BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Hi, I'm new here and registered to try to get advice about a situation. Early January, I went on a date with a guy I met online, who I instantly liked, and with whom I seem to be a perfect match "on paper", in interests, background etc. At the time, he seemed pretty into me, didn't want to end the date, touched me on the arm constantly etc. Next few days, followed up with daily emails, then completely vanished after about four days of emailing. I let him go. Fast forward early March, he shows up again, I was on a trip at the time. He starts to email about sex pretty quickly, how important it is for him etc etc. I made it clear I'm not interested in a FWB situation. He changes the tune to 180 degrees, sex is important, but he wants a relationship blah blah. Longer email story short, we ended up having a great 6h date, out of town, movie, dinner, car ride (1h one way), some emotional connection and opening up on his side, left both feeling we wanted more, longer lingering hug at the end. Next day, he emails that he had a great time and we should plan another field trip, I should organize it. Told him I'll let him know about the plans for the following Friday in a few days, but in 2 days he tells me that he doesn't have a babysitter for this Friday (single dad, sole custody) and could we do it the following Friday? Told him I'm out of town, but why don't we get a quick coffee during the week before my trip, instead of the long 6h date during the weekend, we could do the long one after I return. He suprisingly says he is ready to kiss and touch me and proposes to meet for coffee at his or my place Tu morning, promises no sex, just kissing and touching. Came to my house, kissing and touching took place, both got pretty worked up and he stopped twice, as promised. Stayed at my place for a total of 2hr. After that I made the mistake to email him that I had a great time, and sorry I was a bit shy. He responded thanks, you are not shy, hope you have a good day. Then I emailed him "do you want to play the game we talked about --we were joking about something- via email instead of in person?". He did not reply to that since Tu, after the third date/make out session. It's Friday now, he knows I'm going out of town on Sunday for the next week. Does it mean he'll fade out again like the first time? When I come back in town, do I email him to tell him I'm back or let him contact me (or not). Have I been dumped? And why? Is this all lost? As a woman, given that I met about 20 men and this one seems the best match so far, I'd be kinda sad to lose him again. Is he just after sex and dumped me for not getting it? Link to post Share on other sites
pyramid Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Yikes. I'd stay far away from this guy!!! Unfortunately it sounds like you are his backup plan when he's bored/lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Why did he disappear for two months? My personal take on a guy who disappears without explanation then reappears out of the blue, is that he's not that interested in the woman. That means, she's not relationship material in his eyes. Just an option to tide him over when nothing else pans out. Add in that he comes back focused on sex, and only when definitively shot down on the casual sex front does he trot out the "I want a relationship" card, and the prospects for a relationship are dismal in my book. Throw in that he doesn't call, just sends emails when he wants... Need I go on with the red flags I see? Expect abrupt flakiness and repeated disappointment if you proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks a lot!! Outside perspective clarifies it for me. I'm sad, really really liked him, 100% my type, but I'll let him go, and emotionally bounce back. If he comes back, I'll refuse to go out again. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Ugh, another meh/bad 20 first dates until I find someone I remotely like Gonna die alone:laugh: Thanks again, hard to find someone willing to listen to my dating dilemmas without being bored out of their minds:laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 You really can't tell that all this guy wants is sex? he wouldn't even meet for coffee unless it was in one of your homes! Of course he is disappearing when that didn't turn into sex! He sounds like a pig Any guy who talks about sex so early on........in your case after ONE DATE AND TWO MONTHS OF SILENCE........is just looking for sex!!! It doesn't matter that he changed his tune after you said that's not what you want, clearly he was saying that just to try to get in your pants and you actually then went on a date with him. He thought he was golden with his "coffee" idea. You'll never hear from him again unless he tries to booty call you at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 Alright, Ima cry for 1h over losing the fantasy in my head. Thanks for the straight warning and shaking me to reality. It's easy to let go of bad guys when you are not attracted to them, but harder when you are. But I let him go once, I'll let him go for good this time. No booty comeh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 And I have two dates tomorrow, one at 5 and one at 7. So, not gonna stay home alone to cry. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks a lot!! Outside perspective clarifies it for me. I'm sad, really really liked him, 100% my type, but I'll let him go, and emotionally bounce back. If he comes back, I'll refuse to go out again. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Ugh, another meh/bad 20 first dates until I find someone I remotely like Gonna die alone:laugh: Thanks again, hard to find someone willing to listen to my dating dilemmas without being bored out of their minds:laugh: Don't go collecting cats just yet! We all go through the merry-go-round. In among all the frogs will be someone worthwhile! Just keep putting yourself out there and dating. Maybe tomorrow will be your lucky day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 Most likely will not be my lucky day, statistically. But I've been dating only for 3 months. I'm emotionally (and almost physically too from being busy going out all the time) worn out, how can people do this for years??? I'll do it this year, don't think I can go on more than one year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted March 29, 2013 Author Share Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) Of course it's my fault, I know that. Glad at least didn't sleep with him... And thanks all for shaking me, I might have continued after returning to town. Edited March 29, 2013 by BluEyeL Link to post Share on other sites
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