ARDriver01 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) My best friend is in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. She's jealous of his time, condescending over his career, calls and texts incessantly; angry, yelling kinda calls. He can't hang out with us, when he does, she keeps calling texting. He gave me his phone to text her an address and it was like: blink! Blink! Blink! Blink! "Hello?!" "Call me now" etc... She's a 35 year old skinny eating disorder therapist. She conveniently "allergic" to everything that tastes good. She says she wants children soon and that my friend is not where he needs to be in his career. My friend is wasting away physically and mentally. He tells me he's happy. I asked. He says she's the love of his life. He blames himself for her angry behavior. I think that he has idolized a very destructive girl and in his male stubbornness, has convinced himself that he must endure this. It's making me extremely sad. He wants to marry her. I was married to a bpd who abused me and it took her cheating on me twice to wake the eff up. Needless to say, I'm very afraid he's going to ruin his life. Ideas on how I should approach him? All of our friends are to afraid or apathetic to say anything to him. Edited March 5, 2013 by ARDriver01 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I just posted this site in another thread: Relationship Stages, Abusive Women and the WTF Moment, Part One | Shrink4Men There's also Susan Forward"s book, "Emtional Blackmail". Hope it might help. Link to post Share on other sites
ls32ssibm Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Try not to let it ruin your life too. You need to realize you can't save people from themselves. Chances are she will not come around until she wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Your friend wont believe you, he thinks hes special and different. He's got to learn for himself the hard way. It's the same way with people on these forums, we can give them a map and show them the shortest possible route to get from point A to point B but they want and need to experience the journey and misery of going from point A to D to C to Z to Y to X and exhaust all other possible routes to get to point B I was dating a loser and I asked one of my friends why he didnt tell me she was cheating on me, he responded, you wouldnt have believed me or done anything about it if I told you, sure enough looking back, he was right Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yeah you really can't do much in this situation. One of my best friends was in a similar one, with a girl that was pretty much taking him away from his friends. Whenever we'd meet up at a bar (for years) her friends always stayed the same. The same 4 girls. His group of friends always changed. It was either kids from school, kids from work. It was never the same group. He was losing all of his close friends. I dealt with her for 7 years, thinking once it came to an end he would have no one to lean on and I'd be there to say "I told you so", but when it eventually did end, I was right there to help him through it. There was no moral victory for me knowing I was right, I was actually hurting for my friend. He had planned to marry this girl. Had I said anything at all during their relationship it would have ended our already fading relationship. I kept quiet until they broke up and I was there to be part of his support group. Link to post Share on other sites
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