up with a text and no response.

 

I'm not surprised really. This happened a couple weeks back too. Then when we did speak a couple days later we arranged another date (the third) and had a great time.

 

Its just annoying and it doesn't help my self confidence when there is no response. Makes me feel anxious.

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Ok so I called and no pick up. Followed it up with a text and no response.

 

I'm not surprised really. This happened a couple weeks back too. Then when we did speak a couple days later we arranged another date (the third) and had a great time.

 

Its just annoying and it doesn't help my self confidence when there is no response. Makes me feel anxious.

 

Sorry, danlightbulb. Some people are terrible with communication and some even makes excuses for being inconsiderate about it.

 

I dated a woman that was atrocious when it came to communication. She was/is extremely busy, but there was no excuse really for the tardiness of her messages. I grew to know her very well and her lack of communication wasn't to be inconsiderate, rather, it was how she was. I let her know and things improved some. :) Talk to your friend next time about it.

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danlightbulb
OP , you sound cute...especially the "I am in a trap " part.. was laughing hard :lmao:

 

You know what this is genuinely a nightmare. I'd forgotten how totally confusing it is to like someone.

 

As an update to this thread, I did phone her, she's been really busy recently and we aren't going out again until next week.

 

I can't figure out if I'm worrying too much about nothing or whether I'm picking up that she might not be as interested in me as I am in her.

 

But whatever it is I feel better now I have certainty that I'm not seeing her this week and I'll have to just see how it goes next week. She is quiet and quite shy I think, but I really like her and I'm pretty inexperienced myself really so just got to try and be honest with her I guess and try and show her I care and allow that trust to build up at its own pace. Does this make sense?

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