Girlfriend and her love history

[venatic]

I really need to get some advice.It bugs me a lot after I had this conversation with my gf. I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and we are serious about each other. However, I recently learned about her past as we discussed our love history. She's 24, and I am 28. She's a lot experience than me. She had 7 sexual partner before me, 3 were her former boyfriends. She had oral sex with 17 guys before me, and this is the part that's bothering me. I don't feel good about kissing her anymore after I learned she has been with 17 guys.

 

Call me traditional or naive...I believe oral sex is even more intimate than sex. Out of all my ex and female friends,(including my cousins), They told me they usually have sex before oral sex and won't swallow unless they are bf and gf. I've had girls would go down on me, but wouldn't swallow as they told me they only do it if we are exclusive. On the other hand, my girlfriend swallowed with every guys she had been with. She said it was just more convenient and less messy for them. I.. just don't know how to cope with this. I guess it's personal preference, I don't know. Just to be clear, she didn't just give heads to some random guys. She went out with them at least for a date or two, but not in a relationship.

 

To the ladies out there, do you think I am over reacting or do you share my point of view?

[LittlePrince]

I think you are being extraordinarily generous by calling it love.

I also find it funny and sad at the same time that the line in the sand being drawn is whether she swallows or not rather than her general promiscuous attitude.

[todreaminblue]

I really need to get some advice.It bugs me a lot after I had this conversation with my gf. I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and we are serious about each other. However, I recently learned about her past as we discussed our love history. She's 24, and I am 28. She's a lot experience than me. She had 7 sexual partner before me, 3 were her former boyfriends. She had oral sex with 17 guys before me, and this is the part that's bothering me. I don't feel good about kissing her anymore after I learned she has been with 17 guys.

 

Call me traditional or naive...I believe oral sex is even more intimate than sex. Out of all my ex and female friends,(including my cousins), They told me they usually have sex before oral sex and won't swallow unless they are bf and gf. I've had girls would go down on me, but wouldn't swallow as they told me they only do it if we are exclusive. On the other hand, my girlfriend swallowed with every guys she had been with. She said it was just more convenient and less messy for them. I.. just don't know how to cope with this. I guess it's personal preference, I don't know. Just to be clear, she didn't just give heads to some random guys. She went out with them at least for a date or two, but not in a relationship.

 

To the ladies out there, do you think I am over reacting or do you share my point of view?

 

 

what happened to condoms? When starting a new sexual relationship it is quite reasonable to expect someone to wear a condom for at least six months ....she went out with them for a date or two and then swallowed seventeen different spurts of semen...no you aren't over reacting that's gross and negligent...condoms should have been a given...thats how disease spreads

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well this is what can happen when you discuss sexual history with someone, you've got the potential to find some details that are...hard to...swallow.

 

I'm not sure what you expected to find out with this new GF of yours...did you think she whisked around on a white unicorn, waving rainbow colored twirl flags while basking in the rays of her sacred purity?...probably not, you just didn't think she had 17 men (but no don't worry, she went on a date or two with them so I'm sure they're clean and all great guys!) had blasted their ocean spray into the throat of your potential bride-to-be.

 

Next time, follow the rules of the military...don't ask, don't tell...unless you're prepared for the answer, and if you're not then of course you are looking for a particular answer that is suitable for your expectations. Looks like she didn't make the cut from the sound of it.

 

She might say she was young and naive back then, thinking pleasing men would lead to a relationship and being loved and all that...but at the end of the day you're going to have to ask yourself if this is something that you can live with...because it will bother you the entirety of the relationship and if you feel that strongly it may be best to end this. Because there's nothing she can do to change her past and chosen to have spit instead of swallowed, and not done whatever else with these guys...and I'm sorry to tell you but it was probably more than 7 guys she was sexual with if that's what you want to call it...and probably blew more then 17 guys.

 

Rest assured most of these guys probably won't remember her, so no random high-fives will be given to her as you walk down the street with her arm locked in yours, but that's probably something you'll think about too later on down the road.

 

If I haven't taught you your lesson yet to again, never to ask a woman about her past unless you really want to know the answer, then the only other option for you at this point is to accept what she's done and be able to move on from it and look towards the future, not the past.

 

There's no drinks to erase your memory, or magic pills to make you forget, it's simply going to be...do you love this girl enough to accept her as she is?

 

If you can say yes to that, then you need to look at the positives instead of the negatives and just focus on what could be not what was, and it's something that you will likely have to deal with time to time, there's no way to get rid of that kind of information once learned.

 

But you can't blame her for it or hold it against her, after all it's her body and her choices, if that's not the kind of girl you want to be with, then simply move on. Don't listen to your friends or what others have said, you're going to have to make the decision to yourself because this is your relationship, just think real hard about it...because if you move forward, it's something you're going to have to let go.

 

You may fight over it here and there, but it's not something she can change nor will it do you any good to resent her for it. It's best to be an adult and responsible and say "look, I can't deal with this...it's just too much for me" and walk away.

[Emilia]

Call me traditional or naive...I believe oral sex is even more intimate than sex. Out of all my ex and female friends,(including my cousins), They told me they usually have sex before oral sex and won't swallow unless they are bf and gf. I've had girls would go down on me, but wouldn't swallow as they told me they only do it if we are exclusive. On the other hand, my girlfriend swallowed with every guys she had been with. She said it was just more convenient and less messy for them. I.. just don't know how to cope with this. I guess it's personal preference, I don't know. Just to be clear, she didn't just give heads to some random guys. She went out with them at least for a date or two, but not in a relationship.

 

To the ladies out there, do you think I am over reacting or do you share my point of view?

 

I share your point of view and Ninja's too. She probably went with more guys, it is extraordinary to me that there are girls out there that just go down on men, service them to the guy's pleasure. I see oral as more intimate as well but beyond that, it would make me question how she sees herself, what her value system is. She let those guys use her basically. Don't know... that's not very smart to start with, perhaps she is just really submissive?

[LittlePrince]

I share your point of view and Ninja's too. She probably went with more guys, it is extraordinary to me that there are girls out there that just go down on men, service them to the guy's pleasure. I see oral as more intimate as well but beyond that, it would make me question how she sees herself, what her value system is. She let those guys use her basically. Don't know... that's not very smart to start with, perhaps she is just really submissive?

Today girls see oral like a kiss on the mouth and not as bad as having vaginal intercourse until their mouth is full of std's.

[venatic]

Thanks for the replies guys. Here's the thing, I've been with women who slept with even more guys like 10+, and I can accept and live with them.

 

The difference this time is, my belief is somewhat broken. I feel very intimate with girls who are willing to swallow, because I felt I had to earn them each and every time. My ex only willing to do it after we dated for 3 months. I always believe this is a lot more intimate, and it means the girl really like me. It's hard to accept why my girlfriend would swallowed for each of the guys....and she does it for convenience sake, and less messy. Now I don't even feel that sense of exclusivity when she does it with me.

 

Here's the thing tho, I am ok with her slept with 7 guys and gave heads to 17 guys, it doesn't really bother me that much...but what really bothers me is the fact that she swallowed for every one of them. My ex told me she would do it sometime with guys she was dating, but NEVER swallow anything until more serious. She saves it them for that special some one. One of my friends said swallow/split is really down to personal preference, and it makes no difference when she's already down there. Am I stupid to feel this way?

Edited November 6, 2012 by venatic

[venatic]

what happened to condoms? When starting a new sexual relationship it is quite reasonable to expect someone to wear a condom for at least six months ....she went out with them for a date or two and then swallowed seventeen different spurts of semen...no you aren't over reacting that's gross and negligent...condoms should have been a given...thats how disease spreads

 

she checked with her doctor, she's free of disease. She also haven't slept with anyone for more than a year before me, since she was getting over a guy she really liked.

[JamesM]

 

Here's the thing tho, I am ok with her slept with 7 guys and gave heads to 17 guys, it doesn't really bother me that much...but what really bothers me is the fact that she swallowed for every one of them.

 

Am I stupid to feel this way?

 

IMO if you are okay with all of her sleeping around and giving oral to so many guys, then yes, you are stupid (to use your word).

 

You draw the line at swallowing. You can't kiss her because she swallowed...yet you don't mind that at least probably 24 different men have put their c*ck in her mouth.

 

I say get over it, or split.

[ascendotum]

One of my friends said swallow/split is really down to personal preference.

Yes and no, depends what girl you ask this to. For some there's an intimate element to it, for others not, as you have found with the last 2 girls you have been with.

 

Am I stupid to feel this way.

Again you will get various answers from people here. Having sex with 24 guys by age 24, as opposed to not letting them ejeculate on something else or not insisting on condoms would make quite a few guys feel less special. You got a good reply from NP.

[clia]

Here's the thing tho, I am ok with her slept with 7 guys and gave heads to 17 guys, it doesn't really bother me that much...but what really bothers me is the fact that she swallowed for every one of them. My ex told me she would do it sometime with guys she was dating, but NEVER swallow anything until more serious. She saves it them for that special some one. One of my friends said swallow/split is really down to personal preference, and it makes no difference when she's already down there. Am I stupid to feel this way?

 

Here's the thing, though. Your girlfriend isn't your ex and she isn't you. Obviously to her, swallowing is no big deal. You can feel however you want about the intimacy of it, and aren't stupid to feel that way. Your ex shared your views. What is stupid is that you expected your current girlfriend to share the same opinion.

 

Hopefully this has taught you a valuable lesson for future relationships. You don't need to know everything about someone's past sex life.

[venatic]

I think the 17 includes the 7 she actually slept with, so she only engaged oral with only 10 guys in addition to the 7 she slept with. At least that's how I understood it from her... She said she had 7 before me, and I asked how many guys she gave heads to, she said 17.

[yongyong]

Look, she had that many sexual partners including the ones she didn't tell you about it.

what are the chances you would be her last one? (meaning you guys will get married forever)

She is a swallower and I am sure she will be down to do all dirty acts. just enjoy it as much as you can.

[venatic]

Look, she had that many sexual partners including the ones she didn't tell you about it.

what are the chances you would be her last one? (meaning you guys will get married forever)

She is a swallower and I am sure she will be down to do all dirty acts. just enjoy it as much as you can.

 

I think she wants to settle down. We met both of our parents, and her parents like me a lot. I also don't want to hurt her, she's honestly a very caring and nice individual. I mean sure she has been looking for real love, and the guys before me were mostly jerks.

[veggirl]

WTF? Why are you even asking how many dudes she has given head to? That is so bizarre. I can *somewhat* see asking how many sexual partners (though I wouldn't ask) but to go into that much detail? Why? To the point of asking if she swallowed? Hm.

 

Why did you ask if you didn't really want to know?

[Drseussgrrl]

Yeah I don't get why people feel the need to get into such detail over what they did with who.

 

It doesn't matter. If you're both clean, willing, able and committed, it doesn't matter much what happened in the past - because all of those experiences (sexual or not) make who she is NOW.

 

I generally find that when people get all hung up on numbers, there is something else already making them insecure in the relationship.

[Imported]

Are you in Washington DC OP? I know a girl exactly how you describe......although she most diffidently sucked off more guys than 17. Really nice girl, warm, caring, always cheerful....likes to talk about how semen taste and how to improve the flavor. Total pro at sucking dick. Get her drunk and she randomly blurts out really crazy dirty sex talk out of nowhere. Except if a guy didn't really get to know her, they'd think she is an angel.

Edited November 6, 2012 by Imported

[colombiana28]

I think it's incredibly dumb to view swallowing as some sort of sacred act. Swallowing does cause much less of a mess and as long as it doesn't taste like ****, who cares? You don't increase your chances of an STD by swallowing.

 

IMO going down on 17 different guys is way more of a red flag if you're concerned about sexual pasts.

 

Meh.

[colombiana28]

Are you in Washington DC OP? I know a girl exactly how you describe......although she most diffidently sucked off more guys than 17. Really nice girl, warm, caring, always cheerful....likes to talk about how semen taste and how to improve the flavor. Total pro at sucking dick. Get her drunk and she randomly blurts out really crazy dirty sex talk out of nowhere. Except if a guy didn't really get to know her, they'd think she is an angel.

 

she sounds awesome.

[Imported]

she sounds awesome.

 

I think so too, except for the part where she never stops ****ing different guys even when she is in a "committed" relationship or if that other guy is married. druseussgrrl, this the part where knowing the past is important...she has "cheated" on every guy she has every tried to have a relationship with. Other than that, very sweet girl. This girl is obviously not meant to be in my idea of a relationship...which is monogamous. I should take her past as an indication of this.

Edited November 6, 2012 by Imported

[venatic]

Are you in Washington DC OP? I know a girl exactly how you describe......although she most diffidently sucked off more guys than 17. Really nice girl, warm, caring, always cheerful....likes to talk about how semen taste and how to improve the flavor. Total pro at sucking dick. Get her drunk and she randomly blurts out really crazy dirty sex talk out of nowhere. Except if a guy didn't really get to know her, they'd think she is an angel.

 

No i am from Canada. She brought up the topic first, I didn't ask at first. I agreed shouldn't have asked. How do I know if the numbers are true?

 

I think it has to do with her personality as a pleaser. She never refused anything I've asked her to do... I mean sure some guys just took full advantage of it.

[Drseussgrrl]

Cheating has nothing to do with whether or not you swallow when you go down on a guy.

 

Jesus.

[venatic]

Cheating has nothing to do with whether or not you swallow when you go down on a guy.

 

Jesus.

 

I didn't say she was cheating. She's been very loyal to me, always tell me where she is ... Etc

[todreaminblue]

Today girls see oral like a kiss on the mouth and not as bad as having vaginal intercourse until their mouth is full of std's.

 

That's not true. Giving or receiving oral is extremely intimate any form of penetration or involving genitalia is intimate.It is definitely not like a kiss on the mouth and none of my girlfriends or family take it lightly...I certainly dont......deb

[venatic]

WTF? Why are you even asking how many dudes she has given head to? That is so bizarre. I can *somewhat* see asking how many sexual partners (though I wouldn't ask) but to go into that much detail? Why? To the point of asking if she swallowed? Hm.

 

Why did you ask if you didn't really want to know?

 

She brought it up, and then we basically revealed everything to each other. I first thought it brings out relationship to the next level by sharing out past. This is not what I expected, since my two ex fds were a lot more simple. I don't even know if those numbers are real anymore.

 

One other thing I didn't mentioned, cuz it doesn't bother me as much. She have had unprotected sex with 3 of those 7 guys, but they were her bf at the time. She admitted there were occasions where her ex didn't pulled out. Do you guys think this is a redflag? I m building a case against her, I don't think our relationship will be the same after this...