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She's not ready to date, should I keep talking to her?


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Old 12th September 2012, 8:24 PM   #1
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She's not ready to date, should I keep talking to her?

Two days ago I asked my ex-coworker out on a date through the phone, she replied with a giggle and said 'maybe.' Now I know maybe doesn't mean no, but usually it does, so I was already prepared for the worst. Today, I told her to her give me an answer and she said "Are you really asking me out on a date?" . Well I told her yes and she said that she's doesn't want to date because of the pressure and we can just do lunch. She also pointed out she is not ready to date because she just ended a 7 year relationship with her ex-bf one month ago. I told her okay and have personally decided to find another girl . One hour later she texted me asking me what I was doing. Members of Loveshack, what will you do if you were in my shoes? Will you ignore her text and completely cut contact with her, or will you give her one- worded answers and not initiate any contact with her? Do you guys believe her reasoning for not wanting to date, or do you believe it was just a form of coverup to reject my advances? I personally think its just a coverup, but a part of me wants to believe her excuse. What will you you guys do and believe in if you were in my situation?
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Old 12th September 2012, 9:19 PM   #2
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I would be polite but not engage her all that much & not waste time going to lunch with her.

If she has a problem with that just tell her you are looking to date & she isn't & you have no interest in a friendship.

Then cut her off.
But, be professional at work.
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Old 12th September 2012, 9:23 PM   #3
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I would not hang out with her if you have feelings for her. I wouldn't ignore her I'd just tell her that you wanted to date and aren't really looking for friendship or wanting that. and after that, I would ignore her.
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Old 12th September 2012, 10:19 PM   #4
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yea i was thinking about something along those lines, yet not trying to make it to the point where it'll be awkward when I do see her at work again. Thx!
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Old 12th September 2012, 10:43 PM   #5
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yea i was thinking about something along those lines, yet not trying to make it to the point where it'll be awkward when I do see her at work again. Thx!
It'll only be awkward if you make it awkward. You can still be friendly at work without engaging her, and acknowledging that you cut her off. If you tell her you are looking to date and wont do a platonic thing, that closes the door to her texting you randomly. If she does it again, you drive the point home. "LEt me know when youre ready to date". She might never be for a long time if she was the dumpee. Otherwise, if she is lying, you dodged a bullet.

For instance, I was in college, and ran into a woman I saw in one of my classes at the school gym. So I schmoozed her, w would agree to meet up to eat after the gym a couple times, somewhere in there I got her number and we met up. Then when I invited her to dinner, she told me she had a boyfriend. So I told her Im looking to date and cant talk to her anymore. A couple days later she randomly texts me about something I was working on. I told her "Youre awfully curious for someone with a bf..." I really didnt want to hear from her, and she stopped after that. I had to let her know I was serious, and wasnt interested in a friendship.
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Old 12th September 2012, 10:47 PM   #6
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I am completely interested in a certain person's advice in this thread! And they know who they are.

OP, be friendly but don't over engage her. If she contacts you, fine. Otherwise, don't pursue her.
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Old 12th September 2012, 10:55 PM   #7
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Dates are pressure. You are supposed to decide fairly quickly whether you feel attracted to someone you might not know very well. I can understand her reasoning there.

If she really has just come out of a seven-year relationship, she probably can't imagine dating. She'll still be emotionally embroiled in all those memories and the challenges of doing things alone now. If she didn't end that relationship, don't even think about getting involved with her - you are likely to get hurt.

If you like her and want to get to know her, accept that it might take time. Take the pressure off re dating and just ask to hang out and have coffee and so on. It seems more like two friends then and she can relax more. This doesn't mean you are friend-zoned, despite what other guys might think. If she's prepared to give you time to get to know her, that's a gift. If she didn't like you, you'd be friendzoned sharpish and she wouldn't be keen on hanging out with you. Take your time and allow feelings to develop on her side. She's probably pretty mixed up right now and has a long relationship to recover from.
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Old 13th September 2012, 3:53 AM   #8
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Wow all of you made great points. I guess it's really up to me to decide if she is "worth it" or not to keep pursuing and "befriending", or just get my butt outta there!
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Old 13th September 2012, 3:57 AM   #9
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Two days ago I asked my ex-coworker out on a date through the phone, she replied with a giggle and said 'maybe.' Now I know maybe doesn't mean no, but usually it does, so I was already prepared for the worst. Today, I told her to her give me an answer and she said "Are you really asking me out on a date?" . Well I told her yes and she said that she's doesn't want to date because of the pressure and we can just do lunch. She also pointed out she is not ready to date because she just ended a 7 year relationship with her ex-bf one month ago. I told her okay and have personally decided to find another girl . One hour later she texted me asking me what I was doing. Members of Loveshack, what will you do if you were in my shoes? Will you ignore her text and completely cut contact with her, or will you give her one- worded answers and not initiate any contact with her? Do you guys believe her reasoning for not wanting to date, or do you believe it was just a form of coverup to reject my advances? I personally think its just a coverup, but a part of me wants to believe her excuse. What will you you guys do and believe in if you were in my situation?
Sounds very wishy-washy. Sounds like she wants it and doesn't want it at the same time. Smells like trouble in the future, even if you two start dating. But that's just me. I usually know what I want, and I send a clear signal to the guy as to what I want. Yes/no. I hate leaving things vague, and I hate it when others do it to me.

You don't have to cut all contact with her, but if I were you, I would just stop thinking about her in that "way".

Last edited by NoMoreJerks; 13th September 2012 at 4:00 AM..
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Old 13th September 2012, 3:15 PM   #10
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You are way too sensitive. She's giving you a legit shot. As long as she's still talking to you there's hope. Resume communication with her immediately, before she thinks you're butthurt and smells weakness. Don't accept her offer of lunch. Insist on taking her to dinner and insist it's a date, but be good-natured about it. Tell her you understand her hesitation. That you will take it slow if she needs to and there will be no pressure but you want a date. Do not back down. The girl I'm seeing now wanted to do the friends thing at first but I wouldn't have it. After weeks of negotiation and an hour long phone session of me just saying date over and over again I finally got what I wanted.
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Old 13th September 2012, 3:38 PM   #11
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^What Gaius said is actually good advice. What else would mighty Cesar say?

Be aware that she more than likely will go back to the 7 year BF even if she dates you.

In a very long relationship a break of months could mean it's over or perhaps not mean it's over. The old and familiar can be inviting or it can be revolting.

Take my parents they have been married for 32 years now. From late 1995 to mid 1998 they were separated. Both had moved on to other people to a great extent. Then I got in some big trouble and after that they came back together but slowly. The other people simply melted away after that.

So my advice to you is this go for it. You may have her for a while but you may not keep her that long. If you don't risk it you can never win.
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Old 13th September 2012, 3:56 PM   #12
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You will be the rebound guy. Take what you can and get out. If you want something more, don't even bother. You will be setting yourself up for some hurting.
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Old 13th September 2012, 4:30 PM   #13
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The girl I'm seeing now wanted to do the friends thing at first but I wouldn't have it. After weeks of negotiation and an hour long phone session of me just saying date over and over again I finally got what I wanted.
Literally or figuratively Gaius?

What a hardass. You are going to have your work cut out for you with her.
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Old 13th September 2012, 6:10 PM   #14
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Walk away....
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Old 13th September 2012, 6:16 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by gaius View Post
You are way too sensitive. She's giving you a legit shot. As long as she's still talking to you there's hope. Resume communication with her immediately, before she thinks you're butthurt and smells weakness. Don't accept her offer of lunch. Insist on taking her to dinner and insist it's a date, but be good-natured about it. Tell her you understand her hesitation. That you will take it slow if she needs to and there will be no pressure but you want a date. Do not back down. The girl I'm seeing now wanted to do the friends thing at first but I wouldn't have it. After weeks of negotiation and an hour long phone session of me just saying date over and over again I finally got what I wanted.
LOL............................................... ...................

You begged a girl for a date over weeks and an hour long phone session...

This is the worst advice on the forum for those wanting something meaningful...

The ops interest just got out of a 7 YEAR relationship. She's not datable by any means...Use your brain people.

1 month out of 7 year relationship, "Hey girl come out with me, I am begging you to use me as a rebound so I can fall in love and you can break up with me" LOL

Last edited by CptSaveAho; 13th September 2012 at 6:19 PM..
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