My view on dating and male leading.

[HitMeNow]

I will probably get a lot of bashing from the female population in here, but I've heard enough of the "guys needs to takes the lead in XYZ".

 

Guys HAVE TO take the lead in important parts of life, but not for the tiny unimportant details.

 

Historically, men were the ones who fought, protected and provided for their families. That was their duty.

Women on the other side were more passive when dealing with the world. Their duty involved Comfort. Providing comfort for their kids, husbands, etc.

 

So in some way both are leading.

 

Translated in today's times. Yes, the man is in charge of leading in career, in interactions with strangers. He is in charge of setting rules for the relationship. Making sure the family survives from the attacks of strangers at the bar who wanna **** his girl.

But it's the woman's duty to provide comfort. Comfort and security for the relationship from within. Whenever I hear "it's the guys duty to initiate contact" I call BS. After the initial approach, it's the woman's job to MAKE IT WORK. The male protects in life and the female protects the relationship and the feelings.

 

Lastly, don't forget the saying, behind every great man stands a great woman. The woman is in his shadow, she does not need the ego boost that the man does, but she leads the same way in the family.

[Drseussgrrl]

After the initial approach you don't call women or ask them out on dates?

 

How's that working out for you? I would assume you're not interested and move on.

[ErosOcean]

Lastly, don't forget the saying, behind every great man stands a great woman. The woman is in his shadow, she does not need the ego boost that the man does, but she leads the same way in the family.

 

I just wanted to give my thoughts on this...

 

Where this saying originated no one seems to know. And the meaning is quite ambiguous, so it is difficult to ascertain as to what the true meaning of it was being portrayed by the original author.

 

A lot of people have took it to mean that the great leaders had standing beside them a great wife. But such was not always the case. Remember, back in the ancient times marriages were often arranged to strengthen ties between a kingdom. And the kings would divorce or kill off a wife whenever they felt like it. And some of the great men in history didn't even have wives.

 

So I find it hard to believe that the saying applies to the wife.

 

Then we have to look at what defines a 'Great Man'. Whom does the author view to be a great man?

 

If I were to interpret this for the great men of history who helped to mold the world into a better place. Then, I think the saying would apply more towards mothers and not the wife. Among the great teachers and leaders of man, you will in most cases find that the mother were a contributing influence in their life. They are the silent givers, they who sacrifice so much to the growth and raising of their children. Confucius's mother, shunned by her family, took great pains to make sure that Confucius became well educated. King Solomon's mother Bathsheba persuaded the dying King David to name Solomon as his heir. The Kings and Emperors of antiquity who gained the seat of power with the the help from their mothers.

 

And then we look at embryology. It is only a woman, a mother, who can give birth to man. Therefore, I would say then the quote would be true.

 

Behind every great man stands a great woman... The mother.

 

Well those are my thoughts. Have a good day.

[crude]

After the initial approach you don't call women or ask them out on dates?

 

How's that working out for you? I would assume you're not interested and move on.

 

 

What if the man tells you that he's interested in you, but isn't sexist and believes in a woman doing her share of the asking because she's a grown up, not a passive, inanimate object?

[Drseussgrrl]

In my experience the guys who were truly interested had no qualms about asking me out the majority of the time in the beginning and I gladly and enthusiastically said yes. They were encouraged by this.

 

Not sure why this is so scary for you boys.

[crude]

In my experience the guys who were truly interested had no qualms about asking me out the majority of the time in the beginning and I gladly and enthusiastically said yes. They were encouraged by this.

 

Not sure why this is so scary for you boys.

 

It's a gateway to a one-sided relationship. When the man always asks, always pays, always has the responsibilities, it never ends. That's why we see married, entitled women who can choose to work full time, part time, no time, whatever she wants, while the man has no choice in his life. He provides, protects, does all the dirty work, while the selfish, lazy goddess does nothing. If the man goes along with the sexist, stereotype crap starting on the first date, it's a precedent that never goes away.

[Keenly]

I am really liking the part where you said its the man's responsibility to keep a woman from cheating. Hilarious.

[HitMeNow]

This is a huge problem that both parts don't understand. When the male is always leading the relationship forward the woman eventually is out of business, which brings one of 2 things.

 

1. The male will be frustrated with the female just doing nothing.

2. The female will become bored by doing nothing for the relationship.

 

The relationship will end. So why spend 6 months, 2 years, 5 years in it?

I see a lot of answers from people. But have you actually been in a 100% successful relationship?

[c57dood]

Everytime this topic comes up, it makes the OP sound like they've never had a real relationship with a woman. The dynamics between individual couples are unique to those two people. Too many on this forum, especially guys, try to apply a black or white this or that idea of romantic relationships. Real relationships are not about leading or following, its about two people who love each other and do their part to keep the relationship going.

 

What guy would even think of providing a life for his wife if he was not crazy head over heels for her? What woman would want to encourage her man if she didn't love him very much in the first place?

 

It's not about who walks behind or who walks ahead, but about the one who walks BESIDE you!

[crude]

 

What guy would even think of providing a life for his wife if he was not crazy head over heels for her? What woman would want to encourage her man if she didn't love him very much in the first place?

 

 

Why does a man have to provide a life for a woman, can't she accept the responsibilities of an adult and provide a life for herself? If the man is always assigned the role of provider and the woman's role is just to mooch and encourage him to provide, then not only are the dynamics not unique, but they're not walking side by side, they're each tending to the stereotypical role they've been told to accept.

[c57dood]

Why does a man have to provide a life for a woman, can't she accept the responsibilities of an adult and provide a life for herself? If the man is always assigned the role of provider and the woman's role is just to mooch and encourage him to provide, then not only are the dynamics not unique, but they're not walking side by side, they're each tending to the stereotypical role they've been told to accept.

 

No one said he HAS to, but if he loves her enough he'll WANT to. The key ingredient you are missing in your assessment of gender roles is that mutual love tends to produce these actions which emphasize their partners strengths. If there is a constant power struggle in a realationship it won't last.

[xxoo]

The key ingredient you are missing in your assessment of gender roles is that mutual love tends to produce these actions which emphasize their partners strengths.

 

That's true for my relationship, although not all men and women may have the same strengths.

 

I can support myself. I have supported us both at time. But, grown as I am, my guy sees me as precious, and feels driven to provide me with protection and support. And that makes me all fluttery inside

[CptSaveAho]

This is a huge problem that both parts don't understand. When the male is always leading the relationship forward the woman eventually is out of business, which brings one of 2 things.

 

1. The male will be frustrated with the female just doing nothing.

2. The female will become bored by doing nothing for the relationship.

The relationship will end. So why spend 6 months, 2 years, 5 years in it?

I see a lot of answers from people. But have you actually been in a 100% successful relationship?

 

These 2 signs are signs that you are in a bad relationship... pull the plug and try again with someone new... a relationship should be a dance... tit for tat...

 

I like your theory but you need to go out and put it to practice and report back

Edited January 17, 2013 by CptSaveAho

[SJC2008]

What about the "women love drama"/"women want a challenge" theory? You can be a great man, there for her, a leader, strong in not letting her walk over you etc... If you give her nothing to bitch about or argue about she might get bored and leave! Not saying all women are like this but so many things are over complicated on this forum and I over complicate/over think things myself due to a lack of success.

[CptSaveAho]

What about the "women love drama"/"women want a challenge" theory? You can be a great man, there for her, a leader, strong in not letting her walk over you etc... If you give her nothing to bitch about or argue about she might get bored and leave! Not saying all women are like this but so many things are over complicated on this forum and I over complicate/over think things myself due to a lack of success.

 

go out and practice it... have fun

 

Example... a coworker of mine asked me what I got her for her birthday... I laughed and responded... what did you give ME for your birthday... she laughed knew i was playing around and said "I'll give you a hug"... so she gave me a hug... now I have to do something and reward her good behavior

 

I was a challenge... and stirred in a little drama/fun

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Key to dating.... JUSST HAVE FUN... stop overthinking

 

I dont think about what I do before I am going to do it... I just act, have fun, be playful ..

Edited January 17, 2013 by CptSaveAho

[xxoo]

These 2 signs are signs that you are in a bad relationship... pull the plug and try again with someone new... a relationship should be a dance... tit for tat...

 

It should be a dance.

 

But he can still lead, at least in the romance dept. He leads, she responds.

 

If she doesn't respond (initially with interest and attention, and in time with warmth, affection, sexuality), stop investing.

[xxoo]

Key to dating.... JUSST HAVE FUN... stop overthinking

 

I dont think about what I do before I am going to do it... I just act, have fun, be playful ..

 

Best advice!

[SJC2008]

go out and practice it... have fun

 

Example... a coworker of mine asked me what I got her for her birthday... I laughed and responded... what did you give ME for your birthday... she laughed knew i was playing around and said "I'll give you a hug"... so she gave me a hug... now I have to do something and reward her good behavior

 

I was a challenge... and stirred in a little drama/fun

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Key to dating.... JUSST HAVE FUN... stop overthinking

 

I dont think about what I do before I am going to do it... I just act, have fun, be playful ..

 

Good advice but I don't really see the challenge/drama in your ex. Pretty witty on your part though!

[c57dood]

What about the "women love drama"/"women want a challenge" theory? You can be a great man, there for her, a leader, strong in not letting her walk over you etc... If you give her nothing to bitch about or argue about she might get bored and leave! Not saying all women are like this but so many things are over complicated on this forum and I over complicate/over think things myself due to a lack of success.

 

The day man develops the "Theory of Women", that day he will understand fully. However, there are certain things which man is not allowed to know, and that is because women won't allow it to be known to him.

 

For if it were known by one man, would he tell others or would he keep it a secret? Women will not allow it! Do you understand why women come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities? Then you understand also why there are so many variations between couples. Like the different inhabitants of earth, animals, plants, gemstones, and ore all are unique unto themselves.

[xxoo]

Good advice but I don't really see the challenge/drama in your ex. Pretty witty on your part though!

 

Drama is bad. If a woman craves drama, you should stay away.

 

Challenge is exactly what the Captain provided. She challenged, and he challenged back. Good-naturedly, of course.

[ErosOcean]

The day man develops the "Theory of Women", that day he will understand fully. However, there are certain things which man is not allowed to know, and that is because women won't allow it to be known to him.

 

For if it were known by one man, would he tell others or would he keep it a secret?

Well I know of a few guys who know and understand women, but they won't reveal their secrets because they are selfish. Then there are guys who will reveal what they've come to know for a price tag. And then there are guys who reveal very little if anything because they think that if taught to the wrong group of men, they will inevitably use it for selfish reasons and hurt women or they will abuse the knowledge of it.

 

...I have to do something and reward her good behavior

It's interesting to note the "Reward" for good behavior theory. It sounds like you are training an animal. Honestly, I find it ridiculous. Really the proper thinking should be to not encourage bad behavior or bad habits. For the few men who really get it, this was not a method to manipulate the behavior of women. Rather it was out of their own self-respect. If you respect yourself, you don't encourage bad behavior or bad habits. This idea could apply not only for men, but for women as well.

 

 

Key to dating.... JUSST HAVE FUN... stop overthinking

 

I dont think about what I do before I am going to do it... I just act, have fun, be playful ..

The Captn is on point about just having fun. Learn to just let go and relax. Women feel comfortable around men who are comfortable around women. So relax and have fun.

 

 

Whenever I hear "it's the guys duty to initiate contact" I call BS. After the initial approach, it's the woman's job to MAKE IT WORK. The male protects in life and the female protects the relationship and the feelings.

It is somewhat true that women are more laid back when it comes to the beginning of a relationship. They expect the man to initiate everything, they sit back and smile hoping that the guy will approach. They expect the guy to plan the dates and all. It's just the social norm as is being taught in the world. But women should know that it is okay to approach guys you like and talk to them. It is okay to ask men out on dates and be the first one to initiate contact.

 

The other-side of the equation is guys need to learn to be okay with being approached by women. They need to let them know that they are approachable. And they should not jump to the conclusion that she must be easy because she has the courage to ask him out or talk to him. There are also guys that think it is to easy when women chase them and they rather like the drama of chasing. It's rather stupid, but it happens.

 

As for a good relationship, the idea of it, should be based on co-operation, trust, and love. It requires both to make it work.

 

Anyways, that's all I'll say about that.

Edited January 17, 2013 by ErosOcean