Dating my step-cousin

[dovahkiin]

Well, Ive known my step cousin for 3 years. The so last summer holiday his mum invited me to stay in their house for a little more than a month, since my parents arent in the country at the moment. We hang out a lot together that there were intense sexual tension. We both knew it was wrong and socially unacceptable to be in a relationship as we are basically family (step cousin, not blood related though). Nevertheless, we end up having sex. Oh right, Im 22 and he's 24.

 

After a while, we said 'I love you' to each other. Now the problem is, Im back in school (which is an hour by train from his house) and I'm rethinking the whole decision of dating my step cousin. He's almost perfect for me. He's really cute, tall, smart, funny, plays the piano well..etc. Well, he has some flaws but we all do so I dont really think about that. However, I feel that I'm not pretty enough for him, not smart enough. Eventhough he keeps saying that Im pretty, I still dont believe him. And when he said, "I like you." I'd just go like, "yeah right." Ive only moved permanently to Belgium like 3 months ago and I dont speak Dutch, which is the local language here and whenever he bring me out to hang out with his friend, most of the time I would just sit there quietly and smile at people. I have major insecurities about myself.

 

Now that Im back in Leuven (the place where I study), I just dont know if I want to continue with this kind of relationship anymore because I feel so inferior as compared to him. I sent him a message on Facebook, he would always reply but I'm so scared of bothering him that I eventually "appear offline" to him on chat. I think he knows this because after I "appear offline", he sent a message in Dutch and then said, "oh sorry, wrong box". I didnt reply to that. I mean, yeah it could be that he had the wrong person, but it could also be that he wanted to check if I was appearing offline on him because I wasnt on chat but was replying to comments on Facebook.

 

Ok anyway, I dont know what to do. I really do like him but I'm not good enough for him but if I continue on with this, Im scared that one day he'll wake up to find that I'm not as awesome as he thinks I am. And Im having a hard time believing that he loves me. Eventhough I might love him, I only see it as summer love. And nothing more. Help?