Disconnected

[Tene]

So six months back I started dating this guy - from a different country (Japan to be exact), but his English is good. We are both residing for at least the next couple of years in the same place, but we do not share the same first language. I rarely date, but I made an exception for him because we fit perfectly. All of our friends say how we are like twins we are so alike - despite the belief that opposites attract science has already proved that similar people attract. We usually spend a few days a week together and a few days of the week apart. After we have been together for a day or two I feel very close to him, we can have deep conversations and we really can enjoy spending days together without wanting the other one to go away. He even hinted after 3 months that he would like us to move in together, but I need my away time to do my own thing.

 

The problem comes up when we are apart. Maybe not the first day, but when we are apart for 2 or more days I go from feeling safe and secure to feeling worried and anxious. I thought maybe insecurity, but I am happy with myself and he has friends who are girls and when they hang out together I don't feel worried or jealous. I feel like he becomes distant, like he is a stranger and I don't know him at all. Right now he is in his own country visiting family and I feel so lonely because of how he talks "Today I am going to hang out with some friends and maybe go shopping." He wanted us to talk every day, so we both send a few texts every day, but his feel cold and lack any affection or emotion. Having different cultures makes it hard to differentiate whether it is an emotional problem, or culture. But even though when together I am so happy, after a few days apart I feel like I just want to break up, or shake him (not literally). I don't know what to do. I just feel like there is something he is not telling me, or that he is keeping me at arms length. Even though he said he would always be honest with me, and I know that he cares about me, I feel like something is off. People always say to trust your gut and my gut is telling me that there is a part of his life that he is keeping from me and I don't know how to approach it.

[Deepwounds]

I am white male dating an Americanized Chinese female, and her family is very traditional and cant speak English etc etc.She goes to school and lives in the dorms at her college, and I see a much more loviedovie attitude from her, but when she goes home to her Traditional cultural family. I notice her behavior changes the way she speaks to me Via Skyp, Text, and even phone is very different. Almost like shes like you said to good, or very selfdependent and when it happens I see it and I kinda think stupid ****, but after reading your post I kinda got the bigger picture.

 

Mabe they are influence behavior of their culture and surroundings change them a little bit.

[Tene]

I am white male dating an Americanized Chinese female, and her family is very traditional and cant speak English etc etc.She goes to school and lives in the dorms at her college, and I see a much more loviedovie attitude from her, but when she goes home to her Traditional cultural family. I notice her behavior changes the way she speaks to me Via Skyp, Text, and even phone is very different. Almost like shes like you said to good, or very selfdependent and when it happens I see it and I kinda think stupid ****, but after reading your post I kinda got the bigger picture.

 

Mabe they are influence behavior of their culture and surroundings change them a little bit.

 

I guess I didn't look at it that way, maybe I just need to try to understand him better. Thank you.

[sdraw108]

It's worth pointing out that Chinese and Japanese cultures are very different. Not sure how that factors in to your situation, but bear it in mind when reading the post above.

[Deepwounds]

It's worth pointing out that Chinese and Japanese cultures are very different. Not sure how that factors in to your situation, but bear it in mind when reading the post above.

 

I do agree with this statement, but Chinese and Japaneses are at least closer in comparison then they do American. Just saying