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dating when something is holding you back


Krieger

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Um I meant to say dating when something is holding you back. I been up since 1am this morning and trying to type fast = fail on my part.

 

 

I have been doing some soul searching and I had an epiphany on what and why I have yet to have a long term relationship. On top of what is holding me back from asking out girls I like or getting close to a girl before asking her out. It is all so clear to me now It’s not that I not BF material or there is something wrong with me.

 

 

I just can’t get over the fact that I do not have it all together and I am 29 years old. Sure I have a job, do not make much $19.00 an hour will not feed a family of 3, 4, 5, and so on. I have a car and my own place but just getting by the skin of my teeth. I do not do anything for fun because I cannot afford to do so. Also I do not have any close guy friends anymore they are all strung on drugs out and have not talk to them in 2 years or so. Making new friends is hard as one gets older most people I know from high school moved or have a family now.

 

 

As for my job it is NOT challenging or rewarding and a cave man can do it. There is no wear to move up in this company unless you want to sale your soul for a few more hundred dollars. I need to break the family trend of workaholics and working two jobs for lame pay and no family life. My dad worked 14-16 hour days 6-7 days a week growing up and I never got to have that father son bonding relationship. Do you know I never played catch with my dad? It is a great feeling to see everyone else’s dad cheer them on when I played sports just one it would have been nice to hear keep going so you can do it .

 

 

Well I am 29 and feel like I am not successful at all. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure. I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. That being said I been taking class at a community college and get my PER-NURSING Associate of Applied Science Degree and then transfer over to a four year college to get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing.

 

 

I want a career that matters and that gives back I wanted to help people in their time of need and vulnerability. Since I have a passion for helping others and I am caring, empathetic, intuitive, emotionally mature, self-aware, open-minded, and patient.

 

 

Now that giving this college thing all I got still taking prerequisites got to get good grades. So now it is a good time to meet people and woman and get back in the dating game.

 

 

Girls have always told me if I want a GF all I have to do is ask.

 

 

So what is stopping me you ask? It is the constant feeling of never being good enough. There are all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. The main thing is if I got into a relationship now I worry if let’s say I knock her up and she having my kid I do not have my stuff together and I have to quit college to take two jobs 60-80 hours a week seeing I have a kid to feed . I would not care if she had a job and made money I would need to step my game up so I can give my child everything. I will drive myself mad with that and still will feel like I am a loser if I can’t be the dad I want to be.

 

On the other hand it might make me 1000x more driven to get college done and I give up sleep to get college done faster. I would uses it as fuel in the sense that I want my kids to be proud of me, and if I'm not good at what I do, and if I'm not trying my hardest at what I do, then all this **** I'm putting them through because of my demons has been a waste. The very least I can do for them would to be the best dad I can. That might help me feel like, "OK, take your **** more seriously. Don't just throw away study time. Don't let the days go by without having done any work. I could not help but feel what they need from me is to be relatively content and to be there for them, knowing I can't torture myself over this stuff. But I would anyways.

 

 

I just have this picture perfect image of how I want my life to go. I want to have a GF/wife a few kids a dog and live in a nice house on the hill. Also money in the bank and an extra house to rent out to make extra income that we will need to send our kids to college. Do things as a family and be hands on dad and make every game, dance recital or whatever event my kids are involved in. Take my wife out on dates and spend time together seeing that she most likely be my best friend.

 

 

I can’t for whatever reason just work my dead end job and be happy. A lot of it is fear of the future. Do I want to be a 75-year-old man, working retail no kids no wife only 13 cats just waiting to die.

 

 

So how do I get back in the dating game now that I know what stooping me?

Yea sorry I wrote a lot this time I just needed to get it all out of my head lol.

Edited by Krieger
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I think it would really benefit you to not date and work on getting out of your dead end job (btw, I make slightly more than you and I have a Masters degree...I work in an underpaid field, so I feel your pain I have little money left over after bills are paid) If you were to get into a relationship, this would drag you down. From what I have observed, guys who have financial struggles and feel badly about it it transfers into their romantic relationships. I wouldnt say you are not boyfriend material, just you dont have what it takes right now to really be able to dedicate energy/time/whatever to a relationship.

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ComeUpOutDaWahta

You just gotta relax man. Every man (or person) on this planet could evaluate their life as being an utter failure. You have to really look on the bright side. You don't have any kids to deal with, you're independent, and you've got a pretty decent head on your shoulders. You're ambitious, so you'll be moving onward and upward given enough time.

 

Do you live your life between strictly home and work? I know you have weekends, or at least some sort of free time. Your friends may be strung out deadbeats, but haul them out for a few nights every couple weeks just so you're not hanging out by yourself. Don't go out expecting to meet the love of your life... just go out to have some fun. Get shwasted, feel good. You're still getting your life on track, so the last thing you need to do is put more pressure on yourself with the expectation of meeting the perfect girl. Take the pressure off man, you'll be better off for it.

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Chill out man. You are in school for a nursing degree. You are going somewhere. You are not being held back you are focused on moving forward. I am going to put the obligatory "Focus on school don't date, nursing school is hard enough by itself" line. HOWEVER, you are in a female gold mine. What is the opposite term for 'Sausage Fest'. Yea that's what nursing school is. You can cultivate friendships/more by studying in groups with these women. My sister lives with me and is in school. One of my observations is that they LOVE getting together to study and drink sickening sweet white wine.

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I think it would really benefit you to not date and work on getting out of your dead end job (btw, I make slightly more than you and I have a Masters degree...I work in an underpaid field, so I feel your pain I have little money left over after bills are paid) If you were to get into a relationship, this would drag you down. From what I have observed, guys who have financial struggles and feel badly about it it transfers into their romantic relationships. I wouldnt say you are not boyfriend material, just you dont have what it takes right now to really be able to dedicate energy/time/whatever to a relationship.

 

on top that i have to get good grades and i have to work harder then most to get them.

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You just gotta relax man. Every man (or person) on this planet could evaluate their life as being an utter failure. You have to really look on the bright side. You don't have any kids to deal with, you're independent, and you've got a pretty decent head on your shoulders. You're ambitious, so you'll be moving onward and upward given enough time.

 

Do you live your life between strictly home and work? I know you have weekends, or at least some sort of free time. Your friends may be strung out deadbeats, but haul them out for a few nights every couple weeks just so you're not hanging out by yourself. Don't go out expecting to meet the love of your life... just go out to have some fun. Get shwasted, feel good. You're still getting your life on track, so the last thing you need to do is put more pressure on yourself with the expectation of meeting the perfect girl. Take the pressure off man, you'll be better off for it.

 

 

I do not drink that much anymore because I get blackout drunk and do not recall things that I have done. Also I use to drink way to much when I had a roommate we drink 1/2 gallon of hard alcohol ever day and 1/2 so yea it got that bad.

 

I have not talk to any of my friends in over a year all they wanted to do was borrow money and never wanted to do anything other then chase the white rabbit.

 

All I do is work ,study and go to class trying to make new friends .

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I'm in the same position as you at least you have a stable job while mines is off and on I'm 3 years younger than you but not much. I'm graduating this spring, and I cannot wait until I get that degree.

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chelsea2011

Totally understand where you are coming from Kreiger because I'm in the same spot right now. And guess what? I'm a lot older than you...lol. we all go through this at one time or another and the best thing to do is to just use it to your advantage and allow yourself to learn about you and what you truly enjoy and what you don't. Use the opportunity to go out do things that you always thought about doing but didn't. It's fun and it helps builds character.

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mortensorchid

You sound like someone I knew a long time ago. He was insecure, constantly crying about his failed relationship past. And he was always whining that I was going to dump him someday and he'd be hurt. I assured him it was not going to happen. Instead, he dumped ME (via email I might add because he didn't have the balls to tell me even over the phone) so his misery would come true. Today he's been married to someone for the last 10 years or so to a woman he met almost immediately after me. This information has left me all the more bitter, but I would have missed out on a lot of things had I actually stayed with his miserable ass.

 

Your reasons are bad. Next time a woman comes along, don't reject her (if you have been doing so) just because of your own insecurities. She could be a wonderful woman. Don't go for trashy and obnoxious because they are easier to handle or carry out your own failure you have written for yourself. That's what I see around me all the time, especially after they have been with someone who has a lot to offer.

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You sound very focused on your goals and creating a better life yourself. That is fantastic.

 

I would look at it as a short-term pain, long-term gain thing. You will not be a woman-less old man. Of that I am sure.

 

You sound a bit lonely. Do you have any time for hobbies or sports? I know it gets harder to make friends as you get older, but it can be really important to keep you grounded.

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You sound like someone I knew a long time ago. He was insecure, constantly crying about his failed relationship past. And he was always whining that I was going to dump him someday and he'd be hurt. I assured him it was not going to happen. Instead, he dumped ME (via email I might add because he didn't have the balls to tell me even over the phone) so his misery would come true. Today he's been married to someone for the last 10 years or so to a woman he met almost immediately after me. This information has left me all the more bitter, but I would have missed out on a lot of things had I actually stayed with his miserable ass.

 

Your reasons are bad. Next time a woman comes along, don't reject her (if you have been doing so) just because of your own insecurities. She could be a wonderful woman. Don't go for trashy and obnoxious because they are easier to handle or carry out your own failure you have written for yourself. That's what I see around me all the time, especially after they have been with someone who has a lot to offer.

 

 

I know I need to relax but i want to have something to offer a girl other then my love . I cant just wake up in the morning and be like life it beautiful and go to my dead end job knowing i never go any wear in life just doing this dead end job.

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You sound very focused on your goals and creating a better life yourself. That is fantastic.

 

I would look at it as a short-term pain, long-term gain thing. You will not be a woman-less old man. Of that I am sure.

 

You sound a bit lonely. Do you have any time for hobbies or sports? I know it gets harder to make friends as you get older, but it can be really important to keep you grounded.

 

I am trying to make friends but it hard some times. Yea it would be nice not to be so lonely and it sucks some times . It to the point that if i did find a great girl and we dated and fell in love I might cry a few tears just because I found some one that loves me for me LOL. I just hope she does not think i am to sensitive and dump me . :laugh:

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outsidethebox

cracking me up that people here go on about girls on OLD just wanting their egos stroked.

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Buttercup84
Um I meant to say dating when something is holding you back. I been up since 1am this morning and trying to type fast = fail on my part.

 

 

I have been doing some soul searching and I had an epiphany on what and why I have yet to have a long term relationship. On top of what is holding me back from asking out girls I like or getting close to a girl before asking her out. It is all so clear to me now It’s not that I not BF material or there is something wrong with me.

 

 

I just can’t get over the fact that I do not have it all together and I am 29 years old. Sure I have a job, do not make much $19.00 an hour will not feed a family of 3, 4, 5, and so on. I have a car and my own place but just getting by the skin of my teeth. I do not do anything for fun because I cannot afford to do so. Also I do not have any close guy friends anymore they are all strung on drugs out and have not talk to them in 2 years or so. Making new friends is hard as one gets older most people I know from high school moved or have a family now.

 

 

As for my job it is NOT challenging or rewarding and a cave man can do it. There is no wear to move up in this company unless you want to sale your soul for a few more hundred dollars. I need to break the family trend of workaholics and working two jobs for lame pay and no family life. My dad worked 14-16 hour days 6-7 days a week growing up and I never got to have that father son bonding relationship. Do you know I never played catch with my dad? It is a great feeling to see everyone else’s dad cheer them on when I played sports just one it would have been nice to hear keep going so you can do it .

 

 

Well I am 29 and feel like I am not successful at all. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure. I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. That being said I been taking class at a community college and get my PER-NURSING Associate of Applied Science Degree and then transfer over to a four year college to get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing.

 

 

I want a career that matters and that gives back I wanted to help people in their time of need and vulnerability. Since I have a passion for helping others and I am caring, empathetic, intuitive, emotionally mature, self-aware, open-minded, and patient.

 

 

Now that giving this college thing all I got still taking prerequisites got to get good grades. So now it is a good time to meet people and woman and get back in the dating game.

 

 

Girls have always told me if I want a GF all I have to do is ask.

 

 

So what is stopping me you ask? It is the constant feeling of never being good enough. There are all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. The main thing is if I got into a relationship now I worry if let’s say I knock her up and she having my kid I do not have my stuff together and I have to quit college to take two jobs 60-80 hours a week seeing I have a kid to feed . I would not care if she had a job and made money I would need to step my game up so I can give my child everything. I will drive myself mad with that and still will feel like I am a loser if I can’t be the dad I want to be.

 

On the other hand it might make me 1000x more driven to get college done and I give up sleep to get college done faster. I would uses it as fuel in the sense that I want my kids to be proud of me, and if I'm not good at what I do, and if I'm not trying my hardest at what I do, then all this **** I'm putting them through because of my demons has been a waste. The very least I can do for them would to be the best dad I can. That might help me feel like, "OK, take your **** more seriously. Don't just throw away study time. Don't let the days go by without having done any work. I could not help but feel what they need from me is to be relatively content and to be there for them, knowing I can't torture myself over this stuff. But I would anyways.

 

 

I just have this picture perfect image of how I want my life to go. I want to have a GF/wife a few kids a dog and live in a nice house on the hill. Also money in the bank and an extra house to rent out to make extra income that we will need to send our kids to college. Do things as a family and be hands on dad and make every game, dance recital or whatever event my kids are involved in. Take my wife out on dates and spend time together seeing that she most likely be my best friend.

 

 

I can’t for whatever reason just work my dead end job and be happy. A lot of it is fear of the future. Do I want to be a 75-year-old man, working retail no kids no wife only 13 cats just waiting to die.

 

 

So how do I get back in the dating game now that I know what stooping me?

Yea sorry I wrote a lot this time I just needed to get it all out of my head lol.

 

Do you live in Australia ? I will date you ! Hehe.

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outsidethebox

Kreiger, maybe you're on to something here. That's a better offer than I ever got.

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If it makes any difference, you've selected an excellent career path since nursing is in major demand and will continue to be, for many decades to come.

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Wow, this is sad..... Specially the part about your dad

Hey, I like your ambition and logical thinking

You are still young, nursing need high grades, dating would make you lose

Focus

But hey, aren't there any nice girl at college for you to date or even go out with?

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I just remembered something , doctors ....nurses ....hospitals!

Come on, they fall for each other there ,,,,,,wait until you work at the hospital

Your life will change then....

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