Hopeful One Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Just wondering what you all think of this situation. I met this man via an internet dating site a few months ago. We live a couple hrs. apart. We have been out 4 times in the past 3 mths. Since the first time we met, I felt we really clicked, so far we have everything in common. The third time we met, he asked if I would be interested in going on a cruise, so we are going together. He is a very busy man, likes to go out with his group of friends and always be doing something. I work every other weekend, so my time is limited as far as seeing anyone. At the end of each meeting, he says, 'let me know when you want to meet again', so it is up to me to say, hey, I'm off this day, do you want to go out? I let it go as long as I could to see if he would initiate a date, and after 3 weeks, he had not. So, I did, and he was busy. He does suggest alternated dates to meet, but he wouldn't have if I had not initiated it in the first place. I feel you can't get to know someone meeting only once a month. Am I wrong to be upset? He is a great guy, but I feel that if something is important, you make time for it. No one is that busy. I would like to see if there is something there with us, but don't want to miss out on other opportunities. I have never had so much in common with one person, but he doesn't seem to want to take the time to get to know me. On the other hand, we are going on vacation together, am I just a pal to travel with? Relationships take time to build, and I am at an age where I don't want to get stuck in another dead-end relationship. We are 1 year apart in age. Hate to see this one pass by. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Why rush things, your going on vacation togeather he wouldn't be going with you if he wasn't intrested in you and he obviously enjoys your company. I would just relax and see where this one goes. You can't rush relationships they just happen. I wouldn't say anything at this time and wait untill you go on your cruise you will have plenty of one on one time then. Have a good time and just relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 I can sense your frustration. Although relationships do take time, and you can't force anything on a relationship, I would be getting irritated by having to be the aggressor. Go on your vacation with no great expectations in mind, and maybe after your vacation you should set up when you two will get together again. Being two hours apart from each other pretty much rules out much spontaneity, but each date can end with setting up the next one. I agree that he should be a part of doing this as well. I hope it works out...it's rare to have that much in common with someone! Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful One Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I should mention that this vacation isn't for a few months. So I should just be patient until then? It makes sense, he wouldn't be going together if we didn't enjoy each other's company. I think he's just so used to being single....is there any truth to what I've read--if a man is in his late 30's and never been married, the chances of him ever being married are slim. I don't think it is true of me, I WANT to be married, that's why I can't afford to waste my time if there is no hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 I can identify with your frustration. I haven't heard anything about men and marriage, etc. My husband got married VERY young, and divorced. He didn't remarry (me) until 16 years later, at the end of his 30's early 40's. The thing with those types of "statistics" is they aren't based on everybody. My suggestion, still, is to make a point to set up the next date at the end of the current one. He definitely sounds non chalant, and that may be his nature. If it persists, then maybe you are wasting your time with someone that you aren't compatible with. I'd wait it out though until after your vacation (breaking it off with him, if that's what it ends up to be) because you've already committed to the vacation and spent money on it. Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 I feel as you Hopefull One, that if he wanted to seriously pursue a relationship with you, he would find the time to see you or talk to you and would initiate. He is giving you mixed signals. The others are right, go on the vacation and see what happens. Now, nothing says you need to pass up other opportunities while you are kind of seeing this guy. It doesn't sound as if you have talked about an exclusinve relationship, and you shouldn't sit around waiting to see if something more will happen. Get back on the internet and meet other guys. As far as men in their late thirties who have never married, I find that the opposite is true. The like to play around until they hit 40. Then they start to panic b/c they aren't married and don't have kids and then they seem to get married very quickly once they find the right person. This is my own theory, but have seen it happen many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts