Sundaymorning Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 I love my boyfriend, he is great. But I have always been like this with everyone- I can only be around them constantly so much. After awhile, i start getting restless, start feeling less like myself and i cant give love like i usually can. I guess i just get sick of being around them. I am such an independent person (a loner if you will/) and being alone alot of the time really helps me feel grounded and strong again. Should i see a dr. or is this normal...and what can i do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Nah, it's very normal. If you and your boyfriend/husband/whatever have time apart, doing your own things with your friends and not each other every now and then, or hell, often, but not TOO often, I think that's incredibly smart and healthy. My best friend does this exact thing and seems happy as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 There are people who need a lot of space in their emotional lives. If you do marry, you need to marry someone who is fine with you doing that. I used to know a couple who were nuts about each other. He was not very social and she enjoyed going out. She was perfectly fine with going out and doing things on her own while he stayed home. You just have to be sure that your potential mate can live that way happily. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 I am married, work a full time job and live with my wife, daughter and stepson. I rarely get to spend time alone but when I do it feels great. If I take a long drive alone or get 2 or 3 hours alone in my house I can just feel the stress and tension exit my body. My wife and daughter are planning a 4 day trip out of town at Easter time and I am looking forward to the time alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sundaymorning Posted March 18, 2004 Author Share Posted March 18, 2004 how do married people handle this? just get used to it? one day they dont need their own time anymore? thanks to all who offered advice! Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 yes you just get used to it. It gets worse once you have kids. and pets. There is constant noise and activity at my house. I get more peace and quiet at the office where I work. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 i'm also the kind of person who needs space and time alone, or i'll go nuts very quickly. i think many people like us are happily married - it can work if both partners need space, or if the one who doesn't isn't bothered by the difference. i think it's very imporant for people not to lose their personal space when they have kids and pets... if not at home, it's always possible to go out by yourself... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaP Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Wow, I'm normal after all!!! I too LOVE my space and independence. Somehow I tend to attract men who like to smother me and be with me all the time which makes me crazy and I end up breaking up with them. I am a thinker and a dreamer - I enjoy alone time and love to read, paint, hang out with my son. I've tried being married twice and both times I got to where I couldn't stand this person constantly in my space all the time. I got irritated and felt smothered so I got out. My last husband kept trying to tell me "It's time you got on with your life" as a ploy to marry him and move in with him. I was getting on with my life just fine! I tell you - I love time to myself - maybe I'm somewhat of a loner but I like time to myself - I can't stand someone looking over my shoulder constantly watching my every move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sundaymorning Posted March 18, 2004 Author Share Posted March 18, 2004 doesnt the spark go away? you dont like that person as much because you are always around them? Link to post Share on other sites
Melodic Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 I think that it is somewhat incorrect to believe that you will be with yor significant other 24/7. From the multitude of married couples that I know, most complain that they don't get enough time together. Usually, at one least one spouse works full-time taking them out of the house for at least one meal and 8 hours every weekday. Then they head to the gym, or business dinners, guys night out at the bar, or a multitude of other reasonable adult activites that they do seperately. Being in a relationship or even marriage never means that you cede your life to become 'our' life. As far as the spark going away, it only does if you let it. I also personally need emotional space quite often but I get it when I'm home and my boyfriend is off doing things. There's no shame in that. If anything the spark goes away, because we don't spend enough time fanning the flames, not because we spend too much. I guess in general, what you're feeling is very normal in a relationship where you feel smothered. It is very important to allow yourself to keep your own identity. If you feel as though you must emotionally pull away or detach yourself from your partner, then there is a problem in your relationship that needs to be discussed. Don't delay because it can be difficult for your partner. Some men are raised to believe that women need them around all time, so when they come across a woman who's self-sufficient and not clingy they don't understand it. Explain it to him. Anyway, I hope that helps. Mel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sundaymorning Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 thank you, it does! Link to post Share on other sites
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