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What is the cause of GIGS?


Star Gazer

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Just what the question asks.

 

Some people find someone great, and they're able to focus without even trying. Others find someone great, and they think, "Oooh, I bet there's even better out there!" and run off to try and find it.

 

What do you think makes someone more likely to do the latter?

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1. Online dating for one. Now you have thousands of available women or men in the comfort of your home by simply going online and goring from profile/pic to profile. Easier and much quicker access to potential mates.

2. The deterioration of the traditional family structure and what it entails. The difficulties in maintaining them, so many do not work out. So many more single people out there.

3. Societal stress and pressure to make the right choice from so many choices.

 

Take a look at this video. Great explanation: Barry Schwartz: The paradox of choice | Video on TED.com

 

4. People are not as committed it would seem. Again, see #1-3.

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curlygirl40

I have thought a lot about this myself and here's what I came up with. Interesting topic, interested to see what others think.

 

Maturity/lack of maturity: When you've been around the block a time or two, you learn to recognize a good thing when you see it and you're less likely to let it go once you have it once you know how rare it is.

 

Not being ready/afraid of committment: I think when people are not ready to settle down, they use what I always call the BBD (bigger, better deal) as an excuse to keep looking. They might find someone who is perfect for them and instead of just settling in and getting to know this person they run because they're afraid. They convince themselves there must be something better and they'll give up their freedom when they find it.

 

Having too many choices: I see this with friends of mine who have a lot of options. For one, they like variety. For another, they don't worry about losing a great person because they feel the next best thing could be right around the corner.

 

Insecurity: They might have someone who is great for them but continue to look. Having other people stroke their ego is great for their self esteem, and they don't want to let that go.

 

That's what I've come up with. I wonder about this too. I think OLD has created this atmosphere where sometimes people think someone better is just a mouse click away.

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Just what the question asks.

 

Some people find someone great, and they're able to focus without even trying. Others find someone great, and they think, "Oooh, I bet there's even better out there!" and run off to try and find it.

 

What do you think makes someone more likely to do the latter?

 

Probably the very same people who can't stay in a relationship for long.

 

I don't know. I feel like, for each of us, only so many special people will come into our lives. It would be rather sad to cast them aside in the hopes of upgrading to something else.

 

I feel like if one is of that mentality, they're better off just staying single. Then they can do what they choose, without dragging anyone else down.

 

Trying to upgrade all the time seems like a rather tiresome, and ultimately lonely thing to do.

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  1. Ever-shortening attention spans.
  2. Ever-increasing narcissism.
  3. Too many options.
  4. Too much idle time.
  5. Lack of real purpose or goals in life in general.

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Ruby Slippers

I think it comes down to the person's nature.

 

I never once got the impression that my last boyfriend was looking around. He's a serious, focused guy who wants something real with one person.

 

The guy before him was always looking around, and toward the end of the relationship admitted he'd always been like that.

 

With hindsight, I realize that both guys revealed their nature very quickly. Now I know better how to identify the second type and avoid them.

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1. Online dating for one. Now you have thousands of available women or men in the comfort of your home by simply going online and goring from profile/pic to profile. Easier and much quicker access to potential mates.

 

...

 

Take a look at this video. Great explanation: Barry Schwartz: The paradox of choice | Video on TED.com

 

I think the paradox of choice combined with online dating is pretty much it, from what I've observed. Every single person I know who "suffers" from GIGS is a frequent online-dater.

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Though fictional, IMO Michael Douglas provided, in the movie 'Wall Street', a fitting assertion for phenomena such as GIGS. The mindset/socialization/perspective permeates nearly all aspects of modern societal/cultural/business/political interactions and associations.

 

"The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, <for> knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind"

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It is that simple. Getting dumped is usually cus the person feels they can get someone better for them. It is what it is. Those people end up screwing themselves out of a good mate a decent portion of the time.

 

All I know is, that if I have a good woman who makes me happy, Im not interested in an "upgrade".

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All I know is, that if I have a good woman who makes me happy, Im not interested in an "upgrade".

 

Right.

 

But what makes someone act the other way?

 

It almost seems like there's a very clear either/or with this: either someone sticks with someone they're happy with, or they go to the other end of the spectrum and just bounce, looking for the BBD.

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Ruby Slippers
I think the paradox of choice combined with online dating is pretty much it, from what I've observed. Every single person I know who "suffers" from GIGS is a frequent online-dater.

My GIGS-iest ex never did online dating.

 

But I agree it's the perfect playground for the type.

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It is that simple. Getting dumped is usually cus the person feels they can get someone better for them. It is what it is. Those people end up screwing themselves out of a good mate a decent portion of the time.

 

All I know is, that if I have a good woman who makes me happy, Im not interested in an "upgrade".

 

So true and....so "should" be true.

 

The video talks about how we have so many choices that we are often burdened by the thought that we could have made a better choice b/c there are so many options. So, for people today, in regards to dating as well, we find ourselves second-guessing our current choice and not feeling satisfied by it, so we itch for what the next possibility may be....sad, but true.

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Right.

 

But what makes someone act the other way?

 

It almost seems like there's a very clear either/or with this: either someone sticks with someone they're happy with, or they go to the other end of the spectrum and just bounce, looking for the BBD.

 

There are a number of reasons already spelled out in the posts on this thread. All it really takes is one, although most people with GIGS have a lot of these traits.

 

There is a gray area though, sometimes people might be in a satisfying relationship and someone comes along purely out of circumstance and coincidence that knocks their socks off. That's a little bit different than GIGS though I guess, since neither party may be actively looking for someone.

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My GIGS-iest ex never did online dating.

 

But I agree it's the perfect playground for the type.

 

Yes, OLD is rampant with GIGs seduced daters, but the old fashion way has its problems with it as well. "Hooking-up" is easier, still more singles to meet, consider and "test-out." The world is a much smaller place with all the technological conveniences and methods of communication that OFW is not immune to GIGs.

 

Again, I also believe that there are greater and more frequent societal stressors in our lives that contribute to it, not just the technology.

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I guess a corollary is, what makes someone not inclined "suffer" from GIGS?

 

With all the options available to me (and there are many), why don't I tend to look for the BBD? Why, when I find someone great, do I choose to focus on him (whether in a relationship or just the beginning stages)?

 

Are both ways equally bad?

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Ruby Slippers
But what makes someone act the other way?

Haven't credible studies identified a genetic predisposition toward monogamy and empathy?

 

Some people are just naturally more inclined to long-term monogamous commitment than others. I've always been that way myself.

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A couple of possibilities:

  • Attachment or intimacy issues where they pursue people who are out of reach since it puts them in control of the pace with no need to fear the subsequent responsibilities associated to the reciprocating nature of a loving, mature relationship.
  • Insecurity and self-esteem issues, in the challenge to obtain the trophy/object of their focus. They perceive the object as a reflection of their own prowess.

To summarize, they're selfish and self-centered, dehumanizing partners.

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I guess a corollary is, what makes someone not inclined "suffer" from GIGS?

 

With all the options available to me (and there are many), why don't I tend to look for the BBD? Why, when I find someone great, do I choose to focus on him (whether in a relationship or just the beginning stages)?

 

Are both ways equally bad?

 

I think if you are serious about building a relationship you are less likely to have GIGS. Some people just never seem to develop that characteristic I suppose.

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