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Cancelling a date


suladas

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I need some advice. So last night I was texting this girl from OLD, at first I said I am probably not free for the weekend because i was going snowboarding with friends, but we could make plans and i'd let her know tomorrow (meaning today) for sure or not. It ended up that we firmed up the plans later on last night. Anyways I was going to go on a trip to the mountains with a bunch of friends but back and forth on it and now i think it's stupid not to go, because I haven't got away in forever and I could really use some time away especially from my ex being next door.

 

I'm thinking I should try to re plan the date to next week, and go this weekend. I mean if the date was great I wouldn't care about missing the weekend, but it is OLD so who knows. And even if it is good, I could end up doing both still. Shes alright but nothing jumped out it would be amazing, the messages and texts were not flowing as easily as I would like.

 

How do you feel if a guy cancels like that? It is last minute as the date is tomorrow, the plans were made last night though. I think if it was either the trip or date (meaning she isn't willing to reschedule) i'd pick the trip. Is it enough if I say pick any date, time, place and I will make it up to her? She said her weekends are pretty open, but during the week is tougher to do. I know it doesn't really matter, but I did message her about 2 months ago, and it took her that long to respond at first, after that they were all quick though, wasn't holding that against her or anything.

 

What do I do? What is the best way to break the news to her and chance to still be willing to do it another time? Is she just going to think i'm a total douche? Obviously she will know why i'm cancelling.

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How do you feel if a guy cancels like that? It is last minute as the date is tomorrow, the plans were made last night though. I

Well, I am known to be a bit impulsive, so take my input with a grain of salt -- if someone did that to me, I'd be pretty pissed. I wouldn't tell him anything nasty, but I wouldn't be thinking too well /highly of him, especially if he cancelled the night before. Remember that guy who did that to me? Whatever the reason is, especially if it's something that involves a choice of going out with your friends or not, rather than something out of your control, you just don't cancel last minute like that. What if she was gonna make other plans?

 

In such a case, I would not bother with the guy anymore.

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Well, I am known to be a bit impulsive, so take my input with a grain of salt -- if someone did that to me, I'd be pretty pissed. I wouldn't tell him anything nasty, but I wouldn't be thinking too well /highly of him, especially if he cancelled the night before. Remember that guy who did that to me? Whatever the reason is, especially if it's something that involves a choice of going out with your friends or not, rather than something out of your control, you just don't cancel last minute like that. What if she was gonna make other plans?

 

Ya I feel bad for making the date. I know she said her only plans for the weekend were putting up a christmas tree, and that her weekends were usually pretty open, but it doesn't make it any better for cancelling the night before. I'm not going to give an excuse or lie, it is because I want to go on a trip with my friends and I will say that if asked.

 

Is there anything to say to make it not seem like such a bad thing on my part? Pretty sure i'm going to have to cancel.

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Well, different women might have different reactions, so she might be ok with this. Get more input from other women on here as well. I might not be the typical female. At any rate, IMO, while honesty is the best policy, at this point, I don't think you can do much after telling her about the cancellation, other than hope that she is super-laid back and wouldn't mind a guy cancelling on her like that, because he wants to hang out with his buddies.

 

Yes, she might be available over the weekend and have a flexible schedule, but that doesn't mean a man should not respect her time / the fact that he gave her an appointment / his word. When asked, I always say that I am flexible in terms of day/time, which is true, but it doesn't mean I will be happy / accept it if a guy cancels the date because he thinks I'm more flexible than his buddies, and because he prefers to hang out with them.

 

IMO, this sort of behaviour sends out a signal to the woman that you are taking her for granted. Regardless of whether it's true or not.

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I wouldn't like it. I'd question his interest in me - which seems pretty accurate from what you've said. You do seem a bit half-hearted about her and if the conversation isn't flowing well, it is off-putting.

 

I think I'd give up on him at that point, quite frankly.

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Tell her you forgot you had promised your friends you'd go with them. Make it firm for the following weekend and tell her you will be sending her pix of your trip with your friends so she can see you weren't lying. I'd be a bit pissed though if I were her, thinking you were bailing. That's why photographic proof is needed! Or call her while you are there to say you can't wait to meet her.

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Just texted her, said pick anytime next week or weekend any place and i'd make it up to her, and that i felt really bad about it.

 

She just said no worries, don't think that sounds good for making plans for next time.

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Under The Radar
well, different women might have different reactions, so she might be ok with this. Get more input from other women on here as well. I might not be the typical female. At any rate, imo, while honesty is the best policy, at this point, i don't think you can do much after telling her about the cancellation, other than hope that she is super-laid back and wouldn't mind a guy cancelling on her like that, because he wants to hang out with his buddies.

 

Yes, she might be available over the weekend and have a flexible schedule, but that doesn't mean a man should not respect her time / the fact that he gave her an appointment / his word. When asked, i always say that i am flexible in terms of day/time, which is true, but it doesn't mean i will be happy / accept it if a guy cancels the date because he thinks i'm more flexible than his buddies, and because he prefers to hang out with them.

 

Imo, this sort of behaviour sends out a signal to the woman that you are taking her for granted. Regardless of whether it's true or not.

 

 

^^^^^this^^^^^

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Just texted her, said pick anytime next week or weekend any place and i'd make it up to her, and that i felt really bad about it.

 

She just said no worries, don't think that sounds good for making plans for next time.

That's what my reaction was like when some guy cancelled on me -- I told him, no problem, and added 'maybe some other time" , but really, it was key word for, no thanks, not gonna try this again with you. Ignored his mssges.

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That's what my reaction was like when some guy cancelled on me -- I told him, no problem, and added 'maybe some other time" , but really, it was key word for, no thanks, not gonna try this again with you.

 

Ya I am pretty sure that's what she meant. Not even really sure if i should ask a follow up, not really anything i can say.

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Well she texted again saying we can reschedule. So I said, sure pick anytime. She said she'd see by the end of the weekend what her week looks like. Somehow I don't think I will hear from her, who knows though.

 

I don't know why but I don't even feel bad to be totally honest. I was looking forward to it, but not as much as a trip with friends. A huge change for me, in my last RS I always put her first and never seen my friends, and worked around her schedule.

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A bitch cancels on a date and you got irritated by it. you are a loser as a guy.

 

A guy cancels on a date. he better sincerely apologizes and there is 50% of seeing her.

 

Maybe she thinks she can get the same cxck from different guys. that's how much she is worth

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A bitch cancels on a date and you got irritated by it. you are a loser as a guy.

 

A guy cancels on a date. he better sincerely apologizes and there is 50% of seeing her.

 

Maybe she thinks she can get the same cxck from different guys. that's how much she is worth

 

I don't think you mean me? No one has cancelled on me ever.

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mortensorchid

You're going on the trip to the mountains, done. You said you will reschedule. Text or call when you have returned saying "Are we still on for (date/event)?". If she's still interested, she will respond and you will go on as planned, letting her know that you are not a flake who "forgets" or "pretends not to know" or something. I'd be happy with that considering your circumstance.

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In this context where you said "I a likely going somewhere but it isn't confirmed yet...." I would assume that outing was tentative. I'd leave it on my calendar and would cancel if something concrete came up.

 

Just reschedule. This wasn't very concrete, and you called back when you said you would about finalizing plans.

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Eternal Sunshine

A couple of guys have done it to me (OLD) with offer "pick any day" and I just said "no problem" but ignored their messages from there.

 

If they are already coming off as flaky and unreliable, I am not invested enough to overlook that.

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OP, I'll suggest that you be the one to provide a firm time and place for the rescheduled meetup/date. Take the lead here. Be assertive, rather than 'whenever/whatever is good for you', meaning the lady. Whenever I've cancelled a date, and it was rare, I had an idea for rescheduling in mind before contacting the lady. We might not end up doing that, or anything, but it was on offer. Good luck.

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Of course you like your friends more because you've known them a long time. You don't know her -- yet. Make a point of following up and ask what sorts of things she'd like to do so it's not just another boring coffee date. At least if there is no spark then, you will both have had an enjoyable time out.

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Under The Radar
A couple of guys have done it to me (OLD) with offer "pick any day" and I just said "no problem" but ignored their messages from there.

 

If they are already coming off as flaky and unreliable, I am not invested enough to overlook that.

 

Wait, are you saying the guy(s) cancelled a scheduled date in a flaky way up front (last minute) and THEN said "pick any day"?

 

Or, was their first interaction with you "pick a day" and that was unacceptable to you because it showed a lack of initiative/creativity?

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Am kind of a hardass on this, but generally don't ask out again if a woman cancels a set first date due to anything other than definite health reasons, a family emergency, definite work requirements, or deciding to stick with one option on an OLD site. If it's "forgot I promised friends to do whatever," I'm done. Experienced many friends and dates early on who had a "bigger better deal" approach to a social life, and didn't consider plans firm until they were sure something better wasn't coming along, which is the source of my baggage on this. No thanks to the BBD crowd, my social life has improved once I started removing people like that whenever they reveal themselves.

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So last night I was texting this girl from OLD, at first I said I am probably not free for the weekend because i was going snowboarding with friends, but we could make plans and i'd let her know tomorrow (meaning today) for sure or not. It ended up that we firmed up the plans later on last night.

 

I'm not getting why you "firmed up the plans" knowing you probably weren't free for the weekend? That, to me, indicates total flake behavior. I mean, it's not like you made these plans with her three or four days ago, and in the interim decided to go snowboarding with your friends. You made these plans last night and now today are changing them. Totally weird. However, if I liked you, I would probably give you another shot to prove you aren't a total flake. I think people "next" for silly reasons sometimes in the online dating world.

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OP, I'll suggest that you be the one to provide a firm time and place for the rescheduled meetup/date. Take the lead here. Be assertive, rather than 'whenever/whatever is good for you', meaning the lady. Whenever I've cancelled a date, and it was rare, I had an idea for rescheduling in mind before contacting the lady. We might not end up doing that, or anything, but it was on offer. Good luck.

 

Yes-this is exactly what I want to happen if someone has to change plans on me last minute. It happened just last week and at first I was pissy, but then he came up with an alternative (and better) date. All was good!

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Just texted her, said pick anytime next week or weekend any place and i'd make it up to her, and that i felt really bad about it.

 

She just said no worries, don't think that sounds good for making plans for next time.

 

Yeah I would have said something like "no worries, enjoy your weekend" and only talked to the guy again if he got back to me with a plan for a make up date within a reasonable amount a time (meaning not a month after canceling on me!)

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Eternal Sunshine
Wait, are you saying the guy(s) cancelled a scheduled date in a flaky way up front (last minute) and THEN said "pick any day"?

 

Or, was their first interaction with you "pick a day" and that was unacceptable to you because it showed a lack of initiative/creativity?

 

The first one. Pick a day is totally acceptable on the first interaction.

 

I have dated enough to know that cancellation/reschedule last minute means that the person had something better than came along. I would say this is true in 95% of the cases. I have no patience for that and have no desire to start investing in someone that is a flake.

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