ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I met a guy a few weeks ago, I had an extra ticket to a show, so I invited him. We had a nice time, and he said so. The holidays came and I left town. Now I'm back, but I haven't heard from him. I just opened an OKC profile and saw him on it. I didn't load a pic of myself yet or give much description so he preobably doesn't know it's me. To one of his questions, "If you really like someone would you ask them out?" He answered, "No," then qualified it by saying he is shy. I was surprised by this. So, I'm wondering if he didn't call because 1) he's shy, 2) thinks it's up to me to announce that I'm back from holidays, 3) he just isn't that into me? Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 you need to tell someone you're back and available for dating again - how else is he to know. and if you had that great of a time with him you might have dropped a note or text while you were away as well. perhaps you've already waited too long? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Its possible he is shy, its possible he is not. All I know is its OK for a woman to make the first move. Men are pretty awful when it comes to reading a womans mind Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thank you for your replies. Since, I don't text and we haven't exchanged emails, my only option is to call and suss him out. I guess if I suggest we do something and if he likes me enough, even as friends, then he'll say yes. If he doesn't at all, then he say "no" or make an excuse. I just didn't want him to feel like I'm being pushy. But now that I learn that he considers himself shy, then perhaps I'll have to make the first move. In any case, I do find him attractive, but I'm not looking to rush into anything other than just getting to know him as a person, seeing if we can first be friends, then take it from there. I was really surprised to see that he said he was shy though. Becasue I wasn't sure if he was interested or not, and I guess I still don't know for sure, unless I make the first move. Link to post Share on other sites
Palominas Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Men are pretty awful when it comes to reading a womans mind From a guy's perspective, that right there is accurate and just about sums it all up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 Quote: Originally Posted by Keenly Men are pretty awful when it comes to reading a womans mind From a guy's perspective, that right there is accurate and just about sums it all up. * * * * So, in other words, given that he's shy, he's maybe thinking I might not be that into him either; therefore, he won't take the risk of making a move. Waht you are both saying, if I understand correctly, is that I'll have to be more explicit and invite him out, if I want to get my answer as to his level of interest in me, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Palominas Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I know a few who would disagree with me, but like others have pointed out, women are asking guys out more these days. If a girl asked me out, I wouldn't be put off by it, I'd be ok with it. At the very least, if I didn't want to date the girl, I'd be flattered that she asked. The worst he can say is no. But like others pointed out, how can he know you're back and interested if you don't see him or communicate with him. Being shy makes it even more difficult. I remember I used to go into a do loop of reasons why I shouldn't contact a girl I like. Good luck. And yeah, again, guys suck at knowing what a girl is thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Quote: Originally Posted by Keenly Men are pretty awful when it comes to reading a womans mind From a guy's perspective, that right there is accurate and just about sums it all up. * * * * So, in other words, given that he's shy, he's maybe thinking I might not be that into him either; therefore, he won't take the risk of making a move. Waht you are both saying, if I understand correctly, is that I'll have to be more explicit and invite him out, if I want to get my answer as to his level of interest in me, right? that would work just fine. As a shy guy, I would take that as a clear sign and jump right on it. Link to post Share on other sites
chex Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 You should ask him out if you're interested. Don't wait around for a move that's never going to happen, he sounds interested to me, but he's shy, so if you just stay as is it's going to remain a situation in which you're both vaguely disappointed even though you both want it. So ask him, it's better than waiting around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 OK, I'll contact him. Either way, I'll get my answer. Thank you for your advice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Any thoughts? Is this the guy with the roids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 Is this the guy with the roids? lol yes! You remembered! So now that you know, what is your take on this Sid? Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 He's shy, except when it comes to talking about his aching a**? Seems a bit odd. So did you meet him on OKC? Sounds like he fears rejection, who wouldnt ask someone out if they really like them. I guess he defines "really" differently than most people. What is he waiting for, women to chase him? If you decide to contact him, ask him how is roids are. Hahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 I met him on another OLD site. It does seem like he's giiving mixed messages from what he writes about himself. I'm confused. I guess the only way I'll know for sure is to ask him out again. And for that, now, I'm on the fence. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I met him on another OLD site. It does seem like he's giiving mixed messages from what he writes about himself. I'm confused. I guess the only way I'll know for sure is to ask him out again. And for that, now, I'm on the fence. He's on multiple OLD sites but he's shy, yeah right. I don't buy it. You're on the fence because? Intuition? Methinks it could go either way. FYI, Valetine's Day is just around the corner Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thank you for your replies. Since, I don't text and we haven't exchanged emails, my only option is to call and suss him out. I guess if I suggest we do something and if he likes me enough, even as friends, then he'll say yes. If he doesn't at all, then he say "no" or make an excuse. I just didn't want him to feel like I'm being pushy. But now that I learn that he considers himself shy, then perhaps I'll have to make the first move. In any case, I do find him attractive, but I'm not looking to rush into anything other than just getting to know him as a person, seeing if we can first be friends, then take it from there. I was really surprised to see that he said he was shy though. Becasue I wasn't sure if he was interested or not, and I guess I still don't know for sure, unless I make the first move. just keep in mind that with any person, especially a new person you don't even know, how they appear on the outside is rarely how they feel inside. this person may be outwardly very social and inwardly lack confidence/be shy, so that is why you might be taken by surprise by his answer. you should always do what you want and feel and react how you feel because you just never know if it'll resonate with someone's true inner feelings, if that make sense :-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 a few thoughts from me: - if a guy likes a girl, he'll contact her. eventually - if you contact him, you're making it more difficult for you, on the long run. is he worth it? if you're really into him, you should really NOT contact him, btw - if you are curious about him, what the hell, initiate contact. Don't call, text. Don't ask him out (again), get intouch; if he's interested, he'll ask you out - go out with at least another guy, you seem too much into him / a bit obsessive; nice drinks with another guy will put things into perspective cheers Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 If he says he's shy and doesn't ask women out, then that "just not that into you" cliche doesn't apply. It's almost become a religion that a woman should never ask a man out or take the initiative. Bizarre. If he's worth it, go for him. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 You should call him. Shy guys are not very aggressive, so if you are waiting for him to call you, it's probably not going to happen. Just call him. He'll probably be glad that you did. Link to post Share on other sites
HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 a few thoughts from me: - if a guy likes a girl, he'll contact her. eventually - if you contact him, you're making it more difficult for you, on the long run. is he worth it? if you're really into him, you should really NOT contact him, btw - if you are curious about him, what the hell, initiate contact. Don't call, text. Don't ask him out (again), get intouch; if he's interested, he'll ask you out - go out with at least another guy, you seem too much into him / a bit obsessive; nice drinks with another guy will put things into perspective cheers This is 100% true. However, - How the hell would he know that you're back or not? Text him a simple. "Hey, I'm back in town : )" - To most guys it takes sometime to be super into a girl. Some are just evaluating their options until you become really close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 He's on multiple OLD sites but he's shy, yeah right. I don't buy it. You're on the fence because? Intuition? Methinks it could go either way. FYI, Valetine's Day is just around the corner What does Valentine's Day have to do with it? When was love or sexual attraction ever rational? I'm looking for the man I am - the one who will make me submit to him. I'd love it! Who cares about rationale, I've had a few drinks and am listening to primal Greek music. Who cares about the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 You should call him. Shy guys are not very aggressive, so if you are waiting for him to call you, it's probably not going to happen. Just call him. He'll probably be glad that you did. But maybe he'll just say yes to be nice; will I ever know it's me that he's interested it. Perhaps it's just curtesy. Or boredom!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 If he says he's shy and doesn't ask women out, then that "just not that into you" cliche doesn't apply. It's almost become a religion that a woman should never ask a man out or take the initiative. Bizarre. If he's worth it, go for him. I don't know iof he's worth it ... but he's piqued my interest. All this time, I've tried to be rational ... but when does rationale play into it. Really? Link to post Share on other sites
chex Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 What does Valentine's Day have to do with it? When was love or sexual attraction ever rational? I'm looking for the man I am - the one who will make me submit to him. I'd love it! Who cares about rationale, I've had a few drinks and am listening to primal Greek music. Who cares about the rest. A shy guy probably won't 'make you submit to him,' girl. Maybe you're just not all that compatible with him :c Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I've been on your side of the fence, and much ado about nothing has caused me to reach this conclusion: if you have not heard from him within 24-48 hours after the get together, he's not that into you. He might be shy, to be sure, but remember that he will be shy in many other aspects of his life. Even if he does contact you again, chances are he will be, quite honestly, not that into you. He will be a friend, but he will not be a serious bf type person. He may say that he likes it when women chase them (like they all do) but they really don't that much. It takes the challenge out of it for them. I'd just move on, especially if he didn't bother to contact you over the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
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