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Did I over-react by ditching this dude?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

So, chatted on OKC and arranged to meet last Saturday.

 

He texts in the morning that he got sick and can't make it :rolleyes:. I don't care to be honest, he is just a profile.

 

He texts again that evening that he is feeling better and if I wanted to meet up after all. By that stage, I was eating popcorn and watching re-runs of "How I met your mother" so I CBF dressing up and going out. I text him "another time" and ask him if he is free this week (on any night) to do something. No response.

 

I am thinking whatevs and don't contact him again. This Wednesday he texts if I can meet him on Sat night. I don't respond, at this point I don't like his flakiness and have no desire to meet him anymore.

 

He texts 3 more times and asks me why I am not responding. I am amused at this, given that he completely ignored my text on the weekend about meeting up this week - and I never re-asked him or said anything. After the third time, I get annoyed and say "Way to ignore my text on the weekend asking you a clear question and now expect an immediate response when it's convenient for you".

 

His response "Way to over-react. I forgot about responding and then accidentally deleted all my messages" :D:lmao:

 

I am like "No worries. I am not too keen on flaky and dishonest people so I will pass. All the best".

 

He sends me another string of messages "How was I dishonest?" and "How was I flaky?". I don't respond.

 

The point is, I don't care about him canceling, I have zero investment here. I also don't believe that I should be too important to him at this stage either. I just believe that people with integrity do not immediately go to blatant lies - even with people that are complete strangers.

 

Others often show their true colors in how they act with people that are not too important in their lives.

 

Just a bit of a rant.

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I probably wouldn't have written the rude, accusatory texts. But I can see why you didn't want to meet him anymore. Next time, just behave with some grace. Say something like, "I'm sorry, I am no longer interested. Good luck on your search!"

 

He'll probably still be mad, but at least you can say to yourself that YOU weren't the jerk.

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Yeah, flaking seems to be common in the dating world, esp. when you start to make plans then the person flakes, then THAT person contacts you to make plans...AGAIN...then that person flakes...AGAIN.

 

Then they act like they did nothing wrong when you call them on their behavior.

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Nope, no over-reaction there. I can understand why you replied the way you did as well, he was bugging you and you got fed up with it. He had been chasing another girl who cancelled on him so he was determined to get a date for Saturday night to get laid. Have seen this so many times. 'Deleted all my text by accident' :rolleyes:

 

In the long run it's best to ignore rather than respond and have an argument with a complete stranger (I've done that too :rolleyes:) but f**k him, definitely no loss

 

This is why I don't do OLD anymore, dealing with morons I'd screen out in real life in 5 seconds is just too annoying

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So, chatted on OKC and arranged to meet last Saturday.

 

He texts in the morning that he got sick and can't make it :rolleyes:. I don't care to be honest, he is just a profile.

 

He texts again that evening that he is feeling better and if I wanted to meet up after all. By that stage, I was eating popcorn and watching re-runs of "How I met your mother" so I CBF dressing up and going out. I text him "another time" and ask him if he is free this week (on any night) to do something. No response.

 

I am thinking whatevs and don't contact him again. This Wednesday he texts if I can meet him on Sat night. I don't respond, at this point I don't like his flakiness and have no desire to meet him anymore.

 

He texts 3 more times and asks me why I am not responding. I am amused at this, given that he completely ignored my text on the weekend about meeting up this week - and I never re-asked him or said anything. After the third time, I get annoyed and say "Way to ignore my text on the weekend asking you a clear question and now expect an immediate response when it's convenient for you".

 

His response "Way to over-react. I forgot about responding and then accidentally deleted all my messages" :D:lmao:

 

I am like "No worries. I am not too keen on flaky and dishonest people so I will pass. All the best".

 

He sends me another string of messages "How was I dishonest?" and "How was I flaky?". I don't respond.

 

The point is, I don't care about him canceling, I have zero investment here. I also don't believe that I should be too important to him at this stage either. I just believe that people with integrity do not immediately go to blatant lies - even with people that are complete strangers.

 

Others often show their true colors in how they act with people that are not too important in their lives.

 

Just a bit of a rant.

IMO you had the right idea/ attitude. You were right to ditch him, and do it the way you did. I have zero tolerane for games, and it looked like he was playing games with you, whether intentionally or not. I expect that my time would be respected, and if a man cannot do that even before we start dating, chances are he won't do that when we do start dating. People do not change, no matter how much we wish they did.

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He had been chasing another girl who cancelled on him so he was determined to get a date for Saturday night to get laid. Have seen this so many times. 'Deleted all my text by accident' :rolleyes:

 

Nailed it. I'd bet dollars to donuts he's been juggling other dates. He wasn't ill on saturday, he thought he had a better option. That didn't pan out so he asked you again. By wednesday his other failed date(s?) had made it clear saturday was out, so back he comes to schedule a date with you.

 

So, definitely not an overreaction in this case. I think you are well rid of this guy.

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Eternal Sunshine

Heh thanks guys. I would have ignored him if he didn't bug me with repeated texts.

 

He is STILL texting but I am ignoring since my last reply about flaky/dishonest people.

 

Absolutely zero tolerance for games, I am WAY past this.

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Don't think you overreacted, and I don't think you were rude either. You were matter of fact, and the dude wouldn't leave you alone. He asked for it, you gave it to him. No loss.

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I agree with the others who posted that he was playing a game. Most definitely. His main option for Saturday didn't pan out. Maybe even his second or third one either. Clearly, you weren't his number one choice, and when all else failed, he contacted you. Good for you for calling him out and telling him to hit the bricks.

 

Very obvious what his game is with the the Wednesday contact. Most players will do the mid-week contact. They think wait till mid-week to contact to not show too much interest, give the perception they got a lot going on. Really dumb if you ask me.

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What's the next excuse, his pet walked over his phone and accidentally deleted messages? He needs to put more creative effort into his storytelling.

I'd either ignore or keep your (final) message short and to the point about mutually moving on.

 

Just my take, if someone can't even step up to the plate by making a phone call to ask you out on a date (unless you hadn't exchanged numbers at that point), and doesn't offer an alternative day/time when he cancels, that speaks volumes about his interest.

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Just gotta love it when men don't even put an effort into coming up with more believable lies... :sick: My favourite: "I didn't hear you call." OK... but did you see the missed call? How about calling back? Hello?!? One would think that 30/40 year old men would progress beyond grade 1 "dog ate my homework" excuses.

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It is beyond me why so much throught is going into this; who cares why he is flaky. On to the next one.

 

But why do you think you overreacted?

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It is beyond me why so much throught is going into this; who cares why he is flaky. On to the next one.

 

I think it's a bit of guilt mix with embarrassment.

 

Let me explain overreacting:

 

I had a girl email me on OLD. It was the biggest crock of s--t I've ever read. At the time I was crushed because I liked her [back story: I kinda knew her IRL; happened to find her on OLD]. I went along with it hoping it wasn't what I really thought. She played with me and I got upset. I overreacted by writing sappy messages asking her why the games. The whole time she was ignoring me but was really reading the messages having a laugh at my expense. Eventually, I was able to turn the tables and put her in her place, but looking back I should have recognized the warning signs and walked away instead of engaging her.

 

What the OP did was catch this guy early on and put a stop to it. I wish I had done what the OP did.

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Heh thanks guys. I would have ignored him if he didn't bug me with repeated texts.

 

He is STILL texting but I am ignoring since my last reply about flaky/dishonest people.

 

Absolutely zero tolerance for games, I am WAY past this.

 

I would've not responded after the message he sent you on Wednesday. He had already proven to be a flake by that time.

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Eternal Sunshine
I think it's a bit of guilt mix with embarrassment.

 

Let me explain overreacting:

 

I had a girl email me on OLD. It was the biggest crock of s--t I've ever read. At the time I was crushed because I liked her [back story: I kinda knew her IRL; happened to find her on OLD]. I went along with it hoping it wasn't what I really thought. She played with me and I got upset. I overreacted by writing sappy messages asking her why the games. The whole time she was ignoring me but was really reading the messages having a laugh at my expense. Eventually, I was able to turn the tables and put her in her place, but looking back I should have recognized the warning signs and walked away instead of engaging her.

 

What the OP did was catch this guy early on and put a stop to it. I wish I had done what the OP did.

 

I think it's easy to do when there is no emotional investment. That's why people should watch out for early warning signs and nip these things in the bud...

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I don't think you over-reacted by ditching him, but I do think you could have forgone the character assessments via text. That might have been a bit overboard.

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Eternal Sunshine
I don't think you over-reacted by ditching him, but I do think you could have forgone the character assessments via text. That might have been a bit overboard.

 

Yet it's perfectly acceptable and "normal" to do so on LS.

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Eternal Sunshine

This guy is harassing me at this point with number of phone calls, texts and OKC messages every day. I have not picked up my phone or responded to any of it. I am not angry, I just have zero interest.

 

This morning, I decided maybe I should tell him more explicitly, so I texted: "Can you please stop contacting me. I am not interested in meeting you anymore and wish you good luck in your search"

 

He is interpreting this as me still trying to "punish" him and is trying to "make it up to me" because he feels that I "hate" him :rolleyes:

 

I will continue not to respond: but guys, when someone says "I am not interested, please stop contacting me": they actually mean it. That's the absolute last resort when the girl genuinely doesn't want anything to do with the other person.

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  • 2 weeks later...

His response "Way to over-react. I forgot about responding and then accidentally deleted all my messages" :D:lmao:

 

 

Considering that there is no way in hell that this is true, no you didn't overreact at all.

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I will continue not to respond: but guys, when someone says "I am not interested, please stop contacting me": they actually mean it. That's the absolute last resort when the girl genuinely doesn't want anything to do with the other person.

Es, I find this part of your response mildly insulting. It reads as if you think all men are idiots.

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ES, no, you didn't over react. I have a low tolerance to flaking, too. I know people from online sometimes have other "options" but that's no excuse for canceling an agreed date. I don't believe the tale about accidentally deleting his messages.

 

Can you block him so that you never see his messages? You've been clear that he should get lost ... No point wasting time trying to communicate further.

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Ughhh, no. You most certainly did not overreact. This guy sounds like trouble just waiting to happen. Most people at least get to third date or something before they cause this much drama - he pretty much broke the record at Date -1 there.

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Eternal Sunshine

This guy is still in contact. I blocked him on OKC and blocked his number from my phone. Today he texted me from a friend's phone.

 

I have told him 3 times now that I am not interested and to leave me alone.

 

I think that he feels stunned to be "nexted" for flaking and lying. This probably means that he got away with this type of behavior in the past :sick:

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This guy is still in contact. I blocked him on OKC and blocked his number from my phone. Today he texted me from a friend's phone.

 

I have told him 3 times now that I am not interested and to leave me alone.

 

I think that he feels stunned to be "nexted" for flaking and lying. This probably means that he got away with this type of behavior in the past :sick:

 

Ah, I hate psychos and he is one. What a freak

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