Serious Post-Date Anxiety

[quartz88]

I'm hoping someone can weigh in. I'm productive, confident, and successful enough in my day-to-day life and don't have issues talking to people when first meeting them, but all of that goes out the window once there's any chance that someone might like me back.

 

It's like there's a massive "switch" that happens, in which I end up more worried about what the other person thinks of me, and severely depressed. It's been happening for YEARS, but I'm sick of it. I literally can't take it anymore.

 

I just went out with a great guy last night - we met online, emailed and texted quite a lot while he was out of town for work the week prior, and he's hilarious. I've gone out with other people from dating sites, but haven't been that invested, but we were both definitely looking forward to meeting each other. I goofed by being 20 minutes late (although I gave him over 2 hours notice, I got out of work later than anticipated and had to drive to the subway). He also goofed by getting the time of our movie wrong, but we ended up having a great time talking over dinner and drinks. He was all smiles and seemed a little nervous when we first met up, but kept me laughing all night long.

 

At the end, he walked me to the subway and we exchanged a great hug (not like a "pat-pat" hug) and he said "We should do this again." I agreed, and we parted ways. I sent him a quick email around lunchtime today with a link to a funny article we'd discussed, and said "thanks again for dinner - I had a great time." He sent a one-line reply a couple of hours later, but didn't comment on dinner or lining up a second date.

 

Last night, despite having a good time (although I was a little tired by the end), I immediately fell into a depressed state on the train ride home. I tried to yank myself out of it, but it was no avail. Today, same thing. I know this guy wanted to meet me in the first place because I was my usual confident, sarcastic, funny self over text & email - and the rapport was GREAT. But once the ball's in his court, it's like I become a depressed, spineless snail.

 

There are physical symptoms, too - bottomless feeling in the pit of my stomach, fatigue, just a general malaise. Dating is supposed to be "FUN."

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Any ideas on how to combat it?

[leigh305]

i get the same way sometimes. i think for me, it's more the anxiety of not knowing--not knowing what he's thinking, and then over-analyzing our interaction. this usually happens with dudes who don't make their interest apparent, though.

[quartz88]

i get the same way sometimes. i think for me, it's more the anxiety of not knowing--not knowing what he's thinking, and then over-analyzing our interaction.

 

I hate not knowing, too. I realize it takes time for feelings to emerge, but I've had situations where things seemed to be going swimmingly (7+ dates, it was "by far the most rewarding first kiss of his life," the guy cooking dinner and telling he'd mentioned me to his Mom, etc.), and all of the sudden, BAM, he's decided to "slow down" which turned out to be code for he'd "met someone else."

 

I just hate that there sometimes doesn't seem to be any correlation between what people say and how they act around you, and what they truly feel. It's all a giant mystery.

[SJC2008]

 

There are physical symptoms, too - bottomless feeling in the pit of my stomach, fatigue, just a general malaise. Dating is supposed to be "FUN."

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Any ideas on how to combat it?

 

I've always had anxiety but about a year and a half ago it got way worse physically (long story). I'm to the point where my hands will be shaking for the first few minutes. It doesn't get better as you'd think as you get to know the person better. I was 5 dates in with a woman recently and was still very tense early in the date. It's a massive insecurity with women that shows because my physical anxiety got worse.