jestereve Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Hello all! This is my first post here so I'll try and keep my story brief. I have been on and off with this man, he's 32, for about 3 years. This last time, we were together officially for nearly a year. I broke things off when we were just arguing too much and various other reasons. In the past, he has been shady before, and done some disrespectful stuff, but in our last year he was a good guy to me. We had been hooking up ever since the break up, maybe once a week or so. Two Sundays ago we hung out and talked. I asked him to be exclusive and he was definitely willing, though we were also having drinks. In the morning, I found evidence that he's been hooking up with another woman. When I confronted him he denied it at first, then admitted he's slept with someone else. It was terrible and I've been a mess since. He told me she knows about me and we hung out again this past Friday. When I talked about being exclusive, he evaded that notion this time. He said he wants to be sure I'm not just infatuated and we need to take things slow. But I know he's still seeing/talking to the other woman. What do I do? I was going to try and have fun with him for a few weeks, but give him an ultimatum after that. I love him, clear as day, but this is not what I want from him. He says he loves me too, but then why is doing this? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
peytondoll Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Hello all! This is my first post here so I'll try and keep my story brief. I have been on and off with this man, he's 32, for about 3 years. This last time, we were together officially for nearly a year. I broke things off when we were just arguing too much and various other reasons. In the past, he has been shady before, and done some disrespectful stuff, but in our last year he was a good guy to me. We had been hooking up ever since the break up, maybe once a week or so. Two Sundays ago we hung out and talked. I asked him to be exclusive and he was definitely willing, though we were also having drinks. In the morning, I found evidence that he's been hooking up with another woman. When I confronted him he denied it at first, then admitted he's slept with someone else. It was terrible and I've been a mess since. He told me she knows about me and we hung out again this past Friday. When I talked about being exclusive, he evaded that notion this time. He said he wants to be sure I'm not just infatuated and we need to take things slow. But I know he's still seeing/talking to the other woman. What do I do? I was going to try and have fun with him for a few weeks, but give him an ultimatum after that. I love him, clear as day, but this is not what I want from him. He says he loves me too, but then why is doing this? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Im sorry but you know what you need to do (maybe you just need to hear it?) Ditch him and move on. There is no relationship without trust...and this guy is NOT trustworthy. People like this do not change- stop waiting around for him to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yookie Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Im sorry but you know what you need to do (maybe you just need to hear it?) Ditch him and move on. There is no relationship without trust...and this guy is NOT trustworthy. People like this do not change- stop waiting around for him to change. You said everything I was going to say. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 It depends on your R goals. Why do you want to get back with an on again off again ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jestereve Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 It depends on your R goals. Why do you want to get back with an on again off again ex? I do think I need to just move on from this, it's just been so difficult because I am very much in love with him. We have grown and gone through a lot together. I want to get back with him and work on our relationship. He says he does want to see us work on things, but that we need to take things slow, but avoids the exclusivity part. Am I just being blind and letting him get away with too much? After all we have been through, shouldn't he just want to be with me at this point or not? Thanks for all of the advice so far! I really appreciate it as this has been a very difficult time. Link to post Share on other sites
peytondoll Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I do think I need to just move on from this, it's just been so difficult because I am very much in love with him. We have grown and gone through a lot together. I want to get back with him and work on our relationship. He says he does want to see us work on things, but that we need to take things slow, but avoids the exclusivity part. Am I just being blind and letting him get away with too much? After all we have been through, shouldn't he just want to be with me at this point or not? Thanks for all of the advice so far! I really appreciate it as this has been a very difficult time. It is hard when you're in love, but alas, love does not conquer all. It cannot change the person into someone who will treat you the way you deserve. You are NOT being blind you are being smart! Guys will say anything they can/rationalize til the cows come home to get some p****. I hate be so negative but its true. Let him go- you deserve better. I have been in this situation several times (why didnt I find this website 6 years ago?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jestereve Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 It is hard when you're in love, but alas, love does not conquer all. It cannot change the person into someone who will treat you the way you deserve. You are NOT being blind you are being smart! Guys will say anything they can/rationalize til the cows come home to get some p****. I hate be so negative but its true. Let him go- you deserve better. I have been in this situation several times (why didnt I find this website 6 years ago?) Yes, this has been incredibly difficult. I am only allowing this because I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and believing he has my best interests at heart and that maybe he really is just confused. I thought he would always be my support system, he said I was his angel that had saved him and helped him through so much. But he's hurt me repeatedly, and it's just hard to justify why he needs to see this other woman on the side after he's hurt me over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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