Mrlonelyone Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Two versions of this question one for the ladies and one of the gents. Men have you ever rejected a woman and then regretted it soon after? If so how did you act towards them? Did you have the nerve to approach them and risk rejection? Ladies have you ever rejected a man and then regretted it? How did you handle it? Did you have the nerve to directly approach them and risk rejection? My own internal experience isn't really a guide as myself and people like me tend to be pretty forward in stating our desires. I personally don't fear being rejected, thought I am rejected plenty. I fear being toyed with or betrayed far more. Edited October 13, 2012 by Mrlonelyone change title. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Come on really no one has ever been in that kind of situation? How about the other way around, has someone ever rejected you, regretted it and had the gumption to say so? Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 No, I’ve never rejected a man and regretted it. I have, however, regretted giving certain men a chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I can't say I've actually rejected anyone and regretted it, but I have ceased contact with some girls I could have dated and certainly regretted it later. I handle it the same way I handle everything - it happens, I move on. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Every time when my big head does the thinking instead of my little head because I KNOW the chick is just going to be trouble. Sometimes I do think about the fact i'm having zero luck online dating while I have a rogue's gallery of the sexually willing yet bat-chit crazy, overweight, stage 5 clinger. Then I rub one out & play some world of Warcraft while I drink some beer & all is good with the world again. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I can't say I've actually rejected anyone and regretted it, but I have ceased contact with some girls I could have dated and certainly regretted it later. I handle it the same way I handle everything - it happens, I move on. This. With women leading me on. I know now not to stop contact but get "busy" & put them under lawn mowing, laundry, dishes on my list of priorities & soon enough your clapp'n dem cheeks. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Two versions of this question one for the ladies and one of the gents. Men have you ever rejected a woman and then regretted it soon after? If so how did you act towards them? Did you have the nerve to approach them and risk rejection? Ladies have you ever rejected a man and then regretted it? How did you handle it? Did you have the nerve to directly approach them and risk rejection? My own internal experience isn't really a guide as myself and people like me tend to be pretty forward in stating our desires. I personally don't fear being rejected, thought I am rejected plenty. I fear being toyed with or betrayed far more. i have realised rather painfully recently i do fear rejection because i havent had to deal with it very much.....three times actually since i started dating(one of those is recent) that's in from the beginning to now...it hits me hard......which is quite selfish of me ........to feel that....i think.....i am an over achiever and i get discouraged......i have been pretty sheltered(personal choice) and when i have feelings for someone i take notice because it doesn't happen often .I have in the past been the one approached and i cant say i have regrets rejecting men......i have regrets for the ones i have hurt..the ones that were just after sex not an ounce of regret..but if I hadn't rejected those people i would not be where I am today.......or have the feelings that i have today..or actually be true to who i am...so i cant regret that....i have to accept it without regret and hope in me finding happiness not living with a past but moving on from the past.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Ladies have you ever rejected a man and then regretted it? How did you handle it? Did you have the nerve to directly approach them and risk rejection? Yeah, I 've rejected a man who approached me and asked me to join him and his friend at their table. He offered to buy me a drink, and I, again, declined. He went away, and then returned after half an hour and gave it antoher try -- asked me what a pretty lady was doing on her own at a bar on a Friday night... I said I was just having a beer.. Anyway, he got the hint after a few more minutes of conversation, and left. I didn't regret it. Sure, he had some balls to approach me -- not once, but twice (I've never had that happen to me before) -- but that hardly proves anything. For all I know, he might have been *that* desperate for sex... Link to post Share on other sites
xdahliax Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I've rejected a lot of guys, but I never regretted it. I know what I feel and if liking a guy romantically is not even in the realm of possibility, I will reject him. I have, however, regretted the way I dealt with the situation. I've had the bad habit of not directly addressing the issue and causing more pain than necessary. For example, a guy was once into me for years and never told me to my face. Instead, several people told me and I was shocked when I found out. Instead of just letting him know that it wasn't going to happen, I ignored the situation because I was never actually confronted with it. For some reason, he thought that I was giving him mixed signals and the whole ordeal lasted much longer than it should have. I haven't really put myself on the line, per se. I never asked a guy out on a date, I normally just ask to do something specific and see how they respond. If they agree, great, if they come up with an excuse, the ball's in their court and I'm pretty much nonchalant until they do something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Interesting responses. @Nomorejerks That's not exactly what I asked. That guy didn't know when to stop. @xdhaliax Interesting. You have never had a change of heart, and never taken a chance to approach someone. Hmm. I change my mind all the time. Often have I dismissed someone at first sight only to fall for them latter, and vice versa. My people have a saying,"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind." But then my people are more matriarchal, every day is sadey Hawkins day. @Wholigan phineas Yeah. That happens. Its good you never felt rejecting someone was a huge mistake yet. I have an adult nephew who talks of an old gf he says he should never have broken up with. Again, my perspective is different. My parents did break up for long periods, dated others were sure it was done. They did not marry for 9 years after they first met, and they were not a couple that whole time. The mere mention of one name in particular still brings rage from mother...she having thought father would never find another. I myself mentioned my relationship with S on here before. We broke up and made up for years. Though they are not why I ask. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Interesting responses. @Nomorejerks That's not exactly what I asked. That guy didn't know when to stop.= Eh? I am confused. What did you ask? Weren't you talking about meeting new people that you might turn down, and/or dating? Or were you talking about committed relationships where one partner ends up rejecting the other ? In which case it would belong in the break-ups section? One guy, a friend from school, whom I see around every once in a while, asked me out on a date, and I turned down the offer. Didn't regret it. But I can't help but think that he's probably a nicer guy than my ex, and curious as to how it would've turned out if I hadn't rejected him. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I also rejected a guy I was talking to on a regular basis online, for 4 months. He was in the U.S army and stationed abroad at the time. He was starting to get attached to me, and he got too clingy (even without having met me), so I broke it off..... just as he was going to book his flight to come see me. No regrets, but I still feel bad, because I know I really hurt him a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
xdahliax Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 @xdhaliax Interesting. You have never had a change of heart, and never taken a chance to approach someone. Hmm. I change my mind all the time. Often have I dismissed someone at first sight only to fall for them latter, and vice versa. My people have a saying,"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind." But then my people are more matriarchal, every day is sadey Hawkins day. I'll probably have to take a chance very soon, so I'll let you know how that turns out Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) Eh? I am confused. What did you ask? Weren't you talking about meeting new people that you might turn down, and/or dating? Or were you talking about committed relationships where one partner ends up rejecting the other ? In which case it would belong in the break-ups section? All and none of the above. This question can apply to all of those situations. I.e. The example you provide. It does not quite fit those boxes. A guy, a friend from school, whom I see around every once in a while, asked me out on a date, and I turned down the offer. Didn't regret it. But I can't help but think that he's probably a nicer guy than my ex, and curious as to how it would've turned out if I hadn't rejected him. You never dated him and so never were in a relation ship and never broke up. If you wanted advice on how to reach out second chances wouldn't fit as you didn't give it a first chance. The fit is imperfect, life is complicated like that. Dating problems relate to starting a new romantic relationship. I relate the example of my parents to show that snap judgements aren't always right and these things can take years an unscripted twist to work out. Might I suggest something I do here. Read your post as if someone else wrote it. What pattern do you see? A man gets emotionally close, you pull away. A distant not so nice guy you will get in a rlship with but, I'll bet it's not emotionally fulfilling and so it ends. Ask yourself what you want. I'm just saying. Edited October 13, 2012 by Mrlonelyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I'll probably have to take a chance very soon, so I'll let you know how that turns out No risk no reward. The key to dealing with this is to realize three things. 1:) The person you ask out may initially resist or reject you at first, especially if your interest is a surprise to them, or you belong to a group they aren't supposed to like. (i.e. Interracial or across class or religious lines) 2:)Look at what they do, not what they say. Listen to how they say it. Only then consider the content. One woman said no to dates while sitting on my lap...every day for months and fooling around. Was that a rejection? Not really. 3:)It's probably their loss. Unless they are married or in a really truly committed relationship they are the ones missing out on a golden opportunity. One which you will give someone wiser, and better for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 No. But if it happens, I would have no problem un-rejecting him. I don't have fear of rejection like most people do (but I do fear betrayal much more). I also have no problem initiating if I truly like a guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer89 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 No, I’ve never rejected a man and regretted it. I have, however, regretted giving certain men a chance. This, I think this is partly because as a girl you don't want your number of sexual partners going up, so yes I do regret giving certain men a chance because I could have saved that number for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I have, however, regretted the way I dealt with the situation. I've had the bad habit of not directly addressing the issue and causing more pain than necessary. This I cannot stand. The indirectness of some women is infuriating to me. Women need to stop thinking it's okay to pretend and ignore. Be direct. The best way to handled a situation is to let a man down easy, if he was a gentleman in approaching you. "Oh, thank you, that's so sweet of you but I'm taken. Thank you, though." Not so hard is it? You show class, respect and you get out of the situation without hurting the guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xdahliax Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 This I cannot stand. The indirectness of some women is infuriating to me. Women need to stop thinking it's okay to pretend and ignore. Be direct. The best way to handled a situation is to let a man down easy, if he was a gentleman in approaching you. "Oh, thank you, that's so sweet of you but I'm taken. Thank you, though." Not so hard is it? You show class, respect and you get out of the situation without hurting the guy. Actually, if you read what I said, you'll see that he did not approach me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) No. But if it happens, I would have no problem un-rejecting him. I don't have fear of rejection like most people do (but I do fear betrayal much more). I also have no problem initiating if I truly like a guy. It seems that you and I are in the minority. I also fear betrayal by an established partner way more than rejection by a virtual stranger. Dreamersisland, if you reject the person in an emotionally mature way they won't be bitter. That is the way truth seeker described. Be direct and honest and polite. Don't fade out, or act offended that they asked. If you say you want friendship only do that if you really are friends. You may ask why reject someone politely? Because you never know. A rep as being mean and a trail of mistreated men and/or women eventually catches up. xdhaliax re reading your post it seems to me you could have given mixed signals. I mean he may have liked you a little but not enough to make a move. Edited October 13, 2012 by Mrlonelyone Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Actually, if you read what I said, you'll see that he did not approach me. I was making a general point using what you wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 You may ask why reject someone politely? Because you never know. A rep as being mean and a trail of mistreated men and/or women eventually catches up. So true. So true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 So true. So true. Having lived in a small town and being part of close knit communities taught me that. Seeing what a bad dating rep can do first hand, when there are maybe 2 degrees of separation showed me. Personally, I have been rejected because of my situation. Then had the rejector want me back plenty. Usually only men have the nerve to do that directly. Bottom line is most folks go with their first instinct and never reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
singlelife Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Evryone gets rejected. It's a part of life. If you've never been rejected then it's a part of growth you don't experience. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Ladies have you ever rejected a man and then regretted it? No. How did you handle it? Not applicable. Did you have the nerve to directly approach them and risk rejection? The closest I came to approaching any man was my husband. He helped dig my car out of the snow so I had my friends ask him to our annual open NY's Eve party which he accepted, got my number from my friends and then called to make arrangements since he also wanted me to join him at his own friend's party. Risking rejection wasn't the reason why I didn't approach. Just never had the need to approach. Link to post Share on other sites
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