Jump to content

Hello breadcrumbs


edgygirl

Recommended Posts

Would you accept breadcrumbs from someone due to certain circumstances in the hopes that eventually you might be getting a full loaf of bread?

 

A few examples of possible circumstances: distance, professional issues, unwillingness to put the necessary effort at the moment, just wanting to take things slowly, leave things open, see where it can go, etc.

 

Would you put a person with explanation/s similar to the above in the fire burner for a while while continuing dating others, knowing that that person can't give you what you need at the moment but might in the future? Is it worth to keep someone you like as an option even if they're not giving you what you really want at the moment? Or does it suck your energy for dating and becoming interested in other people?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes and no.

 

I wouldn't be celibate waiting for them. My eyes would be open for more receptive opportunities.

 

The whole point of dating around is to be sure your sure before you commit. Before a real commitment has been made... a pre engagement promise, engagement or ofcourse marriage, no one owes you the full loaf.

 

Others will disagree.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

So, yes to keeping them as an option, while meeting and being with other people? Just wondering if it's worth it getting breadcrumbs only.

 

I agree that being celibate waiting is definitely not an option! ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a girl with a healthy appetite so bread crumbs just won't cut it. Pass the loaf please.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm a girl with a healthy appetite so bread crumbs just won't cut it. Pass the loaf please.

 

Breadcrumbs are good for snacking between meals! :p

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

as long as i'm not committed to mr. loaf bread, yes i'll check some possibilities with a few mr. breadcrumbs.

 

breadcrumbs may not be as satisfying as full loaf but at least they may ease hunger :D

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I accept breadcrumbs when I don't want more.

Well some breadcrumbs can feel like a full meal when you are only looking for a snack.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine

Every single time I did, it has ended badly. Although I don't think it's too much of a problem if you are not actively pining and are open to others...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer

Probably not - especially if you're talking about that guy you had the one date with.

 

If it's him, you already like him a lot and got very disappointed by the way things went. I don't think you will feel okay about accepting crumbs from him. If you are waiting to "see" if anything else might develop and nothing does, I think you will be pretty hurt and sorry.

 

In fact, now that I'm writing this, I think that nobody should EVER accept breadcrumbs. Just the fact that you would choose that expression rather than using something like "casual relationship" or "FWB" makes me think that you'd be starting out in a less than desirable place.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don't have any other prospects AND you don't let it affect you, then it's not a problem.

 

But the fact that you're referring to "breadcrumbs" means that you're letting it affect you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Wow MMe. you always impress me with your memory and wittiness. Yes it's him I'm thinking about.

 

He seems to be perfectly happy with us 'seeing each other when we get to see each other' due to the distance. We had a mini fight but he's back now asking to take things slow and see where it goes.

 

Anyway I am really feeling less for him these days, so I don't think I will be hurt if things don't go anywhere. That's why I'm asking if it's worth to keep him as an open option while dating others. I mean, why not? Only a relationship that flights from the start has a chance?

Link to post
Share on other sites

No way. Not anymore. I'd tell him to call when he is ready for and able to commit to a real relationship and if I feel like it I'll reassess then. Can't see any good reason to settle for less than I'm looking for.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If you don't have any other prospects AND you don't let it affect you, then it's not a problem.

 

But the fact that you're referring to "breadcrumbs" means that you're letting it affect you.

 

Prospects we all have, I date regularly. It's just that I am not much interested in the guys I've been meeting. Breadcrumbs meaning he won't give me the LTR I want right now, as we don't know each other that well and he's in another city and seems to want us to take things slowly and see where it goes, instead of trying to meet often to see if we are a match. Meaning, he's comfortable with us keeping in touch and meeting when the opportunity presents but won't make much effort to do so as it's LD.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Prospects we all have, I date regularly. It's just that I am not much interested in the guys I've been meeting.
Then you don't have any other prospects.

 

Breadcrumbs meaning he won't give me the LTR I want right now, as we don't know each other that well and he's in another city and seems to want us to take things slowly and see where it goes, instead of trying to meet often to see if we are a match. Meaning, he's comfortable with us keeping in touch and meeting when the opportunity presents but won't make much effort to do so as it's LD.
A relationship is supposed to improve your life. If it doesn't, then move on.
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
A relationship is supposed to improve your life. If it doesn't, then move on.

 

You could say the same about a savings account.

 

It doesn't do anything for you right now, but it might improve your life in the future. :p I know, I know with the account at least you know the money will be there.

 

But if I am not expecting much and if I am not pining (because I am not), will it hurt to keep the option open?

Link to post
Share on other sites

But if I am not expecting much and if I am not pining (because I am not), will it hurt to keep the option open?

There's nothing wrong with staying in contact with people because they might someday become a prospect, so long as it's not affecting you.

 

Starting threads on the internet is usually a pretty sure sign that it's affecting you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Starting threads on the internet is usually a pretty sure sign that it's affecting you.

 

It's only because a few months ago I made the general decision of not keeping things open with people who didn't want what I'm looking for, "right here, right now".

 

So when I heard from him today and his proposal to keep things open for now and meet next time he's in my city, I kept thinking to myself 'hmm well why not, I'll just keep him as an open option and date around' - which is contrary to what I have decided before so it's conflicting. But I guess life it's not black and white and we can sometimes adapt as things go.

 

But I think it seriously won't hurt me because I lost the butterflies I had for him over our last relationship-talks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer

There is also the more or less accepted "wisdom" that having casual dalliances is counterproductive to being active and really open to finding a serious relationship.

 

I don't know if that's true. I can't imagine having a casual sexual relationship, especially not with a guy I wanted to have more with - not judging at all, that's just me. I'm not cut out for casual sex, I tried it a handful of times and it felt like I was being untrue to myself. I know LOTS of people, men and women, who are great with it and who get a lot out of it.

 

Anyway, if you really don't hope for, expect, and feel anything more for this guy than "it will be fun while we are together," I think it could be fine. From the way you worded your post, though, I will be surprised if you are truly in this place. It will probably be like he is tossing you breadcrumbs when you want a lot more and are hoping that more is to come. So, keep yourself clear and honest with yourself about your feelings and intentions.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
rocketman122

when I was OLD I wouldnt accept anything less than full on. that was my mindset and if anyone I dated was less than that, I walked away. I had too many options for those who arent giving 100%. no, no scraps here. zero tolerance. I kept looking, and if I didnt find, I was content with being single. I also dont believe in holding on to someone if you dont have better options just because youre horny. I dont like playing with peoples emotions its not my style. im as straight a shooter as they come. you want good, if not, nice meeting you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
So, keep yourself clear and honest with yourself about your feelings and intentions.

 

Thank you Madame. Oh the idea is not about having a 'casual sexual relationship'. The issue is we don't know each other well, and while he said he does want to meet when he happens to be in my town visiting family etc, he won't "spend the little energy" he has as a med resident to come visit specially to get to know me and see if we have more in common. I think it's mainly because in the little time we spent together we were drunk and it's hard to tell if there really was a spark/connection. For both of us.

 

The crumbs word came in play because I was expecting to set dates and get to know him to see if we match, but after we had a few discussions and he felt I was not happy with the ambiguity of the situation, he came to this realization that having a LD is not what he wants now. As he put it: "the idea that I could live somewhere and develop a relationship somewhere else seemed reasonable, but it doesn't so much any more." :(

 

Still... he's has only one more year to graduate... so why not meet him sometimes and leave it open for now, just so we have a chance to get to know each other? Maybe I'll even come to the realization that I'm not interested. I just don't know him enough to know for sure right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
when I was OLD I wouldnt accept anything less than full on. that was my mindset and if anyone I dated was less than that, I walked away. I had too many options for those who arent giving 100%. no, no scraps here. zero tolerance.

 

Yes that's what I have decided last year as well - not less than full on. But as I am not meeting people I get really interested in... I thought maybe I should leave it open with him, where I saw some potential at least, and see where things go while seeing others. I wish I could say as you that I am content with being single. I am not. I think that's my main issue. And as I said, with this guy, it's not about sex (although he was the best I got in the last years =).

Link to post
Share on other sites

Compromise -- agree to see him when he visits but don't have sex. Get to know each other as friends. You might actually get turned off and not want anything more with him, which would spare your feelings. Continue to date others, of course.

 

I may find myself in similar circumstances in a couple of months and that is what I plan to do.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
rocketman122
Yes that's what I have decided last year as well - not less than full on. But as I am not meeting people I get really interested in... I thought maybe I should leave it open with him, where I saw some potential at least, and see where things go while seeing others. I wish I could say as you that I am content with being single. I am not. I think that's my main issue. And as I said, with this guy, it's not about sex (although he was the best I got in the last years =).

 

reminds me in eddie murphy raw when he talks about waiting for so long to get some pu-ssy and he compares it to be starving and someone throwing you a cracker. its the god damn best cracker you ever had. its like a ritz. then get that same pu-ssy day after day and that ritz cracker is suddenly "hey I just had a regular ole cracker"

 

I am strong in my mind but my heart is too soft. I cannot handle being played with. I break. so if its not going well I cut so I can find the right one. I love with all my heart. unconditionally and dont expect it back, but I do want to be loved. so I understand what youre saying. I myself would not multi date though. I want to focus all my energy specifically on that one person. I dont like the juggling act you have to do with mutliple people

Edited by rocketman122
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...