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Too nervous to approach a girl :(


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Old 1st December 2012, 2:54 PM   #1
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Too nervous to approach a girl :(

I'm having a serious issue where I get a sort of stage fright feeling when I want to approach a girl...I don't know how to overcome this..does anyone have any suggestions on how I can approach a woman, and maybe something I can say that doesn't make me sound like a total dork?
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Old 1st December 2012, 3:03 PM   #2
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Hey letsjustlive,

You're not alone in this fear. Most men will agree that approacing a woman is one of the most stressful things they have to do.
You may not realize it, but the reason you get nervous is because you have a fear of rejection. You don't want to experience the embaressment,
so you don't bother approaching her in the first place.

There are a few key points you should learn:

1. Don't hesistate approaching women.
You have to learn to build your confidence and just "man-up", otherwise you'll end up spending your night alone, again.

2. Prepare for any possible outcome when you do approach her.
She may be interested in you, or she may not. The point is, at least you tried. The big issue here is this is where most guys give
up if they get rejected. You can't give up. Just take the loss, move on, and find someone else.

3. Create opportunities through flirting.
So you've approached her...OK, now what? Well, now you gotta talk to her obviously! Use good body language. Look relaxed, smile, say hi, and then carry on. If you really wanna take your flirting game to the next level (i.e. what do I say after "hi"??) I recommend The Flirting Formula. It's not full of stupid one-liners that will have you surrounded by women, but it has good conversation starters that the both of you can engage in and have a good time. You can read the review of it here.

4. Don't use cheesy pickup lines, or any pickup lines at ALL for that matter.

5. Keep your eye contact on her EYES and not anywhere else, if you know what I mean.

I hope that helped you out, good luck!
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Old 1st December 2012, 3:07 PM   #3
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Get comfortable talking to strangers, all types of strangers, and you will then find it easier to talk to women.
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Old 1st December 2012, 3:34 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by dasein View Post
Get comfortable talking to strangers, all types of strangers, and you will then find it easier to talk to women.
100% agreed. I think (not that I have read any) that PUAs advise you to start by talking to 3 strangers a day or maybe it is 10. It is definitely in the 4 hour work week. But anyway, the more strangers you talk to. The easier it is for you to talk to people you feel attracted to.
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Old 1st December 2012, 4:49 PM   #5
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1. Don't let yourself over-think. You'll give yourself the nerves.

2. Learn that other people think and feel at least something like you and therefore they are more concerned with how they are perceived than perceiving and judging you. If you really master this you'll end the nerves.

3. If you blush and can't control your feeling of "fight or flight", consider an SSRI medication. When I took Prozac for other reasons I found the blushing had gone away and I was able to figure out what I said in #2. There is no way I could out-think my nervous system until medicine gave me a precious interval where I could use my mind to choose my feelings rather than just suffer them. You don't have to stay on the SSRI forever--just use it to change your chemistry long enough to understand how your chemistry works.

4. Don't be in the wrong by crowding anyone. I went to a network marketing meeting once for instance and was attracted to a women I saw there. I didn't mean to crowd her but we wound up on an elevator leaving at the same time, just her and me. I tried to strike up a conversation and she sneered "gimme a break" as soon as I opened my mouth. I don't remember what I said or did, it just felt awful. But it was good that I found out that she was like that--judgemental, anti-social, stuck up, ill mannered, w/e, I just don't need complicated persons who jump to wrong conclusions around me. I know I didn't say anything wrong, she just probably felt that I cornered her or was lying in wait. Remember to turn rejection back on someone who is just nasty.
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Old 2nd December 2012, 1:25 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by letsjustlive View Post
I'm having a serious issue where I get a sort of stage fright feeling when I want to approach a girl...I don't know how to overcome this..does anyone have any suggestions on how I can approach a woman, and maybe something I can say that doesn't make me sound like a total dork?

Find out what she likes, smile at her, make eye contact--don't be afraid to ask her questions. You never know, she could be crushing on you, just as much as you are crushing on her.
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Old 2nd December 2012, 1:52 AM   #7
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Best way to learn is through experience and yes failure. Just go out there and do it and use what common sense you have. Good luck and if you get rejected just understand it happens to the best of us.
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Old 2nd December 2012, 11:27 AM   #8
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I feel your pain. I've been rejected so many times that my self-confidence is at an all time low. Best of luck!
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Old 2nd December 2012, 7:46 PM   #9
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When will you see her again?
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