Coworker situation.. what do you think?

[imnotsosure]

Here's the situation.. new girl just started where I work a few weeks ago. We just recently started working the same shift. Now, let me start by saying this.. I am not a ladies man, have not been in many relationships and none that I would consider "serious," so I'm not the best with signs/girls in general. Plus I would consider this girl way out of my league.

 

But here's the thing, almost immediately I noticed she seemed kinda into me. Playfully poking me, "accidentally" running into me as she walked by me, running her hand across my back when she walked by. and I play around too doing the same things. she even told another coworker I was her type.

 

Out of nowhere about a week ago, she messaged me on Facebook telling me that I should text her, so I did. We've been texting quite a bit since then. Just about every day. She says she wishes I worked more with her blah blah blah. She even initiates the conversation much of the time and tells me to text her when I leave work. But NOW I kinda notice she is becoming more short with her messages the last couple days.. not really asking me much so I have to keep it going and it gets annoying.. and from my experience when a girl does this she doesn't wanna talk or isn't interested.

 

So recently I asked if she had a boyfriend.. to which she replied "sorta, its complicated right now. i dont know if i want to be with him."

 

What do I make of all this?? The short texts are putting me off and if she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend, I would have already asked her out and be done with it. Life's been ****ty the last year so I have been out of the "dating game" for a year now.

 

We are both between 18-22 years of age.

 

I don't even know what I'm asking.. just wanted to know what you thought about my situation and vent a little lol.

 

Thanks all

[dasein]

Welcome to LS. Wish someone had told me what I'm about to tell you when I was your age. Discount everything women say and do other than two things when trying to estimate their interest in you. 1. She enthusiastically agrees to spend time with you on dates or wherever, just alone though, you and her. 2. She is enthusiastically responsive to your respectful, escalating physical advances up to and including sex. That's it. That's all that matters.

 

Everything else is just noise to be discounted including texts, phone, smiling at you, flirting at work, everything. If it's not 1 or 2, it's irrelevant. This means that when you meet a woman who interests you, ask her out to do something specific fast, not hang out, not get a drink sometime, to do something specific on a specific day, time, place. If she says "no," no need to get involved in any of the accompanying reasoning, if you work together, don't ask her out again, and pretty much avoid her, but not in a rude, nasty way, just be where she isn't. She knows where to find you if she changes her mind.

 

Never ask if a woman is involved before asking her out, just ask her, and listen carefully to her reply. Don't really -value- any of it, or take it too seriously or personally, just listen. If they start to ramble on incoherently in making excuses, stop them after awhile and say "Hey, I understand, no problem." Say nothing else. Never get dragged into some long excuse about their uncertainties, their crappy BF, etc. Do get dragged in, and you are instantly just another GF who happens to have a dick. Leave all that stuff for their orbiters and GFs to deal with. Men don't and shouldn't.

 

If she goes out with you, then choose an environment for the date where she can get closer to you and touch you. Sitting next to each other having appetizers at the bar works, or even on a bench in the park, not a movie, not a dinner across the table. Kiss her at the end of the night. if she doesn't want to kiss you on the first date, ask her out again a few days later and repeat, If she won't kiss you after that date, move on. Always be light, fun, flirty on dates, never ever talk about past relationships, history, heavy relationship topics, heavy topics of any kind at all. Just have fun. No quizzes or 20 questions, just light and fun.

 

Keep your dating process binary and keep yourself sane in your dealings with women. Do this and you will always know where you stand with any given woman, won't have any angst or wonder or sit around thinking and pondering what if and wasting time. If one says no, go out and find another one, don't sit around and pine for any one woman, focus on cultivating options. If you have no options, get out and find some. Will take work at first, but once you have done this the right way, there is a snowball effect, and you will never again feel insecure about dealing with women or dating again. Good luck.

[imnotsosure]

First off- I'd like to say thanks for the response and your time.

 

I just had to ask if she was already involved lol, it was killing me. When she told me what she told me about it, I just basically said "gotcha, i understand." and that was the end of that. definitely DO NOT want to be that dude she tells her problems to..

 

see, because we work so closely and so often, i am trying to go slowly and carefully as to not make things awkward if she did in fact say no to being asked out. otherwise, like i said, i would have already asked her out and been done with it.

 

thanks again

[dasein]

Well the best advice is to avoid feelings for people you work closely with for obvious reasons you have alluded to, but as we all know, things happen. It's a long shot, but every now and then those things can work out. They are not to be the primary focus of our social life though. We have to get out and hunt like the tiger or be the tiger rug, and away from work to boot. No middle ground.

 

Just remember to keep things binary until a relationship with a firm foundation is in place, no chatty cathy, no pillow talk, no revelations or opening up, no hours long phone or texting sessions, heavy or pressure talk, ask out for dates, show your physical attraction in a respectful healthy way. That's it until she is giving very definite signs that she wants exclusivity with you, wants no one else but you. Then consider whether you want to foreclose your other options (that you -must- have and work to cultivate) or not.

[D-Lish]

I get the feeling that you've been passive from your posts. She showed all the signs, initiated- and you didn't pursue in the manner she may have wanted.

 

Trust me when I tell you that trying to figure out a 20 year old girl is impossible because even she doesn't likely know what she wants or understand her own motivations for doing what she does.

[imnotsosure]

Haha yeah I've definitely been passive. I'm just going to eventually go for broke and see what happens, but not yet. Going to stop being so passive, as now to me the signs ate obvious...

 

Think I could have messed my chances up with being so passive? Hope I didn't give her the wrong idea that I didn't like her, cause its totally the opposite.. I'm posting this on a forum for advice hahah.

[will1988]

I'd say don't schidt where you eat... so don't fornicate where you work. However, you are young, she is young and worse case scenerio is you can change jobs. go for it!

[imnotsosure]

^^ kinda my thought process as well. This is a college job that means pretty much zero to both of us, so yeah.

 

Thanks all for your replies.