Is it just me or is he giving me mixed signals?

[Mickey75]

Lil background on the 2 of us...

 

We met back in high school... he is 4 yrs older than me, I was 14 and he was 18. It was 'like' at first sight for both of us back then and we were a duo fro that first meeting, although I was never officially his girlfriend. He was dating another girl when we met, but yet he was smitten with me too. So I dated other guys and after he graduated he would come to visit me all the time, and it wasn't until a yr or so into our relationship that we had sex. He wasn't my first (a big regret here). However, after a few yrs of 'visiting' and coming to see me he disappeared off the face of the earth and I didn't see him again with no explanation or warning. I was very, very hurt because I cared quite deeply for him and I thought he cared alot for me too, so I was really confused. It turns out that he moved in with a friend who had another roommate... and she turned out to be his future wife. I have never been married.

 

Fast fwd 20 yrs later and add in facebook... I looked him up and there he was... I couldn't see anything on his profile, so I debated a few days whether or not to contact him... but I did. He messaged me back right away and apparently had been looking for me for months, but had forgotten my last name. We talked on the phone for an hour and a half and made plans to meet up again. I found that he was getting divorced (freshly divorced and had just come to a finally agreement the day before I msg'ed him although I didn't know that until weeks later) and has a 12 yr old son who he has primary custody of(I have a 4yr old). He told me that night that he was so sorry how he left all those yrs ago and how he felt so bad about how he ended things. He just said the age difference and he was at a different point in his life, so he chose a different path to take.

 

We met up and have been talking non-stop ever since (video chat on fb, texts and phone-calls). One night he came over on a whim late at night and we talked until the wee hours of the morning, obvious to both each other that we still had the feelings for each other that we did as kids. So I got up the nerve and asked him when he was gonna kiss me. He pulled me to him and as a crack of thunder went off we kissed. The next night on video chat he pulled back and said he wanted to take things slow and get to know one another again. I was disappointed, but again I hadn't known all of the details of the divorce. Apparently the night he came over was the first night his son was gone on visitation for a week at his mothers house. About a week or so later it was obvious that we were attracted to each other sexually. While I know most people will say to wait to have sex we decided that we needed to get that out of the way to see if it was only lust keeping us together and so I spent the night at his house. It was phenomenal and obvious we are a match in the bedroom.

 

We talk on the phone every single day... he texts me all day and at night he video chats with me. He even spent a week on vacation in Cancun with his friends and sent me pictures every day, even called me one night from his hotel room. If he goes out to the bar with friends he sends me pictures or heck calls me while in the car in front of his friends or family. We send pics and texts throughout the day... not all of the chats, texts etc. are sexual. I've even met his son through video chatting and he has met my son too.

 

Yet, he says that he isn't ready, that he is at a selfish point in his life and he doesn't know what is going to happen from one day to the next. We've spent time together at either his house or mine (not while the kids are there) and have had a sex a few times since the first encounter. We have not gone out on an official date at all and of course I am wondering. One night after he'd gone out with his friends he posted a pic of himself with 2 women (an unusual pic for him to post) and I asked him about them... He saw the look on my face so I couldn't deny that it upset me and he said 'you never know something worse might get posted'. I asked him what he meant and he said well if I go out and I get drinking you never know what could happen and I asked if he meant going home with another woman, he said it could happen. I then asked if he would be upset if I did that and he said no he wouldn't because it wouldnt be any of his business. Then he said that 'maybe I posted it to see what you'd say'. I obviously didn't like this.. and he asked if I was okay with things as they are now... I told him no. He then asked if we should still keep doing what we are doing and I said yes and no. He also said the same when I asked him... He said that he doesn't want to hurt me.

 

I am so confused and I'm not some young stupid girl I'll be 38 tomorrow and he turned 42 today, but yet I am still mind-boggled about what to think and do. He is saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite. We are both investing alot of time and energy into this relationship, none of it is one-sided to where you could say I was chasing him or vice-versa.

 

Whats your take on this, I have seen and heard so many conflicting things I am truly puzzled.

[LoverOfDance]

I don't really understand why u're letting this man treat u the way he's treating u. I wish u wld open your eyes and see the truth. This man is using you. He used u many years ago and now he's using u again. He left U. After sleeping with u many years ago, he left U. And instead of him being the one to contact u many years later to apologize 4 what he did, it's the other way around.

 

He doesn't feel 4 u what u feel 4 him. If he did, he wldn't have left. If he did, he wld want u and all of u and wldn't be ok with u seeing other ppl. You're not a priority to him and u never were. Reality is harsh but if u wld just open up your eyes and see things 4 what they truly are u wld save yourself a lot of pain. Please find a way to detach yourself from this man. He's not good 4 you. Never was and will never be. Don't mean to be harsh, but at 38, u should know better.

[Sunshine87]

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice....

 

This mn is doing the same thing he did 20 years ago. Ild excuse his behaviour when he was 18 years but now? No.

 

He enjoys your company and the attention he gets. He doesn't love you the way you love him. I doubt he ever will. You need to garner the strength to move on. It will be hard but you don't want to spend your 38th birthday crying over a guy who is treating you so poorly. You are a grown, mature woman. It's hard to separate logic from emotions but if you don't cut him off, the pain will continue.