No response for one month + on online dating?

[Michelle83]

So let's say you're doing online dating, you send a girl a message (this is mostly for the guys out there), she looks at your profile, but doesn't respond...

 

 

Then one month later, she does. Would you still be interested in her?

 

I'm going to fire up my Eharmony account soon I think and put a bit more effort into dating, but I can't really date/talk to more than a few people at once. It just stresses me out... but last time I was on, I got quite a few messages from guys i might be interested in meeting.

 

So just not sure how to best handle that. I don't want them to think I'm rejecting them entirely, but I just can't talk to many people at once.

[Star Gazer]

I do this *all the time*. I just apologize for the delay in responding, and move right along with it. Hasn't posed a problem for me.

[Michelle83]

That's great to hear! I really hope that most guys can see past this and aren't offended. Last time I was on I was so overwhelmed with it all, it's kind of put me off trying again because I feel like if I don't get back to them, I'll ruin my chances of ever knowing them.

 

Obviously they may find someone else, that's always a risk, but too much multi-dating eats my conscious alive.

[MrCastle]

No I wouldn't still be interested in her.

 

My initial reaction would be, it didn't work out with her and the other guys she actually did answer, so now she's going for a sure thing.

 

If you reject me for any reason (ignored message, wasn't into me initially, etc) you've made your choice.

[BeholdtheMan]

The answer to this one is very obvious:

 

It should tell the guy that she's not interested enough to respond within a month.

 

How long does it take to type a short message and hit send? Not very long. A few days is fine. A month after seeing a message shows very little interest.

[Star Gazer]

No I wouldn't still be interested in her.

 

My initial reaction would be, it didn't work out with her and the other guys she actually did answer, so now she's going for a sure thing.

 

If you reject me for any reason (ignored message, wasn't into me initially, etc) you've made your choice.

 

Funny how you take it as a rejection.

 

What if she simply doesn't multi-date, and you contacted her while she was busy with someone else?

 

Or she was out of the country?

 

Or not a subscribing/paying member?

 

I've never had a guy not respond back once I finally did. Your loss.

[Star Gazer]

That's great to hear! I really hope that most guys can see past this and aren't offended. Last time I was on I was so overwhelmed with it all, it's kind of put me off trying again because I feel like if I don't get back to them, I'll ruin my chances of ever knowing them.

 

Obviously they may find someone else, that's always a risk, but too much multi-dating eats my conscious alive.

 

If they're offended, that's their problem and their loss. Some people on OLD sites expect waaaaaay too much from literal, virtual strangers.

[BeholdtheMan]

Funny how you take it as a rejection.

It generally indicates lack of interest. Sure the delay might be due to other reasons...but I can't be bothered to find out. I don't know this person well, I don't know whether she's not into multi-dating or she's been kidnapped in Libya or whatever...

 

What I do know is that it took her 30 days to respond to a simple message. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why bother with one who takes a month to respond?

 

I've never had a guy not respond back once I finally did. Your loss.

I'm so happy for you

[Star Gazer]

It generally indicates lack of interest.

 

Why bother with one who takes a month to respond?

 

Why not? What's the harm?

 

How is she supposed to be sufficiently "interested in you" from a message from an OLD site? That, I don't get.

[BeholdtheMan]

Why not? What's the harm?

Personal principle

 

I don't lose anything by not replying because there are plenty of women out there, more than I could ever date.

 

Taking a month to reply is usually a sign of low interest. The content and tone of her message might be able to convince me otherwise.

[Michelle83]

No I wouldn't still be interested in her.

 

My initial reaction would be, it didn't work out with her and the other guys she actually did answer, so now she's going for a sure thing.

 

If you reject me for any reason (ignored message, wasn't into me initially, etc) you've made your choice.

 

Okay, so what's the best way to handle this then?

 

Send them a message to tell them I'm already seeing a few people and only feel comfortable dating a few guys at once?

 

That would still likely lead to them feeling rejected, no?

 

So if you have 15+ messages from guys in your inbox and 10 are people you would be interested in talking to to see if there's a connection, what should you do?

 

Talk to all 10 and then just vanish on the ones that don't seem to be the best... that seems even worse to me..

[BeholdtheMan]

Okay, so what's the best way to handle this then?

How about you just sincerely and honestly explain why you haven't replied in a month (you like to focus on a few people at once). I'm sure some of them will be OK with it and respond. Take it from there.

[Michelle83]

How about you just sincerely and honestly explain why you haven't replied in a month (you like to focus on a few people at once). I'm sure some of them will be OK with it and respond. Take it from there.

 

Yeah, that could definitely work. So better to do this after (when you contact them), then send them a message right away when they first send explaining what's happening?

[Star Gazer]

How about you just sincerely and honestly explain why you haven't replied in a month (you like to focus on a few people at once). I'm sure some of them will be OK with it and respond. Take it from there.

 

This is normally what I do. I apologize for the delay and BRIEFLY explain why. Like I said, it's never been an issue for me, and I suspect if you do the same, it won't be an issue for you either.

[Star Gazer]

Okay, so what's the best way to handle this then?

 

Send them a message to tell them I'm already seeing a few people and only feel comfortable dating a few guys at once?

 

That would still likely lead to them feeling rejected, no?

 

So if you have 15+ messages from guys in your inbox and 10 are people you would be interested in talking to to see if there's a connection, what should you do?

 

Talk to all 10 and then just vanish on the ones that don't seem to be the best... that seems even worse to me..

 

FWIW, I have responded to guys with something like, "I'm sorry, I just started seeing someone and I'm not one to multi-date" before. Some of them respond pretty nastily! Obviously, I'm not married yet so it didn't work out with the guy I'd put OLD on pause for, but in telling the other guys that I was already dating someone, I burned all those bridges such that when I tried to get back in contact with them, they wanted nothing to do with me!

 

But the guys I just ignored and later came back and said, "Hey sorry, I was caught up in another dating situation and didn't feel it was appropriate to respond to you while I saw where that went" we're very happy to hear from me.

 

YMMV.

[BeholdtheMan]

Yeah, that could definitely work. So better to do this after (when you contact them), then send them a message right away when they first send explaining what's happening?

Not quite sure what you mean

 

Do you mean you don't know whether to

1) explain the delay in your first message after a month

or

2) don't explain in your first message, wait for them to respond to your new message, then explain to those who respond?

 

I recommend choice 1. A guy will generally interpret a one month delay as a sign of low interest. If he isn't desperate, he might not respond because he doesn't think you're very interested. He doesn't want to be your "fallback guy". After all, we're looking for people who are very interested in us, not lukewarm.

 

You can prevent him from interpreting your delay that way by honestly explaining why you haven't responded in your late reply. As I understand it, it's not that you have low interest in these guys, it's that you didn't want to "date" too many guys at once and then you needed a break.

 

Some guys might even like your avoidance of multi-dating. It shows you like to focus on getting to know people better, rather than just "playing the field"

[MrCastle]

Funny how you take it as a rejection.

 

What if she simply doesn't multi-date, and you contacted her while she was busy with someone else?

 

Or she was out of the country?

 

Or not a subscribing/paying member?

 

I've never had a guy not respond back once I finally did. [/Quote]

 

Don't care what her reasoning is. If she was more into me she wouldn't have waited a month to get back to me, risking me finding someone else.

 

Your loss.

 

I lol'd

[Ripnet]

Why not? What's the harm?

 

How is she supposed to be sufficiently "interested in you" from a message from an OLD site? That, I don't get.

 

Are you kidding us? You need to be sufficently interested in dating someone even from OLD.

 

What I find is that many people on OLD are antisocial unless they are interested in dating you. A guy takes his time to message you, you should have the manners to reply even if you're not interested at the time or you can't date him because you're dating someone else and you only date one at a time. You do not even have to type that out every time you just save it on notepad and copy and paste when the situation arises.

 

It's nobody's loss since you both don't know each other. Besides the guy moved on by 30 days he's already asked out other women and probably dating someone else anyways.

 

You shouldn't expect a guy to stop dating a woman so he can just date you even if you're the most attractive woman on the site.

[BeholdtheMan]

Don't care what her reasoning is. If she was more into me she wouldn't have waited a month to get back to me, risking me finding someone else.

Yes, only a particularly sincere explanation could convince me otherwise

 

Something like "Yeah I've been busy, how are you doing?" ain't gonna fly

[sillyanswer]

So let's say you're doing online dating, you send a girl a message (this is mostly for the guys out there), she looks at your profile, but doesn't respond...

 

 

Then one month later, she does. Would you still be interested in her?

 

It depends who else I've met in the intervening time. Maybe she missed her chance! or maybe I'm still available.

 

Unless she explains the delay, I'll just assume she was dating others. That doesn't bother me because now she wants to date me (or, at least, she wants to write back... which I'm hoping will lead to a date).

[phineas]

So let's say you're doing online dating, you send a girl a message (this is mostly for the guys out there), she looks at your profile, but doesn't respond...

 

 

Then one month later, she does. Would you still be interested in her?

 

I'm going to fire up my Eharmony account soon I think and put a bit more effort into dating, but I can't really date/talk to more than a few people at once. It just stresses me out... but last time I was on, I got quite a few messages from guys i might be interested in meeting.

 

So just not sure how to best handle that. I don't want them to think I'm rejecting them entirely, but I just can't talk to many people at once.

 

This is how I look at it. So it doesn't hurt my feelings.

 

However, after month delay I better see more than "lol!" as a response when I send you something funny & you better ask me some questions as i'll be doing the same.

 

If I see no effort but instead see the all too common "entertain me" BS I lose interest.

[ltjg45]

If they're offended, that's their problem and their loss. Some people on OLD sites expect waaaaaay too much from literal, virtual strangers.

 

A month is a pretty long time.

 

I can understand a day or two or even a week max but if it takes a month from when the guy sends out the message for you to respond, I would be wary about it.

 

If any woman was truly interested in a guy enough to actually want to respond back to him in hopes of an possible relationship, she wouldn't waste a month before doing so.

 

I'm sorry but that is a clear lack of interest and then possibly using him as a rebound.

[ltjg45]

Okay, so what's the best way to handle this then?

 

Send them a message to tell them I'm already seeing a few people and only feel comfortable dating a few guys at once?

 

That would still likely lead to them feeling rejected, no?

 

I rather have that just so I know that you have interest in me but I'm in a line. This way, I know where I stand with you.

 

The other way would leave me in the dark, confused, and then I move on. If you were to respond back in a month, I would be questioning your motives.

 

Double standards, ahoy. If I were to do the same thing (wait a month before I respond to a female's response), I would be ripped to shreds here but yet it is fine if the roles has been reversed.

 

So if you have 15+ messages from guys in your inbox and 10 are people you would be interested in talking to to see if there's a connection, what should you do?

 

Talk to all 10 and then just vanish on the ones that don't seem to be the best... that seems even worse to me..

 

Just tell the ones that you have interest in that you are multi-dating and there is some guys that is ahead of your interest list and then she will get back with you.

 

Is it cold for the males on the bottom of the list to hear that? Yeah. However, you are telling the truth and you are letting them know that you still have interest in them but she will get back with them at a later date.

 

So when you do respond back, they would be expecting it. They aren't confused or dumbfounded by your random response one month later.

 

I rather have that then to be left in the dark. By the time you do respond back, I most likely have moved on.

[Star Gazer]

Don't care what her reasoning is. If she was more into me she wouldn't have waited a month to get back to me, risking me finding someone else.

 

Serious question. How can ANYONE be "more into" someone that they simply received an OLD message from? They haven't exchanged emails even. How can she be "into" you? Really. Explain that.

 

Are you "into" women who you've never even exchanged a word?? That's crazy talk!

[Star Gazer]

Are you kidding us? You need to be sufficently interested in dating someone even from OLD.

 

Yes, you need to be sufficiently interested in dating a PARTICULAR person to actually DATE them.

 

My question was, how the heck can I be sufficiently interested in a person I've never exchanged a message with? Who's only sent me a message? Are you kidding ME?

 

A guy takes his time to message you, you should have the manners to reply even if you're not interested at the time or you can't date him because you're dating someone else and you only date one at a time. You do not even have to type that out every time you just save it on notepad and copy and paste when the situation arises.

 

This is a subject for another thread, but there's no way I'm going to respond to every single OLD message I get, regardless of the circumstances, and especially when over half the messages I get are a mere, "Hi. How are you?" or "Hey gorgeous, wassup?"