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Do some girls like healthy level of possessiveness?


Phantom888

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My previous posts today involved my expressing discomfort towards the fact that my girlfriend had a few people she dated on her Facebook friends list. We had a short discussion last night, and she removed them all without incident. She was happy to do so, while I felt guilty for suggesting. All in all, she texted me today telling me how she is glad we can resolve issues easily.

 

Then just now she texted me, saying how she LOVES the fact that I am taking claim on what is mine. She said she LOVES being my woman, and my mild aggressiveness really turned her on last night. She said my disapproval of her exes on her FB shows that I am taking charge, and making it clear that she is my woman, and that there is no reason she would want to keep those guys on her FB anyway. She said i was like a caveman, and that got her completely wet! :confused:

 

I was kinda confused. Not only was she sensitive to my feelings, she thought it was hot that I "claimed" her. For the record, I did not do anything mean or brute-ish. I was very calm when i expressed that I didn't like the idea of those men staying on her FB. I also told her I don't like the idea of thinking about her and any other man. It bothers me because I am a man, and has nothing to do with insecurity or jealousy. I told her she's my woman now, and that's all that matters. I pity the fools who couldn't keep her. I just don't want to think about anyone she dated. That's all. After that discussion last night, she jumped me, then deleted those guys in the morning. I thought she jumped me because she wanted me to feel better, but now I think she was actually turned on by my remarks.

 

Question for the ladies: Do you like it when your man makes it clear that you are his woman? The tone is firm, not abusive. Just a mild level of possessiveness that shows you how much he wants to be with you. Do yall like that? Or would you rather have a man give you all the space you want, and doesn't care what you do or think?

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Nobody likes a doormat but she is going a bit too far. I want a woman who knows proper boundaries without me having to put her in her place.

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No offense op, but you are starting a new topic for every single conversation you have with your gf, it seems.

 

For someone your age, who was also married before, you would think you could figure out some of this on your own.

 

Not trying to be rude, but only YOU and your partner should dictate how the relationship progresses. Asking people for advice for every single idea that pops in your head is going to make you unable to function on your own.

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No offense op, but you are starting a new topic for every single conversation you have with your gf, it seems.

 

For someone your age, who was also married before, you would think you could figure out some of this on your own.

 

Not trying to be rude, but only YOU and your partner should dictate how the relationship progresses. Asking people for advice for every single idea that pops in your head is going to make you unable to function on your own.

 

No I'm not really asking for advice per se, I just want to survey to see if there is a common trend. I'm just throwing out ideas that's it.

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Question for the ladies: Do you like it when your man makes it clear that you are his woman? The tone is firm, not abusive. Just a mild level of possessiveness that shows you how much he wants to be with you. Do yall like that? Or would you rather have a man give you all the space you want, and doesn't care what you do or think?

 

Neither of these. I do not like possessiveness in any form. BLECH.

 

But I also want him to care what I do and think, and want him to want to spend time with me.

 

It's about accepting each other and truly enjoying each other's company, without placing demands on each other or asking each other to be someone different.

 

Your GF's comments could go one of two ways... it could be that since this is early in the relationship, your actions were reassuring to her that you want to be with her, which made her feel good.

 

Or it could be that she has some major issues surrounding jealousy, gender roles, etc.

 

Time will tell - we'll hope it is the first!!!

 

IMO, assertive is good. Controlling is not. For *ME*, what you did crosses the line into controlling, but her line is obviously in a different place. Now you just have to see if her line is healthy or not. :D

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There's no such thing as a healthy level of possessiveness, IMO. No man stakes a claim on me. GROSS.

 

Your GF liking your behavior tells me she's really insecure and/or prefers to be dominated.

 

It seems like you fit well because of this, but I would not equate her liking it to the average woman liking it. We don't.

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The easiest answer, is an excess of anything, is not healthy. We all know that relationships are built on trust and there needs to be a sufficient level of freedom and personal space provided by both people. If you fail to provide that more times than not, the relationship will eventually go down the pooper. As long as you can keep certain things in check and understand that "possessiveness" stems from our own insecurities, you'll be better off.

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Your GF's comments could go one of two ways... it could be that since this is early in the relationship, your actions were reassuring to her that you want to be with her, which made her feel good.

 

Or it could be that she has some major issues surrounding jealousy, gender roles, etc.

 

The OP wanted to bring up exclusivity after ONE date. They've known each other less than a month.

 

They're already expressing love? She's glad he's staking his claim in her?

 

I don't think it's the first, unfortunately.

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The OP wanted to bring up exclusivity after ONE date. They've known each other less than a month.

 

They're already expressing love? She's glad he's staking his claim in her?

 

I don't think it's the first, unfortunately.

 

I think everyone perceives love differently, and that's why it takes people so long to find their counterpart. This isn't our first relationship. Heartbreak is nothing new to us. It's not like we are ignorant. It's likely we are both quirky like this, and that's how we click so easily.

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It's likely we are both quirky like this, and that's how we click so easily.

 

Quirky? Is that what you'd call it?

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Southern Cal Dude

When I think of possessive, I think of Glenn Close eventually trying to kill me. :p

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Ruby Slippers

Yes, I like a "healthy" level of possessiveness, as long as it's not controlling or excessive, and within reason it turns me on, too. I'm a little possessive myself, so I get it.

 

I don't use Facebook, but I would never keep exes on my friend's list, and I wouldn't be too fond of my man doing that, either.

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thecrucible
Question for the ladies: Do you like it when your man makes it clear that you are his woman? The tone is firm, not abusive. Just a mild level of possessiveness that shows you how much he wants to be with you. Do yall like that? Or would you rather have a man give you all the space you want, and doesn't care what you do or think?

 

Yeah I do like that. I don't like jealousy but I want to feel like the guy is mindful of me, and would defend me in public if someone threatened me or tried to hit on me. Otherwise I'd find it hard to respect him as a man. Sounds harsh but it's true. I will instantly lose respect for a guy if he doesn't do those things.

 

I also want the guy to have some spark and personality. I don't want the guy to agree with everything I say.

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My previous posts today involved my expressing discomfort towards the fact that my girlfriend had a few people she dated on her Facebook friends list. We had a short discussion last night, and she removed them all without incident. She was happy to do so, while I felt guilty for suggesting. All in all, she texted me today telling me how she is glad we can resolve issues easily.

 

Then just now she texted me, saying how she LOVES the fact that I am taking claim on what is mine. She said she LOVES being my woman, and my mild aggressiveness really turned her on last night. She said my disapproval of her exes on her FB shows that I am taking charge, and making it clear that she is my woman, and that there is no reason she would want to keep those guys on her FB anyway. She said i was like a caveman, and that got her completely wet! :confused:

 

I was kinda confused. Not only was she sensitive to my feelings, she thought it was hot that I "claimed" her. For the record, I did not do anything mean or brute-ish. I was very calm when i expressed that I didn't like the idea of

those men staying on her FB. I also told her I don't like the idea of thinking about her and any other man. It bothers me because I am a man, and has nothing to do with insecurity or jealousy. I told her she's my woman now,

and that's all that matters. I pity the fools who couldn't keep her. I just don't want to think about anyone she dated. That's all. After that discussion last night, she jumped me, then deleted those guys in the morning. I thought she jumped me because she wanted me to feel better, but now I think she was

actually turned on by my remarks.

 

Question for the ladies: Do you like it when your man makes it clear that you are his woman? The tone is firm, not abusive. Just a mild level of

possessiveness that shows you how much he wants to be with you. Do yall like that? Or would you rather have a man give you all the space you want, and doesn't care what you do or think?

 

 

It is nice when a guy you're into is a bit jealous. Obviously everything in moderation but it shows the guy cares. I understand what she means :)

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Million.to.1

I like it when my BF displays the confidence that I am his girl. A quiet knowing that I'm not going to stray, and that guys can try it on, but they aren't going to succeed. hahaha.

 

For example, if I am talking to some guy at a party who is mildly flirting with me and my boyfriend from across the room smiles and gives me a wink, but says nothing, that is the best.

 

Jealousy is a turn off. Confidence breeds confidence.

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In my opinion, a little jealous is healthy. Most women would rather a man who got a little jealous than a man who didn't give a s*** ....especially if they reall like the guy. Whether or not they deny it doesn't change the fact.

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I wouldn't want a super confident man either. Nobody can be THAT confident as to never ever get a teeny weeny jealous. We are talking about humans here not machines lol

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I like it when my BF displays the confidence that I am his girl. A quiet knowing that I'm not going to stray, and that guys can try it on, but they aren't going to succeed. hahaha.

 

For example, if I am talking to some guy at a party who is mildly flirting with me and my boyfriend from across the room smiles and gives me a wink, but says nothing, that is the best.

 

Jealousy is a turn off. Confidence breeds confidence.

 

I totally agree. If I were a jealous dude, I would not be able to take my girl out on the town, because she likes to dress sexy, and her HUGE chest catches much attention. Last weekend while we were at the marina, a young handsome tourist started to chat her up while I was getting drinks. I looked at her from afar and started to laugh. I thought to myself, this poor dude actually thinks he has a chance when she has ME? So then I handed to her my drink and we both laughed. The tourist had no idea what we were laughing at. Yes, it's kinda mean, but we were just having fun. :laugh:

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But what is the difference between jealousy and possessiveness? Lol. They translate to the same thing.

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Million.to.1

Yes, exactly.

 

I thought to myself, this poor dude actually thinks he has a chance when she has ME?

 

....... but maybe tone down the narcissism.

 

 

If you feel like this though... why did she have to delete all her ex's off FB again? I'm confused.

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In fact, someone might be jealous and not act on it. However possessiveness indicates some action towards the partner in question. Semantics if you asked me. What some posters describe as "possessiveness" is jealousy to me.

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I don't get jealous. If a woman wants to leave me that's fine by me. It is not that I don't care however I care enough if she thinks it will make her happy that's cool with me. It wouldn't bother me if she was flirting as long she's not having sex. If she has sex then I have to decide what to do but I will not get jealous or angry over it. It would just be a trust issue.

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Yes, exactly.

 

 

 

....... but maybe tone down the narcissism.

 

 

If you feel like this though... why did she have to delete all her ex's off FB again? I'm confused.

 

This.

 

I'm sensing a "you should be lucky you have me, don't piss me off by talking to exes" attitude.

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I like it when my BF displays the confidence that I am his girl. A quiet knowing that I'm not going to stray, and that guys can try it on, but they aren't going to succeed. hahaha.

 

For example, if I am talking to some guy at a party who is mildly flirting with me and my boyfriend from across the room smiles and gives me a wink, but says nothing, that is the best.

 

Jealousy is a turn off. Confidence breeds confidence.

^^^^^^^This! Yes. Well said, good example!
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I'm jealous, and I know it. I do admire and like guys who are slightly posessive of me because it indicates their feelings but I wouldn't want then to dictate who I may talk to and what I may do in my life. Your partner should be confident that they have you by their side irrespective of the circumstances.

 

Chill with some of the comments. You can come off as an arrogant prick, and that's not an attractive quality. Boasting about how awesome you are, and how good she has it with you, only reflects your insecurities. You don't have to state it for it to be true. I remember telling my ex that I was the best thing he's ever had, and now, reflecting on it, that hubris was too much.

 

It sounds like your lady likes to be controlled and submissive. I'm part Asian, and it's a stereotype of the culture, but I can be incredibly deferential and submissive to others due to my upbringing. I knew a guy who was turned on by it because I was very honest with it. I like to please others, but I can be assertive and stubborn when needed. Every situation is different.

 

Don't exploit her. She's your equal, and you should give her the freedom and independence to make her own decisions. She shouldn't be groveling to seek your approval. A little possessiveness is healthy and fine, but don't bask in your ability to bend her will to you because it is disconcerting.

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