Mint Sauce Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 at which point does "getting to know her" turn into stringing her along? Can I propose a 3rd date if I like the conversations, know my mum will like her (joke!),... but don't feel like e.g. kissing her (yet). Obviously I don't know what can grow, but I do think that I can feel like touching a woman already in a first date... That's not the case with this one though... Can I just count on her to say: hey you, where's this going, if you don't want me in your bed by now, I'll go find someone else? Or should I have refused a 2nd date because there was no real chemistry on the first? confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Dating is always stringing someone along until you meet the right person. So I assume that she has sound boundaries and steps out when it takes too long or she meets someone else. I can do that :-) Link to post Share on other sites
WanderingHeart Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I think what you do depends on what kind of character you think she is, assuming you care about her feelings. If she seems very chilled, not too clingy, then I think you could keep dating her, but try to make it clear that you see this as more of a friendship - especially if you do genuinely enjoy hanging out with her. A bit of honesty goes a long way, and she will respect you for it. If she seems like she's developing strong feelings for you, then the longer you string this out, the more risk there is of things ending badly. Mature adults usually deal with rejection well, but some people go crazy. People don't like being used for an ego boost! If you think this might be the case, then the best thing is to wind it down quickly and stop seeing her, at least until her feelings have settled. I'm not sure if dreamerisland is right about keeping her as a booty call. For me, a booty call is a girl you enjoy sleeping with but don't see as dating material - and where the feelings are mutual. You've been on two dates and still haven't even kissed. It sounds like sex would just make things even more complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 The way your OP sounds, you aren't really finding this girl physically attractive yet, but see prospects for attraction to grow? If that's a correct summary, sure, go on a third date and see if things change. Would stop at 5 or so dates, though, if you aren't feeling anything by then, both move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 @dreamerisland: thanks for showing me that this is one possible way people approach the dating thing. It's not my style though. @wanderingheart: yes, I care about her feelings, but I'm not scared she'll go crazy. I will try to be honest with her about my feelings at this point, without putting us into the "friend zone" prematurely. But indeed, I'm at this point not interested in sex with her, but that isn't her expectation either. I'm not holding out for marriage (I'm divorced anyways ), but sex on the 2nd date is neither my style, nor that of the women I'm interested in. @dasein: thanks, you have an accurate feeling for the situation, and it's good to hear that other people think it's reasonable to get to know her a bit better still before deciding whether or not this is going to lead anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
WanderingHeart Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 It sounds like you're in the right place on this - I'm sure whatever happens it will end up well for both of you, even if it doesn't turn into anything serious! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts