lovehurts5 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Sooo boyfriend of 3 months has many MANY girl friends. Whenever I have a worry he tells me that i'm being insecure. That seems to be his key line for anything I get uncomfortable with. So of course I go on Facebook (drama) this morning and there's this girl who's always commenting on his stuff and the other day apparently she said i'm so jealous of your girlfriend. Well I saw she liked all 3 of his statuses last night and so curiosity got the best of me and he's ALL over her page. Including a picture from Saturday night where they were dancing face to face. If a stranger were to look at this picture they'd think the 2 of them were dating. He had told me the other night when he went out that it was just him and his one male friend, not all these other people too. The picture is very intimate looking and their faces are extremely close. Too close for comfort. So I was wondering... how should I go about saying how this makes me uncomfortable and how it's not ok. I know he's going to be like it's your insecurity it's nothing. but to me it's something. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Exactly as you say. Tell him, it makes you feel uncomfortable: it crosses that comfort zone; and that he wouldn't like it,if you did the samething. He should be understanding, but won't be... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JennaMax Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Reading your post...he's made it clear that he thinks you're the issue and not him and his many girlfriends. I'd quite frankly would cut off the relationship now rather than later because I can guarantee you that he won't change and the catchphrase "you're being insecure" will be a recurring one he will use on and on. Don't be a back-up girl;) Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Stay away from men who have a ****load of female friends. There are a few individual exceptions but I find men that have mostly female friends to have huge egos and are attention whores. Most of the ones I know with a ton of female friends do the same stuff as your boyfriend...they have a poor sense of boundaries. Interesting, because I remember you saying this in another thread: I just get annoyed with double standards in dating. If men are going to say its not cool I have male friends, then it aint cool you have female friends. You said the above as if you didn't already think men having a boatload of female friends are men to stay away from. You talk about the "double standard", even when you practice the same on your side of the fence. You took a guy to task for saying women with all male friends throws up a red flag, when you think the VERY SAME THING when the gender roles are reversed. Hey, I agree. I think when men AND women surround themselves with friends of the opposite sex, it throws up a red flag. I completely agree. But please, don't make statements like in the second quote when you have proven, using yourself as an example, that it happens on both sides of the fence. I would have fully understood if you had replied to the guy saying it is a red flag for women to have mostly male friends saying something like "yes, it does throw up a red flag, just like when it happens with men and too many female friends". I'd be liking your post in a case like that. Link to post Share on other sites
divorceddad Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I agree with what everyone else has told you. Move on, the guy is either a player or a master manipulator, either way get out while you can Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 How do I practice a double standard exactly? Most of my friends are GIRLS. I have a few male friends but the vast majority of girls. Not talking about how many of your friends are "girls". Talking about the fact that you act appalled when a man says a woman who has mostly female friends throws up a red flag, when you yourself say the same thing about men with mostly female friends. Its a double standard in your line of thinking, and hypocrisy. That post was to call the men out in that thread on their BULL**** since they were insinuating its ok for them to have mostly female friends but not okay for a girl (the OP) to have mostly male friends. I hate double standards Uh, but you yourself have the same view with the genders reversed. And nobody in that thread was saying it was ok. Just saying it happens. And what you took to task happens on both sides of the gender fence. You do realize some people present LOGICAL ARGUMENTS right? Sure, and logical arguments can have the element of hypocrisy as well. Just saying, don't take a man to task for saying the same thing you just said yourself here with the gender roles reversed. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 He had told me the other night when he went out that it was just him and his one male friend, not all these other people too. The picture is very intimate looking and their faces are extremely close. Too close for comfort. So I was wondering... how should I go about saying how this makes me uncomfortable and how it's not ok. I know he's going to be like it's your insecurity it's nothing. but to me it's something. Thoughts? Uh... how about just saying that he lied by omission and that his relationship with this girl is clearly unacceptable. If he tries to flip it back on you... then I really think you should consider dumping him. What a douche. Stay away from men who have a ****load of female friends. There are a few individual exceptions but I find men that have mostly female friends to have huge egos and are attention whores. Most of the ones I know with a ton of female friends do the same stuff as your boyfriend...they have a poor sense of boundaries. Eh... I really don't like blanket stereotypes like this. Sure... attention whores of any gender suck to date, but they tend to be easy to spot. I will say the vast majority of guys who have tons of female friends are either gay or players. On the flip side... I was one of those guys in college that had tons of female friends, but kept very appropriate boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Eh... I really don't like blanket stereotypes like this. Sure... attention whores of any gender suck to date, Indeed, and spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
AlisaMarie Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Sooo boyfriend of 3 months has many MANY girl friends. Whenever I have a worry he tells me that i'm being insecure. That seems to be his key line for anything I get uncomfortable with. So of course I go on Facebook (drama) this morning and there's this girl who's always commenting on his stuff and the other day apparently she said i'm so jealous of your girlfriend. Well I saw she liked all 3 of his statuses last night and so curiosity got the best of me and he's ALL over her page. Including a picture from Saturday night where they were dancing face to face. If a stranger were to look at this picture they'd think the 2 of them were dating. He had told me the other night when he went out that it was just him and his one male friend, not all these other people too. The picture is very intimate looking and their faces are extremely close. Too close for comfort. So I was wondering... how should I go about saying how this makes me uncomfortable and how it's not ok. I know he's going to be like it's your insecurity it's nothing. but to me it's something. Thoughts? AHHHHHH I am living through this NOW!!!!! Same thing, soooo many girl "friends" and the are all goo goo and gah gah over face book. Some are girls that were in his life before me, and some are new!!! He lies and said it's guys- but then fb (like you said) DRAMA shows me otherwise. It's soooo frustrating because you don't want to be controlling, but nobody in their right mind would be okay with all of that (and the lies). Oh, mine is still single on FB too- after a year. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 like todd said you should be honest with him ...i think your concern is justified, if he truly cares about you he will do something,if he doesnt then he isnt being considerate, if he gets defensive and or aggressive over it and twist it back onto you saying you are being insecure...thats a red flag flying.......you deserve to feel secure in any relationship you have......as he does....so make sure that you do feel secure dont let insecurity bide its time until it snowballs into an argument where you lose sight of what you really want and need to feel in a relationship.have the talk when you are calm and rational..best wishes..deb Link to post Share on other sites
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