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Why women prefer not to reject men clearly


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

Nearly every time I rejected a man by telling him either that we don't have enough in common or that there is no spark (I am talking 4 dates or less), they became really nasty.

 

A most recent one send me this e-mail:

 

"Who do you think yo are? You are a heartless ice-queen. I am soooo sorry to have wasted your time. Karma is a bitch. I hope you get sick again" <I confided in him about an illness I had in my early 20s>

 

One before that sent me an article about how women over 30 should settle for anyone that wants them as time is running out :rolleyes:

 

Another one from earlier in 2012 told me how I am nothing but an immigrant and should have been honored that a 5th generation Aussie like himself wants to date me :rolleyes:

 

I don't think I am ever going to bother explicitly rejecting a man again. When I do the fade, basically just avoid them, they tend to get the hint and leave me alone after awhile.

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Million.to.1

Totally agree. Men and their precious bloody egos!

 

I have received a few sharp words myself when i was just being politely honest.

 

Ridiculous. :laugh:

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Lol, i am not even that immature.

 

I respect it if woman rejects me flat out by telling me that nothing will happen and then i ignore her since there is nothing more to see there.

 

But it's rare for me to be rejected like that, most just flake or try to avoid it.

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Yes I have noticed the majority of men become very angry about being rejected. Obsessing to the point of making me feel really bad for them.

 

These are men you met on OLD yes? Of the 4 men I have went on a date with from OLD all but ONE reacted in violent anger upon rejection. The other one never called me back, thank god.

 

I believe no matter how the news is delivered some will become angry, and in your case spiteful.

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I've heard stories of this from women that I've dated but it just sounds so surreal that a guy would do that.

 

Are you dating guys that don't seem like they have many other options?

 

How exactly do you word the rejection? Can you give us an example?

 

How far physically do you go with these guys before you reject them?

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Nearly every time I rejected a man by telling him either that we don't have enough in common or that there is no spark (I am talking 4 dates or less), they became really nasty.

 

A most recent one send me this e-mail:

 

"Who do you think yo are? You are a heartless ice-queen. I am soooo sorry to have wasted your time. Karma is a bitch. I hope you get sick again" <I confided in him about an illness I had in my early 20s>

 

One before that sent me an article about how women over 30 should settle for anyone that wants them as time is running out :rolleyes:

 

Another one from earlier in 2012 told me how I am nothing but an immigrant and should have been honored that a 5th generation Aussie like himself wants to date me :rolleyes:

 

I don't think I am ever going to bother explicitly rejecting a man again. When I do the fade, basically just avoid them, they tend to get the hint and leave me alone after awhile.

 

heartless ice queen?? God I'm laughing so much hahaha. the worst one I had had a very public meltdown on facebook. that was fun...

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I've heard stories of this from women that I've dated but it just sounds so surreal that a guy would do that.

 

Are you dating guys that don't seem like they have many other options?

 

How exactly do you word the rejection? Can you give us an example?

 

How far physically do you go with these guys before you reject them?

 

This.

I've had women I was seeing make out with me, get half-naked with me, let me finger them, feel them up, give me a BJ, basically everything but sex then reject me & tell me they didn't mean to lead me on & as far as I can tell they honestly believe they were not leading me on. :confused:

 

Rejection doesn't bother me.

 

Wasting my time purposefully then rejecting me used to piss me off & I called women out on it before saying "see ya" but I didn't rant at them.

 

But I rectified that little problem.

I went binary.

I either have a GF or i'm single.

And if i'm single I can do what I want with whomever I want.

I don't answer to anyone.

 

Quality of life has improved significantly for me since making that change.

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I agree with some of the other comments here. Sounds like OLD guys.

 

Its a weird weird world out there huh? And some of the weirdest are found in OLD (men and women both).

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I agree with some of the other comments here. Sounds like OLD guys.

 

Its a weird weird world out there huh? And some of the weirdest are found in OLD (men and women both).

 

Ha! It's not an OLD phenomenon. People are just a bit braver online, but this happens all the time in real life dating as well.

 

Men have always had difficulty with direct rejection. When a woman is rejected she usually turns it in on herself ("what's wrong with me?"). When a man is rejected, he very often turns it on the woman ("what's wrong with that bitch?"). The easiest option is just to do the fade, as crappy as it is.

 

Oh, the stories I could tell you...

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I agree with some of the other comments here. Sounds like OLD guys.

 

Its a weird weird world out there huh? And some of the weirdest are found in OLD (men and women both).

 

I think the problem is OLD guys need to learn not to invest in a woman they met on the internet until she starts investing in him.

 

Most of my online dates are one-hit wonders so i never pay more than $20.

I keep meets short <3hrs

 

if they like me I see them again.

If they don't I won't.

 

If they think i'm cheap or lazy for buying them a few beers at a bar on the first meet well then they got issues because I really don't owe them dinner or really anything at all considering they are strangers.

 

I buy them a few drinks because I can & that's really it.

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Ha! It's not an OLD phenomenon. People are just a bit braver online, but this happens all the time in real life dating as well.

 

Men have always had difficulty with direct rejection. When a woman is rejected she usually turns it in on herself ("what's wrong with me?"). When a man is rejected, he very often turns it on the woman ("what's wrong with that bitch?"). The easiest option is just to do the fade, as crappy as it is.

 

Oh, the stories I could tell you...

 

The problem with the fade is i've had them come back months to a yr later & act like nothing happened.:confused:

 

Unless you mean the *poof* where you just fall off the face of the earth.

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The problem with the fade is i've had them come back months to a yr later & act like nothing happened.:confused:

 

Unless you mean the *poof* where you just fall off the face of the earth.

 

Guess I'm of the *poof* variety. I can't recall ever going back to a single person I've rejected in the way ES is talking about. Sure, I've reconnected with people I've had proper relationships with, but never someone I flat out knew I didn't want to be involved with prior to getting off the starting block.

 

Admittedly, there have been a few false starts but I tend to measure things in terms of time rather than physical intimacy. Simply spending an evening with someone isn't really enough to ensure things are going to get off the ground (though in my idiotic case,more often than not, this has ended up happening and I end up "agreeing" to be with the person...and then waiting til things have cooled enough to disappear...yeah, I know, lame, but I'm working on it). There's just no easy way for a woman to say "no thanks".

Edited by monicaelise
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I would rather that the lady reject me "kindly", but honestly. I dated a woman, who, before meeting up, asked me to promise not to get mean if things don't work out. I told her i'm not that kind of guy, but was a little surprised that she would even ask me that.

 

Again, I've been let go a couple of times and always with the "talk." We didn't meet to do this. That would have been a waste of time, but at least there was mature conversation about it. So, I respect that method. It's more personable and mature. That's me though.

 

Such "talks" always leads to reasons (true or not), insights and better understanding of what could be learned.

 

Eh, perhaps I'm a masochist? :)

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Men have always had difficulty with direct rejection. When a woman is rejected she usually turns it in on herself ("what's wrong with me?"). When a man is rejected, he very often turns it on the woman ("what's wrong with that bitch?"). The easiest option is just to do the fade, as crappy as it is.

Women have just as much a problem. I've been yelled at, called names, received vicious insults, etc. from women when I chose not to date them.

 

We all tend to project our own personalities on everyone else of our gender. When I read a post like ES's I instinctively react with "No they don't!" simply because I've never reacted in the way she described. But I don't doubt that some men do. Similarly, I suspect you've never broken up with a woman, so you don't really have any basis for saying that men respond to rejection by lashing out at women, while women turn on themselves, except that that's the way you behave.

 

The world has plenty of angry and nasty women. No gender has a monopoly on bad (or good) behavior.

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Women have just as much a problem. I've been yelled at, called names, received vicious insults, etc. from women when I chose not to date them.

 

We all tend to project our own personalities on everyone else of our gender. When I read a post like ES's I instinctively react with "No they don't!" simply because I've never reacted in the way she described. But I don't doubt that some men do. Similarly, I suspect you've never broken up with a woman, so you don't really have any basis for saying that men respond to rejection by lashing out at women, while women turn on themselves, except that that's the way you behave.

 

The world has plenty of angry and nasty women. No gender has a monopoly on bad (or good) behavior.

 

I swear to the all-mighty I have been very lucky during my OLD! I have ONLY met classy, sweet, ladies and remain friends with most. I hear horror stories and I just can't imagine what that's like.

 

I think the OP is formulating her views based on her own experience with men. I'm certain she's aware that women are also guilty of such nasty behavior.

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Guess I'm of the *poof* variety. I can't recall ever going back to a single person I've rejected in the way ES is talking about. Sure, I've reconnected with people I've had proper relationships with, but never someone I flat out knew I didn't want to be involved with prior to getting off the starting block.

 

Admittedly, there have been a few false starts but I tend to measure things in terms of time rather than physical intimacy. Simply spending an evening with someone isn't really enough to ensure things are going to get off the ground (though in my idiotic case,more often than not, this has ended up happening and I end up "agreeing" to be with the person...and then waiting til things have cooled enough to disappear...yeah, I know, lame, but I'm working on it). There's just no easy way for a woman to say "no thanks".

 

And this is why I keep my options open until a woman wants to be my GF.

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Women have just as much a problem. I've been yelled at, called names, received vicious insults, etc. from women when I chose not to date them.

 

We all tend to project our own personalities on everyone else of our gender. When I read a post like ES's I instinctively react with "No they don't!" simply because I've never reacted in the way she described. But I don't doubt that some men do. Similarly, I suspect you've never broken up with a woman, so you don't really have any basis for saying that men respond to rejection by lashing out at women, while women turn on themselves, except that that's the way you behave.

 

The world has plenty of angry and nasty women. No gender has a monopoly on bad (or good) behavior.

 

With all due respect, you are incorrect. While I haven't broken up with women, I do have many, many close male friends as well as relatives. I also have just as many female friends and relatives. This is an age-old pattern and not something I just decided based on my own personal experiences. If you think I'm off base, have a look at the Break Ups section.

 

I'm well aware women behave badly. I'm talking about the general patterns of behaviour.

Edited by monicaelise
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truth_seeker
Nearly every time I rejected a man by telling him either that we don't have enough in common or that there is no spark (I am talking 4 dates or less), they became really nasty.

 

A most recent one send me this e-mail:

 

"Who do you think yo are? You are a heartless ice-queen. I am soooo sorry to have wasted your time. Karma is a bitch. I hope you get sick again" <I confided in him about an illness I had in my early 20s>

 

One before that sent me an article about how women over 30 should settle for anyone that wants them as time is running out :rolleyes:

 

Another one from earlier in 2012 told me how I am nothing but an immigrant and should have been honored that a 5th generation Aussie like himself wants to date me :rolleyes:

 

I don't think I am ever going to bother explicitly rejecting a man again. When I do the fade, basically just avoid them, they tend to get the hint and leave me alone after awhile.

 

Two things:

 

1) I went out on a date with a girl and there was no spark. Since we were set up by mutual friends, I decided to call her a couple of days later to tell her at least over the phone it wouldn't work out. She didn't pick up her phone and I didn't leave a voicemail. I get a text from her telling me she felt no spark. I wrote her back and told her I agreed and that was it. I deleted her number right after that.

 

So there are men out there (me) who will respect a rejection and appreciate a clear answer.

 

2) I was set up with another girl, this it was a double-date. She liked me but I didn't really like her. I let her down in a nice way and moved on. Some time goes by and I run into her and the other girl who was on the double-date. The other girl made snide remarks about me in front of a large group because I passed on her friend. I remember one being: "He must have a small dick. Forget him."

 

So it goes both ways with women being angry over rejection, too. What it comes down to though are people's personalities. Some can be mature about it; others can't. :)

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Women have just as much a problem. I've been yelled at, called names, received vicious insults, etc. from women when I chose not to date them.

 

We all tend to project our own personalities on everyone else of our gender. When I read a post like ES's I instinctively react with "No they don't!" simply because I've never reacted in the way she described. But I don't doubt that some men do. Similarly, I suspect you've never broken up with a woman, so you don't really have any basis for saying that men respond to rejection by lashing out at women, while women turn on themselves, except that that's the way you behave.

 

The world has plenty of angry and nasty women. No gender has a monopoly on bad (or good) behavior.

 

I meant to address this as well, as it's also incorrect. If I really did turn things in on myself, I wouldn't always be the one leaving. I've only recently decided that perhaps my disinterest in continuing relationships is probably rooted in my weirdness. So yeah, wrong again, but nice try.

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Why women pefer not to reject men clearly

 

Observing these forums and life in general, voluntary conflict avoidance would be my opinion. I accept the evidence of substantial weapons of hurt and that they choose to avoid using them, avoiding a confrontation which might expend energy on unproductive discourse. A good lesson to learn from.

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As someone who has broken up with men and women let me tell you both react in negative nasty ways. This is especially true when they think they are doing you some HUGE favor by even talking to them.

 

It has also been my experience that people who fade out. or reject me in an indirect way will want to come back at some point as if nothing even happened.

 

When I reject someone I tell them the truth usually it's just not working out. We don't have compatible goals and values. I did the fade once and regretted it ever since.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
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Nearly every time I rejected a man by telling him either that we don't have enough in common or that there is no spark (I am talking 4 dates or less), they became really nasty.

 

I don't think I am ever going to bother explicitly rejecting a man again. When I do the fade, basically just avoid them, they tend to get the hint and leave me alone after awhile.

 

I've never rejected a woman by fading out with no explanation, especially after a few dates. Suck it up and give them the respect they deserve. In-depth details are not needed, just a simple this isn't working out, sorry. If they handle it poorly, it's on them, not you. It's disrespectful to just fade on them.

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I tend to fade. A few years ago I rejected this guy who I had never had anything with not even dates, but the was in love with me... and one day he asked me out and I had to say no, because I knew it would be a date...

He proceeded to tell me that I should count myself lucky to have him and that I should date him because no one else wanted me but him.

This was a supposed friend, not just a random guy.

 

I hate confrontation anyway. I usually avoid being the one to break up, even if I know it's not working. So after that incident I've just perfected my fade.

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